The Legend of Zelda: Hidden Fire
by The Tacochickenwings
Summary: Wind Waker sequel. Link joins the pirate crew, and they are soon joined by a strange girl named Bambi. Bambi is up to something evil, and the fate of the world and the thought long gone Hyrule is in the hands of Link, Tetra, and Komali. Yuri, rape.
1. Who Knows?

_Here it is, at long last: the sequel! Sorry if this chapter sucks, and no offense to song fic lovers and writers. I love them, too, but I just could not resist the temptation of mockery. And, don't worry, the story gets better...MUCH better..._

__

_**The Legend of Zelda: Hidden Fire**_

_**Who Knows?**_

_Yeah_

_Yeah_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

Link stood with Aryll on the dock of Outset Island. The young girl was crying softly, but her older brother merely stood there staring out at the ocean with a straight face.

"Big brother...why do you have to leave?" Aryll asked.

There was a moment of silence before she recieved her reply.

"Well...for a number of reasons, I guess... Pirates have a lot of money ripe for the picking, and then going with them gives me a higher chance of killing them. Get the picture? Oh, and partly because I was drunk when I agreed to it..." Link replied with a shrug.

"Oh," Aryll said as she stopped crying.

"Ok, Aryll...remember what we went over?" Link asked.

Aryll nodded.

"Yes. If Orca and Sturgeon ever try to find out who set their house on fire again, and they ask me if it was you..."

"You say...?"

"I did it!"

_Why do you look so familiar?_

_I could swear that I have seen your face before_

_I think I like that you seem sincere_

_I think I'd like to get to know you a little bit more_

Not so long after the "Link and Aryll" episode, the boy was busy packing his things, while his grandma threw confetti around. Grandma was getting pretty sick of Link, and that's only natural when you've been stuck living with him for like, his whole life. But Link didn't really mind, 'cause he was pretty sick of his grandmother. too. Ah, the bonds of family...

_I think there's something more_

_Life's worth living for_

"You know, this reminds me of the day you left to save Aryll..." Grandma said. "Except there's one difference. Back then, I missed you and didn't want you to leave, but now, I can't wait for you to pack up your things and get your ass out my door!"

"Damn, I hate you, old woman..." Link muttered. "What did _I_ ever do to _you_!"

"Admit it! I know that you know that I know that you know that I know you stole all my money!"

Link smirked at the memory and stood up straight.

"And I'd do it again, too, but, of course, you don't have a pension or anything like that because everyone shuns you because we all know you're destined to burn in hell!"

_Who knows what could happen_

_Do what you do_

_Just keep on laughin'_

_One thing's true_

_There's always a brand new day_

_I'm gonna live today like it's my last day_

Before Link's grandma could reply, the front door swung open, and can you guess who stood in the doorway? Tetra, the one and only!

"Link, get your ass out here. We gotta go over a few things," she said.

Link glared at her.

"Make me..."

Tetra whipped out her dagger and pointed it at Link's crotch.

"So, tell me, Link... Do you know what it's like...to wake up with yours twig and berries missing one morning?"

Grandma began to laugh, while Link blushed and stormed out the front door after Tetra.

"Ok...well, Link, I must admit, I don't have the biggest ship on the sea, so we're in a little bit of trouble space-wise... So, where do you plan on sleeping, exactly?" Tetra asked.

_How do you always have an opinion?_

Link blinked.

"Uh..."

_And how do you always find the best way to compromise?_

"Wait, I have an idea!" Tetra said.

Link glared at her expectantly.

"You and Gonzo can share a bed! He'd like that!"

"Fuck you, bitch! I'm not sleeping with one of your sweaty, overweight bitches!"

"Maybe you can sleep on the floor?"

"HELL NO!"

"Well, Link, you have two options: the floor, or in the same cot with one of the other pirates..."

_We don't need to have a reason_

After reluctantly giving Tetra his answer, Link sat in Aryll's watchtower trying to find better, more convincing reasons to go with the pirates, for he was changing his mind...

After all, he thought. I need _some_ reason to go...

_We don't need anything_

_We're just wasting time_

_I think there's something more_

_Life's worth living for_

Finally realizing how fucked up things were at the time, Link began to cry. Ha ha!

_Who knows what could happen_

_Do what you do_

_Just keep on laughin'_

_One thing's true_

_There's always a brand new day_

_I'm gonna live today like it's my last day_

(Ok, I ran out of things to put in between the rest of the lines of the song, so, right now, I'm just gonna put the rest of the lyrics down and get on with the mother fuckin' story!)

_Find yourself_

_'Cause I can't find you_

_Be yourself_

_Who are you?_

_Find yourself_

_'Cause I can't find you_

_Be yourself_

_Who are you?_

_Who knows what could happen_

_Do what you do_

_Just keep on laughin'_

_One thing's true_

_There's always a brand new day_

_I'm gonna live today like it's my last day_

_So you go_

_And make it happen_

_Do your best_

_Just keep on laughin'_

_I'm telling you_

_There's always a brand new day_

_(And then there's the chorus again, somethin' like that, blah blah blah, God didn't make me to do song fics so this intro probably sucked, so NOW here comes the good shit! ENJOY!)_

A few minutes before departure, Link stood with his grandma near their house.

"Even though I don't care that you're leaving, this is still rather sentimental for me... It brings back memories of the day you were concieved..." she said.

"Um, couldn't you go with a better story, like, the day I was born or something like that?" Link asked.

"No, because I don't remember the day you were born."

"But you were there!"

"Well, I forgot anyway. I just remember the day you were concieved."

"Grandma, don't tell me about it!"

"SHUT UP, BOY! It all started when your parents were really, really, drunk. Then they just decided to do eachother doggy-style on the floor, and your father wasn't wearing a condom! They did it with so much passion... And I watched them do it the whole time! So, basically, you were an accident!"

Link looked nauseous.

"Did I tell you how much I hate you?" he growled.

"That's ok, because after you're gone, we're replacing you with a poodle anyway!" Grandma retorted. "Oh, and while I'm at it, I might as well tell you...I lied about how your parents really died... They actually had some bad pills or something, and that killed them. I buried them in the backyard, but I didn't want to scare you, so I spread ketchup all over the floor and told you that a bear ate them instead, and that if you ever disobeyed me, the bear would come and destroy everyone and everything you held dear, then it would eat you, too. And then, while I was at it, I told you that the bear raped your mom and dad before it killed them."

"HA!" Link said. "I already found out that that was a lie when I was digging in the backyard for money yesterday!"

"ARE YOU READY, LINK?" Tetra called.

Link turned to look at her, and took a deep breath.

"If I really, really have to..."

Tetra pointed her dagger at Link's crotch again.

"Uh, never been more ready!" he said hurriedly, running to the ship.

But he was stopped along the way when Aryll grabbed onto his legs, wailing.

"BIG BROTHER, DON'T GOOOOO!"

Link rolled his eyes.

"What do you want from me? I'll write to you!" he said.

"THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!"

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"DON'T LEAVE!" Aryll wailed.

"Ok, uh...how would you feel if I told you that Grandma was replacing me with a poodle?" Link asked.

"Ooooh, a poodle!" Aryll said, running off to their grandmother.

Link shrugged, and climbed aboard slowly. You see, he couldn't take his boat because the night after he'd returned from his previous mission, he'd gotten totally wasted and set the King of Red Lions on fire. The residents of Outset Island all gave him their goodbyes. Well, actually, they all gave him the finger and shouted about how they'd replace him with various fuzzy animals.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU!" Link yelled, giving them the finger back.

Tetra and the rest of the pirates stood watching, very much amused.

At last, the boat drifted away from the shores of Outset, and soon enough, it was nothing more than a small piece of shit on the horizon... Link was leaving his home, his family, and his enemies behind, and heading out on a new adventure... But, little did he know, that adventure would soon become the journey of a lifetime...


	2. Unpromising Beginnings

_Plot truly starts in chapter 3. This is just to show you how miserable Link's life is. _

__

_**Unpromising Beginnings**_

"Well...you know what this means! We're just gonna have to start calling you 'Poodle Boy' from now on..." Tetra said with a smirk.

"Or we could just call him 'Poodle'," Mako offered.

"Good thinking, Mako...we'll call him 'Poodle'!" Tetra chirped. "Welcome to the crew, Poodle!"

The rest of the pirates laughed. Link turned bright red.

"I'm warning you, if you call me Poodle ONE MORE TIME-"

"SILENCE! You speak when spoken to!"

Tetra turned to her crew.

"Now, all of you, GET BACK TO WORK!"

The rest of the pirates shouted in fear, and got back to certain duties.

"Poodle, meet me in my bedroom in 5 minutes!" Tetra barked at Link.

She strutted through the door thingy on the ship, down the stairs, and to her room. Niko ran up to Link.

"SWABBIE! I mean, POODLE!" he cried happily as he tried to hug Link.

The boy back away.

"Don't...touch...me..." he growled.

"Oh...sorry..."

"And second of all, DON'T call me Poodle!"

"That can be arranged..."

"Now, what exactly do you want?"

"I just wanted to say 'hi'! Is that a crime?"

"Yes, actually, I consider it as such!" Link snapped.

"See? You even _bark_! All the more reason to call you Poodle!"

"WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, I'M GONNA-"

But Link was cut short when he felt someone grab his ass.

"AH!" he yelped, turning around.

Gonzo was standing there...

"Hey, hottie..." he said seductively.

Link's eyes widened.

"Stay...away...from me..." he growled.

"You're sexy when you're angry!" Gonzo said. "Grrrr!"

"I don't think Tetra'll mind if I go to see her just a few minutes early..." Link muttered quietly; running away.

He raced through the door, down the stairs, and shoved open Tetra's door.

"TETRA, YOU AND YOUR CREW ARE A BUNCH OF INSANE PERVERTS!" he yelled.

Tetra was sitting on her couch, looking at a sheet of paper. She raised her eyes to Link.

"Oh, and you aren't? You see, Link, you may not realize it now, but you're a lot more like us than you may think..." she said.

"I don't care! Niko just tried to hug me, and Gonzo just pinched me on the ass!"

"You better get used to it. When you're on the crew, there is no time for sex. In fact, there's hardly any time for self gratification! And my men are very attracted to young boys... So, you're like, a delicacy to them! Heh heh...I can't wait to see how things go for you."

"You're sick! _SICK, I TELL YOU_! You just plan to stand there, and let them have their way with me?"

"Well, yes, actually. Anyway...the reason I called you down here is because I need to discuss a few urgent matters with you..."

Link sighed. "What?"

"Why, the rules and such, Poodle! First of all, you may NEVER, under NO circumstances, disobey me! And second of all, don't bother me. Speak only when appropriate. And lastly, _never_, EVER come into my bedroom unless I say you can! Got it?"

"Well, that suc-"

"GOT IT!"

"Yes, ma'am..."

"And, about your sleeping arrangements...you said you'd rather sleep with one of the other guys, so-"

"NO, I DIDN'T! I SAID I'D RATHER SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!"

"SILENCE! You are sharing a bed with Gonzo!"

"What? NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Link shouted.

"I can, and I will!" Tetra replied firmly.

"You're a bitch!"

"You're a prick!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"Yeah, well, I hate you, too, kid."

Then the two kids just stared at eachother resentfully. Finally, Link nodded to the paper Tetra had been looking at.

"What's that?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh...just this drawing I made..." Tetra answered mischeviously.

"Ok, what are you up to!"

"Nothing."

"You're up to something, Tetra, and I _know_ it involves _me_! Now lemme see it!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"Well, ok," Tetra said.

She stood up and handed Link the drawing. The boy snatched the sheet from her and stared at it.

It featured a stick figure with an arrow pointing to it that said, "Link", and the figure was laying on the ground in some sort of puddle. A penis shaped object and two dots lay in the puddle.

Link made a disgusted face.

"What is this?"

"You after undergoing castration," Tetra replied in a matter-of-fact tone as she smiled. Then she began laughing.

Link turned bright red as he ripped up the paper, dropped the pieces on the ground, and said, "THAT'S DISGUSTING! MY BALLS AREN'T THAT SMALL!" He stormed out of the pirate's bedroom. Tetra's laughter sounded from the room, failing to cease.

Link returned to the deck of the ship, and all the other pirates stared at him...almost hungrily; longingly...

"Um...do you mind not looking at me! It's really irritating!" he told them.

The others turned and went back to work. One of the pirates, Mako, walked up to Link and handed him a mop and a bucket.

"Miss Tetra said that this is your first chore. You get to swab the decks, swabbie! Ha ha! I made a swabbing joke! Get it? Swabbie? Swab the decks?"

Link slapped him. Then there was a minute of silence.

"Ow..." Mako finally said before walking away.

Slowly, drowning in self-pity and regret, Link started mopping the decks...and, throughout the whole day, he had to keep doing shit like that. It was then that Link realized how much things were gonna suck from that point on. Life would now consist of brutal physical labor. He would be worked hard...


	3. A New Enemy?

_**A New Enemy?**_

Link moaned, trapped in Gonzo's deathgrip.

"Ugh...let go...you...son of a bitch!" the boy managed to choke out.

It was sometime late at night, and everyone was asleep. Everyone except Link, that is...

He was exhausted, yet he could never get a chance to rest. During the day, he did more work than the other pirates, seeing as he was the swabbie, and at night, Gonzo cuddled him so tightly he could hardly breathe, and squeezed him into positions which one's body usually could not go in.

This Friday night was no exception. Link had gone to bed fatigued and hungry, but what else was new since he had been on the ship? Being part of the crew really sucked ass.

Tetra hadn't failed to be a bitch. She was a fucking SLAVEDRIVER, in Link's opinion.

The boy groaned and wiggled, trying to break free of Gonzo's grasp.

"Uuuuuugggghhhh! DAMMIT!" he growled. At last, Link broke free, and tumbled to the floor. "Ow..."

He lay on the floor, trying to sleep. It was useless, so, Link decided to go to the deck.

Once he was there, he got the feeling that he was not alone.

"Who's here?" he called.

No answer.

Link climbed on top of the crow's nest, and screamed! Tetra was there, masturbating with a dildo.

"AAAAAH! POODLE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?" she yelled, dropping the dildo, pulling her pants up, and jumping to her feet.

Link nearly fell out of the crow's nest.

"WOAH!"

Tetra grabbed him, steadied him, and then started glaring at the boy, studying his face.

"Ok, Poodle..." she said coldly. "Why are you up here?"

Link blinked.

"I...uh...couldn't sleep..."

"Why are you up _here_, is what I'm saying!"

"I don't know...'cause I felt like it. What _I_ want to know is, why are you masturbating in your crow's nest? I mean, couldn't you do it in your bedroom?"

Tetra let go of Link, and sighed. Then she looked up at the sky and shrugged.

"'Cause... I, uh...like the atmosphere..."

"Atmosphere?"

"Yes. The sea, the moon, the stars...it's a big turn on for me."

"I didn't need to know that..." Link mumbled, looking away.

"Well, too bad, I told you anyway."

There was an awkward moment of silence (Hey, if you just caught someone masturbating/someone caught you masturbating, you'd feel pretty damn awkward, too!).

"Ok, why don't you just leave me be, and go back to bed!" Tetra said irritably.

Link smirked. "I can't rest easily knowing that you are up here...alone...with a dildo... It's too disturbing."

Tetra balled her hands into fists and stuck them on her hips. She leaned forward towards Link, narrowed her eyes, and glared straight into his.

"You know," she growled, her tone dark. "You have quite some nerve, mocking me...your _captain_! And it's especially gutsy of you to do it when you're the bottom rung of the pirate ladder!"

Link raised his eyebrows. Then he lowered them as he smirked once more.

"You're more bark than bite," he said.

"More bark, eh? Not enough bite for you? Well, then, how's _THIS_!"

And with that, Tetra yanked Link's arm forward, and bit him.

Link started screaming and trying to pull away, but Tetra wouldn't let go. He was no longer able to keep up his calm, cool attitude.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! DAMMIT! LET GO! LET GO! LET GOOOOOO! YOU'RE HURTING ME! STOP BITING MEEEEEEE!" he wailed.

Tetra stopped biting Link. Now, she was proceeding to pin his arms behind his back and shove him against the pole in the crow's nest.

"Now, apologize for all the rude, disrespectful things you said to me!" she commanded.

"No!"

Tetra pulled Link back, then shoved him into the pole, full force. Link yelped as the connection with the pole caused his nose to bleed.

"APOLOGIZE!" Tetra barked.

"NEVER!" Link declared.

Once again, Tetra did the same thing, except harder. This time, it was hard enough to make Link dizzy.

"Poodle, I'm on my last nerve! Apologize now, or suffer the consequences..."

"Uh..."

Tetra pulled Link back once more, and just as he was about to make contact with the pole again, there was an interruption.

"Miss Tetra! Miss Tetra!" a pirate in a purple shirt named Senza cried. "There is an intruder on the ship!"

Tetra dropped Link to the ground.

"What! Where!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not sure, Miss Tetra... Whoever it is is really fast...inhuman..."

"Inhuman?" Tetra questioned, half to herself, and half to Senza.

Senza nodded. "Yes, Miss..."

The captain stood up straighter.

"Senza, get the rest of the crew up. We're going to conduct a search of the ship! Tell them what's going on!" she commanded.

"Yes, ma'am!"

With a salute, Senza disappeared below decks to alert the rest of the crew.

Tetra began to descend from the crow's nest. When she was a little over halfway down, she called up to Link, who was laying at the bottom of the nest, squeezing his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding as he moaned and whined about his aches and pains.

"POODLE! GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND START SEARCHING!"

"HEY!" Link yelled in reply. "I am _NOT_ fat! How can I be fat! I've lost at _LEAST_ ten pounds since I've been here!"

Tetra was silent for a moment.

"True..." she finally said. "But, that's not the point! Just get down here, and start looking for the intruder!"

Seeing as he didn't want his brains knocked out, stomped on, sawed into little tiny Link's-brain-bits, eaten, then set on fire, the boy decided to listen to his captain. And so, reluctantly, Link climbed to his feet, and jumped out of the crow's nest, which really hurt once his ass had made impact with the wooden deck.

"OW!" he yelped.

Tetra; who was already off of the crow's nest and standing nearby; looked at him.

"You know, you could've used the ladder..." she said.

Link stood up, brushed himself off, and glared at her.

"Tch! I knew that!"

"Well, then, why _didn't_ you use the ladder?"

"Um..uuuuuumm...becaaauuuse..." Link thought for a moment. "Because I'm just too cool!"

Tetra shrugged her shoulders, rolled her eyes, and dashed off to find whoever had intruded.

Link looked around, wondering where to start searching, or even if he should search.

Deciding that helping with the search would probably be the most not painful option for him, he set off, scouting the deck.

Nothing. No one. No intruder.

Seeing as how that went so not successfully, Link went below decks. He looked into the room where he and the other pirates had been sleeping. All of the pirates, including Tetra, were merely looking around that one room as they paced in circles, seemingly examining the floor.

Link rolled his eyes, then turned to face the captain's quarters, AKA Tetra's bedroom... He knew that access to this room was forbidden by most, but decided to search it anyway.

Although he should've been prepared, seeing as that was probably one of the last possible places to look, he was still surprised to find that he was successful in capturing the culprit. Well, finding whoever it was, anyway. Link gasped for two reasons.

For one reason, the perpetrator had COMPLETELY turned Tetra's room upside down! Her things were strewn everywhere (Link couldn't help but notice all the sex toys and sexy lingerie thingies lying about the floor...), her bed was all fucked up, pictures had fallen, her desk was like, all snapped in half... You know, that sort of thing... And secondly, Link could see that Senza had made a point when he had used the word "inhuman". When Link heard him say that, he wasn't quite sure of what to expect, but now he knew.

Whatever it was was completely black, as if wrapped in shadow. The only things about it that were humanly were its outline and its eyes. It was human shaped-you could sort of make out the hair; which was held up in a curly-haired ponytail; the body, ect... Judging by the fact that there was some curve to it and it appeared to be wearing a simple dress as black as the rest of it, Link guessed that the creature was most likely female. And the other factor that was visible were the eyes... Although the rest of the creature was pitch black, she still had bright, round eyes.

The thing was rummaging through some drawers in Tetra's dresser, but quickly become aware of another's presence.

She quickly spun around to face Link, eyes wide with shock, maybe fear. But they narrowed with anger and hatred after a moment...

"Uuummm...I'm assuming you're the intruder...?" Link stated slowly, nervously...

The thing did not reply. It just kept its dark, angry gaze upon the boy. The eyes then focused on staring straight into Link's.

Link got a weird feeling when their eyes met... A dark feeling. A _cold_ feeling... A feeling that felt threatening...

"Um...could you leave now...?" Link squeaked in a voice hardly above a whisper.

The creature's eyes remained locked on his for a moment. Finally, she spoke...

"Funny. It really is quite funny. You are so scared...so very scared, for someone who has faced _so much_! You're nothing more than a pathetic coward. I taste much fear in your soul... And it pleasures me," the thing said. The voice was female, too, just like the shape. But it sounded fairly young and childish, giving Link the impression that whoever this was was about his age.

The boy felt a chill go up his spine. He wanted to cry out, but something stopped him.

"I'm...not scared! Not at all! Why would I be afraid of _YOU_! You're just a shadowy, magical...evilish thing... I am _SO _not scared!" he said in the most confident voice he could muster.

There was a moment of silence as the girl-thing stared Link down some more without blinking.

All of a sudden, Link screamed and turned to run away.

"MOMMY!" he wailed as he ran to the door.

The thing waved her hand, and the door shut right in Link's face, hitting him. The boy fell over backward as his nose began bleeding...again. He lay there, dazed.

The creature laughed.

"Stupid...I _SO_ saw that coming!"

Link whimpered and pinched his nose with his right hand, propping himself back up into a sitting position with his left.

"That was mean..." he whined.

The thing rolled her eyes.

Finally snapping out of his daze, Link sprang to his feet, and attempted to pull open the door. Bad idea. For one, the door wouldn't budge. It was shut and locked tightly, sealed... And two, when Link touched the knob, his hand got shocked and burned.

"_OW_!" he yelped, quickly cradling the injured hand as his eyes watered from the sudden severe shock of pain.

"Saw that coming, too," the creature said.

Link spun around to face her.

"Jeez, what are you, physcic!" he spat.

"Yes."

"Oh. Ok, then."

"Well, _ANYWAY_, not only are you a coward, but you're also very dumb as well. That was foolish...to think I'd let you leave, just like that! HA! How stupid can one be?"

Link glared at what he now considered both a threat and an enemy.

"It was _NOT_ stupid! Anyone would have done the same, exact thing!"

"Tell me, if you were being chased by a bear, would you run away?" the creature asked.

"Yes..." Link replied.

"_NO_!"

The sudden, loud, almost angry reply made Link jump.

"No...you wouldn't run. You would play_ DEAD_! DUH!" the thing said.

Link frowned.

"What do bears and playing dead have to do with this?"

"Not much, really. But, you get my point. Ok, let's get back on subject..."

"What subject?" Link asked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST _LISTEN_ TO ME!" the creature yelled.

Link jumped once more, then grew silent.

"I know you have the Triforce of Courage...I know Tetra has the Triforce of Wisdom... But do you know who posesses the Triforce of Power?" the girl asked as she began to walk forward towards Link.

Link tried to back away from her, but went too far and pressed himself up against the closed, sealed door.

"Yeah...Ganondorf did. But he's dead! I killed him!" Link paused for a moment. "Didn't I...?"

The creature nodded. She was about 8-10 feet away from Link now, and still kept walking towards him, ever so slowly...

"Yes. You _did_ kill him. But you didn't destroy the Triforce of Power... In fact, you have been decieved. After Daphness Nohansen Hyrule made that wish with the Triforce, the three crests did _not_ vanish forever."

There was a moment of silence as the distance between Link and the 'thing' grew smaller and smaller. When she was only about 3.5 to 4 feet away, something happened. Something unexpected.

The back of Link's right hand began to glow. He once again bore the mark of the Triforce on it, and strangely, the section of the picture with his own piece of the triangle began to glow...the Triforce of Courage.

The creature lifted up her own right hand, making sure that that its back was facing Link, and glowing brightly against the darkness of her skin, was a Triforce on the back of her hand...

Link gasped. The spot on it that was glowing the brightest was the spot of none other than the Triforce of Power!

"It's in...how you say, more _capable_ hands now..." the creature said with a smirk.


	4. Knives

_**Knives**_

Link yelped as the girl rushed forward. She placed the palm of her right hand on the part of the door near the right side of Link's head, and did the same with the left hand, only on the left side.

Link was trapped. He stood, pressed up against the door, shaking, looking to the side, trying to avoid looking at the thing's eyes.

"Go ahead... Let's see you run for the door _now_!" she taunted.

Link's wide eyes narrowed in anger. He said nothing.

"Oh, there _is_ no escape now, is there? You poor, poor, thing... You're trapped!" the girl said.

She pulled her hands off the door. Then, the creature placed her left hand on Link's chest to ensure that he remained up against the door, while she put her right hand in front of her face to examine the glowing symbol of the triforce upon it.

"You obviously did not expect this, did you? You did not expect that someone _else_ had taken the Triforce of Power... You thought it couldn't be done, didn't you?"

Link remained silent and still, except for his rapid breathing, fast heartbeat, and shivering body. Ok, I guess that means he wasn't standing still, but sort of! Oh, whatever. He wished that the thing would just let him go... He wanted freedom...oh, and maybe a few oreos...

"You came at just the right time, you know... I was planning to take you and Tetra down seperately, so this fits in perfectly with what I had plotted. You really are a fool..."

Link became rigid with anger and frustration.

"Not saying anything, eh?" the creature asked.

"Nope, not a word," Link replied.

"HA! You just said something!" the creature said.

"THAT DIDN'T COUNT!"

"Ok, whatever. Let me finish what I was sayi-"

"I'M TELLING YOU, THAT DIDN'T COUNT!" Link persisted.

In one quick movement, the creature moved her right hand, and placed it on Link's throat. Her grasp tightened. Link choked and coughed, now struggling to breathe.

"Now...I'm going to finish what I was saying," the thing said in a tone so cold you could actually _feel _the temperature of the room drop... "I took that section of the Triforce away. It was rather simple, mind you. Boy...you are so very oblivious. And you didn't realize that you had let your guard down!"

"What...are you talking...about!" Link sputtered.

"There will _always_ be evil in this world. There will _always_ be someone seeking the power of the Triforce. And you, Link...you and your little girlfriend...will _always_ be in danger!"

Link turned his head to glare directly into the cold gaze of the villain.

"Ok...you can call me stupid...you can call me scared...but you can _never_, and I mean _NEVER_ call Tetra my _GIRLFRIEND_!" he hissed.

"Oh, shut up already. I liked it better when you were being quiet!"

"_I liked it better when you were being quiet_!" Link mimicked in a funny, mocking voice.

The creature's grip on the boy's throat grew very tight, and Link found that breathing was harder than ever. In fact, he couldn't really breathe at all!

The thing narrowed her eyes.

"_How dare you mock me_!" she hissed.

Link shut his eyes tightly. He was shaking like crazy from fear. The boy focused all his energy on trying to suck in a breath, but for the most part, was unsuccessful. There wasn't much time before he would pass out, for he was already feeling lightheaded...

"Now that I have you where I want you, I think I'll just wait for you to suffocate to death... Then I will take your section of the Triforce, and dispose of your body!"

She leaned her face closer to Link's.

"Oh, and don't worry... Something _very_ similar will happen to your _girlfriend_..."

After using the last, tiny ounce of strength he had left in an attempt to break free of the creature's choking grasp, Link went limp, his vision grew dark... He was unconcious.

The thing smirked, and whipped out a shadowy, black knife pretty much from out of nowhere. She placed the sharp end gently against Link's neck, but not hard enough to kill him. She merely made a fairly small cut, which began to bleed.

"Good-bye, Link..." she said evilly, pulling the dagger away from her victim, preparing to bring it back to his throat with greater force...


	5. What Darkness Left Behind

_You will get to meet Bambi in the next chapter. She's my first madeup character, so when you review chapter 6, which will be called _Bambi_, tell me what you think of her._

_**What Darkness Left Behind**_

Just as she was about to bring it back to his throat in a fatal blow, the door flew open with great force! And unfortunately for the villain, she and Link were up against the door.

The knife flew out of her hand and clattered across Tetra's bedroom floor. The creature fell backward and skidded a little. The unconcious form of Link fell and slid forward a bit too, then stopped, laying on the floor; still. Tetra stood in the doorway.

"What's with all the racket? Link, what the hell are you -- oh, shit..." she started, but stopped when she saw the destruction done to her bedroom.

The pirate captain gaped at the horrible sight, not even noticing Link or the intruder. She threw herself onto the ground and started to yell.

"_MY ROOOOOOM_!_ IT'S ALL FUCKED UP_!_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_!" she screamed.

A moment later, the rest of her crew barged in. They gaped at the sight of their captain's destroyed bedroom. All of a sudden, a short pirate named Zuko started laughing. Tetra looked up, pulled a ninja star out of her pocket, and threw it at Zuko's head. Unfortunately for the lower ranking pirate, she had good aim. It landed right in between his eyes, and he died. The corpse fell backward, and when it hit the floor, the head popped off and bounced away.

Everyone watched the scene for a moment, then the pirate crew went back to gaping at the room while Tetra started throwing a fit again.

Across the room, still stunned and dazed, sat the creature who had nearly ended Link's miserable life. She had propped herself up with her hands, and was staring at Tetra with wide eyes.

At last, the captain looked up and noticed her.

The two girls stared at eachother in surprise for a moment, then Tetra narrowed her eyes.

"You...you...you _THING_! _YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU_?" she shouted.

The creature narrowed her own eyes, picked up her knife, and, knowing she didn't stand a chance against the pirate with all her goonies around, disappeared into thin air. Tetra jumped to her feet and went to the spot where the thing had been.

"Eh!"

She looked around, wondering where it was, and how it had disappeared. Unable to find an answer, Tetra shrugged.

"Oh, well. C'mon, boys, it's dinner time!" she said to her crew as she prepared to leave the room.

The other pirates were about to follow, when Nudge (Another pirate.) pointed to Link, who was still passed out on the floor.

"Miss Tetra, what about Poodle?" he asked.

Tetra looked down at the boy on her floor.

"Oh...him. Um...oh, I dunno!" she said irritably. "Do what you want with him! Meanwhile, I'm starving over here!" And with that, the captain left the room.

The rest of the crew started to follow as Nudge grabbed Link by the arm and dragged him across the floor and out the door.

Some time later, Link's eyes slowly opened. It took him a moment to sort out his thoughts and regain the feeling in his body, but after a few seconds, he finally did. When he regained feeling in his body, he realized that he was laying in a cot...Zuko's cot.

Link sat up as he let out a small moan.

"Well, look who's awake," a voice said.

Link's head shot up as he looked at the voice's owner. It was none other than Tetra.

"Tetra...? W-what are you doing here...? Why am I in Zuko's cot, and...what happened...?" Link asked.

Then he remembered: That thing...she choked him!

"I'm here because I was waiting for you to wake up. You're in Zuko's cot because Zuko's dead, and I don't really know what happened. I just ran into my bedroom, there was some thing, and you were unconcious on the floor."

"I remember now! There was that thing rummaging through your bedroom, and she saw me, and it was like...freaky... She started going on and on about shit, but I wasn't really listening. But she does have the Triforce of Power..."

Tetra stood in shocked silence.

Link continued on. "But man, Tetra, where do you get all those sex toys and lingerie things? They were all over everywhere! You are such a whore, you know, and-"

"Link, did you say that that thing had the Triforce of Power? Are you...sure?"

Link nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. So, like I was saying, you have way too many sex toys. And you obviously take weekly trips to Victoria's Secret."

"The Triforce of Power..." Tetra muttered, staring off into space.

"HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? I SAID YOU WERE A WHORE!" Link barked.

Tetra's head snapped up and she stared hard at Link.

"Link, I knew you were stupid, but _honestly_! We are talking about _the_ Triforce of Power, here! And, once again, it's in the hands of _evil_! Evil, dammit! Do you know what this means? We're in _danger_, Link! We might _die_! And another thing -- I thought the Triforce pieces went away!" she said as she stared in shock at the Triforce of Wisdom, which had mysteriously returned to her.

Link was silent for a moment as he looked down at the Triforce of Courage, which he hadn't even realized had returned to him, even though there had just been an encounter with it.

"So?"

"Link, that thing must've been trying to kill you, and you don't seem to mind!"

Link listened to Tetra for a moment, then his eyes widened.

"Ok...why do you sound _concerned_ about my well-being?"

"Concerned? HA! Like I would be concerned! I'm just surprised that _you_ aren't bothered by all of this!"

"I _am_ bothered! I just think your unhealthy amount of sex play items is something that's more important to address!"

"Link, you had better get over it, or else -- what the hell?" Tetra started, but stopped when her eyes fell upon the place where the creature had cut Link's neck a bit.

Instead of a wound, there was a tattoe of an eye...

"What?" Link asked.

Tetra walked over to Link and examined his neck.

"What is _that_?"

"What's what?"

"Link, you have a tattoey thing on your neck!"

"I do? But I never got a tattoe on my neck! Yeah, I have a tattoe, but it's on my...nevermind..."

Tetra poked it.

"Hey, don't poke it!" Link growled.

Tetra smirked and poked it again.

"Stop that!" Link said, pushing her hand away.

Tetra slapped Link. Link pushed her. In a moment, the two were wrestling on the floor.

Mako walked in. He stared at Link and Tetra on the floor.

"Um, I hope I didn't interrupt anything, like, you know...PERVERTED..." he said.

Tetra looked up at him.

"Um...no, we were just making an agreement. _Right_, Link?"

"No, we were duking it out. I was so kicking your a-"

"_RIGHT, LINK_?" Tetra said through clenched teeth, glaring at Link.

"Um, yeah, yeah! What she said!" Link told Mako.

Tetra turned back to Mako.

"So...what do you want?"

Mako shifted uncomfortably under his captain's glare.

"Um...Miss Tetra, the guys and I just found out that Windfall Island just got a ton of money, or something like that. Should we set sail for Windfall Island then?"

Tetra thought for a moment.

"How much money, you say?"

"A whole lot of money."

"Very well! Set sail for Windfall!"

Mako saluted, then he noticed the symbol on Link's neck.

"Hey, Link, kick ass tattoe! I have one, too! It's on my...nevermind."

Mako turned and left the room.

"You mean my tattoe placement idea isn't original? I thought no one would think of putting a tattoe _there_!" Link said.

Tetra walked to the deck.

"Get a good night's rest, boys! Tomorrow, we set sail for Windfall!" she barked.

Link listened. Something in the pit of his stomach told him that something bad was going to happen... Something _really _bad...


	6. Bambi

_Here's chapter 6! When you review, tell me what you think of Bambi. Ok, thanks._

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_**Bambi**_

Panting, she ran, the bag of stolen ruppees in her hands. Swerving away from the beach as the angry sailors followed her, she spotted them... It was time to put her plan into action.

After they and the rest of the crew had stolen the 1,000,000 ruppees Maggie's father put in the bank (That was the treasure. Whoopee.), Link and Tetra walked the streets of Windfall Island as Tetra babbled on and on about the case at hand. Link pretended to be listening, but was really eyeing the wallet poking out of her pocket...

"It just doesen't make sense. Something isn't right with the world at the moment, and every fiber of my intuition is telling me that we have to do something about it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's nice..." Link replied absentmindedly, extending his hand towards the wallet.

Tetra slapped him away. "STOP THAT! GET YOUR OWN DAMN WALLET, ASSHOLE!"

Link glared at her.

Suddenly, Tetra stopped, and stretched out an arm to stop Link.

"Link, do you hear that?" she asked.

"Hear what?"

Link listened. He heard shouting, footsteps, and panting coming from behind them. Both Link and Tetra spun around. Their eyes widened.

"Ok, I think we should run..." Link said, but before he could, the person that they had spotted coming at them flung herself into Link's back, knocking him to the ground with a scream. Tetra watched, wide-eyed.

The person was a girl about their age. She pulled Link to his feet, shoved a bag into his hands, and ran away again.

Link stood frozen with shock, clutching the bag. Tetra watched the girl for a second before turning to Link.

"Come on, Link, let's get her!" she said.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" a man boomed.

Link and Tetra looked up to see a group of really pissed sailors.

"What the hell are you doing with those stolen ruppees?" the sailor who had spoken before asked.

"Um, I...I...IT WAS ALL TETRA'S FAULT!" Link shouted, shoving the bag into Tetra's hands.

Tetra gave Link an outraged look. The sailors glared at Tetra.

"Well, young lady, why did you just steal these?" a sailor growled.

Tetra glared at Link for a moment before whipping out her dagger and killing all the sailors. Link stared at the corpses.

"Now, forget about them; let's go!" Tetra snapped as she grabbed Link's hand and pulled him in the direction the girl went.

Link couldn't understand why the hell she wanted to go after the person. Knowing Tetra, it was probably curiousity at first, but now it was most likely sheer anger because she pinned the blame on Link, who then blamed Tetra.

The two 12 year olds dashed down the cobblestone path. No sign of the mysterious girl. But when they ran into an alleyway, they came face to face with her.

Link managed to get a good look at her. She had long blonde hair the curled in at the bottom, held away from her face by a black headband. She had light skin and large eyes, which were even larger now that Tetra had taken out her dagger and pointed it at her throat. She was wearing a simple red dress and had white bandages wrapping up both her arms, but they only went up to the forearm. They were not worn because of some injury, but like some weird fashion statement instead. On her feet were simple black shoes. For the record, people, Bambi is almost an exact ripoff of Muffy from Harvest Moon. The only differences are the age, eyes (I picture her with Wind Waker eyes.), and clothes. How original I am.

The girl backed up against the end of the alley. She was trapped, and Tetra remained inches from her, the dagger held at her throat.

Link smirked and said, "Kill her!"

The girl's eyes widened more so.

"No, don't! Please!" she squeaked.

That voice! The girl's voice gave Link a weird feeling. It sent shivers down his spine... There was only one other voice that had made him feel this weird...

"And why not?" Tetra asked.

"Because I...I'm sorry...for, uh...stealing those ruppees and blaming it all on that boy?"

Tetra raised a brow.

"So...you stole these ruppees, eh?" she asked, nodding to the bag held in her other hand.

The girl nodded shakily.

That bitch is gonna get it now... Link thought, the smirk still on his face.

Tetra put the dagger away and extended her hand to the girl.

"The name's Tetra, and I like your style, kid. What's your name?"

The girl shook Tetra's hand and replied, "My name is Bambi."

"I'm the captain of a pirate ship, and we could use someone with your talent. Want to join the crew?"

"Sure!"

Link was dumbfounded. Finally, he exploded.

"TETRA, ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU'RE JUST GONNA TAKE IN SOME STRAY GIRL YOU FOUND ON THE STREET? YOU DON'T TAKE IN A STRAY _ANYTHING_, TRUST ME! MY SISTER AND I TOOK IN A STRAY CAT AND IT PISSED ALL OVER THE FLOOR! DO YOU REALLY WANT BAMBI TO PISS ALL OVER THE FLOOR?"

Tetra looked at him. "What's your problem, Link?"

Bambi blinked and stared at Link.

Something in his brain was telling him that Tetra was making a bad decision. There was something weird about Bambi. She appeared to be normal, she sounded normal, but the hairs on the back of Link's neck stood up whenever she talked or looked at him.

Tetra turned to Bambi and said, "Don't mind him. His parents dropped him on his head when he was a baby."

Bambi noticed the tattoe on Link's neck.

"What's that?" she asked.

Link glared at her and said nothing.

"We're not exactly sure. He had an encounter with a strange creature, and that eye tattoe just appeared on his neck. Well, I guess it's not a tattoe, Link said he already has one; it's on his...nevermind," Tetra told her.

Bambi walked up to Link, and using her right hand, tilted his head. She put her left hand firmly on his shoulder. This way, she could get a clear view of the eye.

"What the hell are you doing?" Link uttered, struggling.

"Ssh..." Bambi replied softly as she took her left hand off Link's shoulder and touched the mark lightly with her fingers.

Link suddenly felt very cold, but the eye began to burn. He yelped. Bambi took her hands off Link and turned to Tetra.

"Hm...that's very strange..." she said. The girl looked at Link. "You both had better be careful." She suddenly smirked at Link without Tetra noticing. "You never know who could be after you..."

Link rubbed the eye gently and looked at Bambi fearfully.

She just _smirked _at me! Didn't Tetra see that? he thought, looking at Tetra. He realized that she had not.

A little while later, Bambi, Tetra, and Link were standing near the pirate ship.

"I live at the bomb shop with my uncle, Bomb-Master Cannon. You see, my mom died of sickness when I was 2, and my dad was killed when I was 6, so he took me in. He's never really treated me like a person, though... He just smokes pot and drinks, so he'll probably forget about me once we leave," Bambi said.

Tetra nodded.

"Ok, so you're free to join us then. Welcome to the crew, Bambi."

Bambi smiled. "Thank you."

Link studied her up and down, searching for any visible reason on her that would change Tetra's mind.

"But Tetra, she's wearing a dress!" Link accused.

"So what?" Tetra replied.

"AND SHE HAS A HEADBAND!"

Tetra slapped Link. "STOP IT, THAT'S RUDE; AND MOST OF ALL, IT'S ANNOYING!"

Bambi stared blankly at Link.

The rest of the crew walked up to them, and Tetra turned to face them.

"Ok, boys, we have a new member. Guys, this is Bambi. Bambi, this is Niko, Gonzo, Senza, Nudge, and Mako. Say 'hi', Niko, Gonzo, Senza, Nudge, and Mako."

"Hi," the guys said in unison.

"Hello," Bambi replied.

"Ok, now that everyone has made nice, let's ditch this joint," Tetra said as she climbed onto the ship. The guys (Except for Link.) followed her.

Bambi watched them walk a little bit before turning slightly to look at Link, who was behind her. She smirked, and suddenly, her eyes glowed red... She poked Link on the forhead and walked away.

Link was chilled over what had just happened. It was bad enough that she mysteriously caused his eye mark to burn and smirked at him, but now she had eyes that could glow red, AND she poked him on the forhead, and when people do stuff like that, it's both annoying and a little disturbing...

Bambi had said that you could never know who was after you, but she was wrong. It was clear to Link who was after him, and he knew that she was up to no good...


	7. Eerie Connections

**PAY ATTENTION TO LINK'S CONCERNS IN THIS CHAPTER! SOME OF THEM ARE MAJOR CLUES IN FIGURING OUT THE STORY'S SECRET! Well, there are multiple secrets. You'll probably be able to get one of them from this chapter, but trust me, there are A LOT more. After all, this story's one big puzzle.**

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_**Eerie Connections**_

3 days after Bambi joined the crew, Link recieved the first letter from his little sister. It read:

_Dear Big Brother,_

_We got a poodle a few days ago! Isn't that great? He's pink, and he likes to hump the furniture. Grandma says that it's like having a better version of you living with us. We named him Gaylord, because Grandma told me that that name reminds her of you. You look like a "Gaylord", big brother._

_Not only has Gaylord replaced you in the family, but also for everyone else. Gaylord is recieving fan mail because he defeated Ganondorf and saved me from my prison. I'm so proud of him!_

_Well, I miss you, and please write back. I love you._

_Aryll_

Link read the letter in shock and disgust. It seemed that getting a poodle wasn't just a bluff like he thought it was. And what of this "fan mail" business? Link read over that part again.

"DAMMIT, _I _DEFEATED GANONDORF AND RESCUED ARYLL! NOT SOME STUPID DOG! JEEZ, IT DOESEN'T EVEN HAVE _THUMBS_!" he shouted.

Bambi entered the room (By the way, Link was in the room where all the pirates sleep.).

"What's all the commotion?" she asked.

"GAH!" Link jumped and spun around to face her. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Bambi gave him an innocent look and said, "Is it my fault you are loud? You scared me... I was _SO_ worried..." She smirked.

Link gazed at her warily.

Bambi had made his life a living hell, and it had only been 3 days! She always seemed to be watching him, and always did something creepy or weird whenever she got him alone, which she always tried to do.

To make matters worse, when the crew brought some of her belongings on board, Link discovered that 2 of those belongings happened to be twin swords. They were similar to Ganondorf's, but they were smaller and less elaborate. Knowing that she was armed and most likely dangerous, Link tried to keep his distance, but she seemed to be everywhere...

Link was also growing increasingly suspicious about the bandages covering her hands and forearms. Whenever Bambi was questioned about them, she told everyone that it was the most popular style in Windfall.

But how come she's the only native wearing them? It can't be a style if no one else wears them... Link thought. She's got to be hiding something.

Now, back to the present.

"Bambi, get your ass out that door right now..." Link growled.

Bambi took a step closer.

"For whatever reason, Link?"

Link took a step back and replied, "JUST STOP HARASSING ME, BITCH!"

"What are you guys doing?" Tetra asked. Apparently, she had just come through the door, and Link was actually glad to see her.

Bambi looked at Tetra. "Link's yelling at me when I did nothing wrong."

Tetra looked at Link.

Link glanced at both of them before hurriedly leaving the room.

A few hours later, night was upon them. All of the pirates had gone to sleep except for Link... He had business that needed to be done.

Link knocked on Tetra's bedroom door.

"Tetra! Tetra, open the door!"

He heard footsteps from inside the room, and finally, Tetra opened the door. She peered at him through surprised yet sleepy eyes.

"Link? What are you doing here? Go to sleep, dammit!"

"I need to talk to you!"

"About what?"

Link rolled his eyes and said, "Just let me in, it's important..."

Tetra allowed him to enter the room. She shut the door behind him.

"Ok, Poodle (He was called "Poodle" off and on.), make it fast and it better be good, or there will be dire consequences..."

Link looked around at the repaired bedroom for a second before turning back to Tetra.

"About Bambi..." he started.

"What about her?"

"Don't you find her, you know..._strange?"_

"Oh, of course I do," Tetra replied.

Link was surprised. He hadn't expected that answer.

"She worse than being weird, though... I think she's evil. When she touched the eye mark on my neck, it burned like hell, while the rest of my body got really cold. She smirks at me when you're not looking, her eyes can glow red, and she poked me on the forhead! And the whole bandage thing is weird. She's lying, it's NOT a style!"

"Oh, relax, Link. It'll be fine. And besides, she pokes _everyone _on the forhead, so get used to it."

"HEY! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS FREAKED OUT OVER EVIL FORCES! BUT HERE YOU ARE, OPENING THE DOOR TO ONE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KICK HER OFF THE CREW AND SEND HER HOME?"

"Because she has some amazing abilities, Link! I mean, even though this is weird, she's as strong as a lot of the men on board! She's incredibly powerful, despite her appearance. Now stop being so paranoid and go to bed!"

Link was about to say something, but decided against it. Defeated, he slunk out of Tetra's room and to the place where he slept. Link had been sleeping on the floor now that Zuko's cot belonged to Bambi and he didn't want to sleep with Gonzo.

"Hello, Link... Where have you been?" a voice said.

Link gasped and looked to his left to see that the voice's owner was none other than Bambi. She was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, glaring darkly at him. Her eyes gleamed brightly despite her position in deep shadow. She stepped out of the darkness and toward him.

"You've been talking about me to Tetra, haven't you?" she said coolly.

"If you knew that that's what I was doing, then why the hell'd ya ask?" Link shot back.

"Oh, shut up already. I liked it better when you were being quiet!"

Link's heart nearly stopped. Bambi had just said the EXACT words of the mysterious shadow creature that had attacked him that one day...

"W-why'd you just say that?" he stuttered.

Bambi glared at him and said, "Nevermind that. I wanted to tell you that you can't run to Tetra about this. She thinks you're paranoid, the rest of the crew thinks you're paranoid... So face it. Telling someone about the things I do isn't going to make me leave you alone." Bambi smirked.

Link looked at her hands. He saw with relief that she was not holding her twin swords.

"What are you going to do? Kill me? Heh, that'll be hard without your swords..." he snorted.

"Fool. I could kill you with forces far more powerful than mere weapons."

Link was growing increasingly suspicious about there being a possible connection between Bambi and the shadow creature.

Suddenly, Bambi said, "I don't know exactly how I'm going to kill you yet. We'll just have to wait and see, now won't we?"


	8. Something Unexpected

**WARNING! THIS CHAPTER SUCKS, AND IT'S SCARY, BUT I HAD TO DO IT! I'M SOOOOO SORRY, THIS IS GONNA TOTALLY KILL YOU, BUT IT'S PART OF THE PLOT, AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. IT WILL BE HARD, I KNOW, AMD IF YOU WANT TO RIP YOUR EYES OUT AND SCREAM BECAUSE OF THIS, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE MUCH BETTER, DON'T WORRY!**

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_**Something Unexpected**_

A week went by, and Bambi's strange behavior grew creepier. She kept hinting out to Link that she was up to something, as if taunting him. After all, she did know that no one believed Link's story. Regardless, Link kept trying to convince Tetra to kick Bambi off the ship, but to no availl.

Anyway, Link entered Tetra's bedroom. She looked up at him from the couch she was sitting on.

"Link, I know what you want, and the answer is 'no', for the millionth time! Now get the hell out of my room before I castrate you!"

"You just don't get it, do you, Tetra! Why don't you believe me?" Link asked.

Tetra rolled her eyes and replied, "I told you time and time again, Link...Bambi's a good worker, and we can't afford to lose her."

Link became furious. "She's your evil lesbian lover, isn't she, you lesbian!"

Tetra blinked. "What the hell are you talking about! I'm not a lesbian, you fag!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not a fag, lesbian!"

"Yes, you are, fag!"

"No, I'm not, lesbian!"

Tetra stood up and walked right up to Link. She glared at him right in the eye and said, "Care to say it again, gay?"

"LES-BI-AN!" Link said loudly, glaring at her in the eyes, too.

"FAGGOT!"

There was a long moment of silence. Suddenly, the quest to prove a point went too far when Link and Tetra said in unison, "WOULD A HOMOSEXUAL DO _THIS_!" And they kissed.


	9. Sinister Preparations

_**Sinister Preparations**_

Link sat on the deck of the ship deep in thought.

Why did I do that? Why did _she _do it? And why did it feel so..._right_? were questions running through Link's mind along with many others. What was he to do? Kill himself? That seemed logical.

He found a sharp piece of wood and held it up to his neck, but then he realized that there would probably be no money or drugs in hell, so he decided not to go through with the plan.

Link paced the deck of the ship. He felt extremely anxious, trapped, lost... He couldn't face Tetra, and there was no one else to talk to.

"I'm gonna go insane..." he muttered, shaking his head as he wondered how Tetra was feeling about all of this.

Tetra sat on her bed twiddling her thumbs, pushing herself further into denial. She realized that she liked the kiss, but didn't want to. Suddenly, the captain heard a knock at her door. She stood up and answered it.

"Hello, captain. Is everything alright? Link seems anxious, and I was wondering what was going on..." Bambi said.

"Huh...?" Tetra replied absentmindedly.

"Is everything ok?"

"Wait...what?"

"I ASKED IF EVERYTHING WAS OK!" Bambi shouted.

"Yeah, uh...everything's fine..." Tetra told her.

"Well...what happened?"

"Um..."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bambi asked.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Tetra, do you want to talk about it?"

Tetra was silent.

"HELLO?"

"What were we talking about again?"

Bambi did not reply; she just turned and walked away. Tetra shrugged and shut the door behind her.

A normal person would be discouraged by such a thing, but seeing as Bambi was not a normal person, this didn't bother her. It was the opposite, actually. Link and Tetra's lack of focus fit perfectly with her plans, for they would let their guard down. After all...she needed them for her plan, and they needed to have their defenses down or else it could not be done.

Bambi entered the room where all the pirates sleep (I forget what it's called.), looked around, and seeing that she was alone, smirked and shut the door. The other pirates were on deck finishing chores. Bambi strode over to her cot, and opened up her bag which was laying on top of it. She pulled out a scroll, the smirk still on her face.

"Tonight is the night when I start my most genius plan... Well, it's not _my _plan, I didn't write it or anything, but oh well. I must gather the blood of the three holders of the sacred crests, and send the blood into the seas on the Night of the Gods, and thus, a land long forgotten shall return! I will travel to that land, work my magic, and bring it to the surface once more! Then I am to take the entire Triforce, but that can only be done through murder... Wow, this plan will be fun," she said, examining the scroll. Next, Bambi took out four vials, three of which were empty. The last one, however, contained a puke-green liquid...

A few minutes later, Bambi poured the liquid into a glass of water and walked to the deck of the ship to find Link. After looking around, she found him on the crow's nest and climbed up. He was sitting, his back facing her, hugging his knees.

"Link?"

Link jumped and spun around.

"What the? Bambi, what the hell are you doing up here! Go away!"

"You seem so very, very troubled... I wanted to help, so I brought you some water."

Link stared at the glass warily.

"Ok, what'd you do to it?"

"Me? Do something to a simple glass of water? Why, how silly of you to think of such a thing, Link! I would never hurt you!"

"Then why did you say you were gonna kill me?"

"Did _I _say _that_?" Bambi asked enthusiastically.

"Um, yeah. Yeah, you did," Link replied flatly.

Bambi set the glass of water down and started massaging Link's shoulders.

"Well, I didn't mean it, honestly..."

Link's eyes widened. He shook Bambi off and stood up.

"Stop flirting with me! Jeez, I'm in love with someone!"

Link then realized that he had referred to Tetra.

"Ok, I'm going to kill myself now," he said, picking up the sharp piece of wood which had magically appeared on the crow's nest.

Bambi's eyes widened, and just as Link was about to stab himself in the neck with it, she grabbed his wrist tightly to stop him.

"NO! You can't die until after the night of the ceremony!" she cried.

Link stared at her fearfully, realizing that he was the victim of a person who was crazier than he originally thought.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Um, nothing! Nothing at all! Now just put down the sharp piece of wood and-"

Link tried to pull away.

"NO! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

Bambi grabbed his other wrist and tried to keep him still as she replied, "STOP IT!"

Link struggled harder.

"NO, I HAVE TO STAB MYSELF IN THE NECK WITH THIS SHARP PIECE OF WOOD, NOW GO AWAY!"

Bambi wrestled Link to the floor and pinned him down. She quickly grabbed the glass of water and forced the liquid down his throat. Link sputtered and coughed, but it was already down. Bambi took the piece of wood away from Link, stood up, and cheerfully said, "Ok, that's all I needed to do. Have a nice rest!" Then she left.

Link sat up, wondering what she had just done to him. Suddenly, a wave of dizziness swept over him, and he passed out...

Bambi entered Tetra's room with a glass of water a few minutes later...

"Oh, Tetra, you seem so very, very troubled...how about a nice glass of water?"

Link stirred, having been awakened from his deep sleep. He lay with his eyes still closed, waiting for the feeling to return to his mysteriously numb body. At last, it slowly came back...

At first, he felt pain in his forearm, the type of pain one feels when cut... He felt glass touch his skin, and then realized his wrist was held by a cold hand; his arm was lifted. Link struggled to regain full conciousness, but it was useless, he felt too weak and tired to even cry out because of the pain or struggle to get away from the hand. While this was going on, another feeling arrived, a tingling in Link's neck right where he bore the mark of an eye... After a moment, the tingling turned into severe pain. This was enough to shock Link back into full conciousness.

He opened his eyes and cried out in pain. He heard a gasp and felt the hand leave his wrist. Link sat up, grimacing out of pain. He turned his head to look at the owner of the hand, and was shocked when he saw the culprit. It was none other than the shadow creature!

Despite being in pain, Link reacted by picking up the sharp piece of wood (It mysteriously appeared again.) and slashing the creature across the face with it.

"DIE!" he screamed.

The creature yelped and brought her hands to her face, dropping threw vials, two full of blood, one empty. The creature put her hands down after a few seconds and glared at Link, who took another swing at her with the piece of wood. The shadow creature dodged and grabbed Link by the hair, jerking his head toward her.

"FOOL! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT! PREPARE FOR UNIMAGINABLE PAIN!" she cried, slamming her other hand down on the eye mark on Link's neck.

Link screamed loudly, it felt as if the skin the eye mark rested upon was on fire while the rest of his body was in ice.

All the pirates sat up and stared, Tetra burst in through the door. The shadow creature suddenly become aware of everyone gaping at her, and removed her hand from Link's neck. She scrambled to the vials, picked them up, and disappeared.

Link fell back, gasping and moaning from the lingering pain. Tetra ran to him and took his hand.

"Link, can you hear me?"

Link panted and squeezed her hand. Tetra took his other hand in her's.

"Calm down..." she said softly.

Some time later, Link awoke once more. He found himself in Tetra's bed and sat up quickly.

"What the hell?" he gasped.

Tetra; who had been sitting next to him; blinked out of surprise and got off the bed. Link stared at her.

"What the...what happened? Why am I in your bed? What were you doing next to me?"

Tetra blushed and looked away.

"Did you rape me?" Link asked.

Tetra looked at him again.

"NO! No, I didn't rape you! I just put you in my bed so you didn't have to lay in pain on the floor, ok?"

"Why were you staring at me?"

"I was...just checking out that eye mark again..."

"Sure. Right. Yeah."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Wait a second...are you really concerned about me?" Link gasped.

Tetra said nothing. Link smirked.

"You ARE!" he exclaimed.

"OH, SHUT UP! LET'S FACE IT, I LOVE YOU, OK!"

Link was shocked.

"I...I love you, too..." he uttered.

Another moment of silence followed.

"Oh, shit, I can't believe I just said that. Ok, I'm going to kill myself now," Link said, picking up the mysterious piece of sharp wood. Tetra grabbed his wrist.

"Oh, stop it. We love eachother, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am..." Link replied, dropping the wood.

"But we can talk about that later. Right now we have bigger problems... Tell me, Link...did you get cut, too?" Tetra asked, lifting up her arm to show Link a cut. Link looked at his arm and saw a very similar sight.

"Well, apparently, yes," he said, showing Tetra his arm.

Tetra looked at the wound.

"I woke up halfway to feel someone cut my arm. I felt really weak and tired, I couldn't even open my eyes or anything..." she said.

"The same thing happened to me. The shadow creature from before did it, and I know her true identity..." Link replied.

Tetra stared at Link.

"It's Bambi!" he said.

Tetra rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come off it, Link..."

"I'm serious!"

Bambi stumbled onto the deck of the ship, breathing in shuddering gasps, a hand to her face, the other one clutching three vials. She made her way to the very front of the ship and sat down.

"Dammit... DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! UGH! Ooooh, that Link... I will get my revenge..." she growled, taking the hand off of her face and looking at it. It was covered in blood from her face.

"Oh well... I got what I needed, but just barely... Stupid drug. It wasn't strong enough to keep Link unconcious!"

Bambi looked at the two vials filled with blood.

"I have the blood of the courage and wisdom crest bearers...all that remains..." Bambi filled the final vial with the blood from her face. "Is my own blood... At last! I have all the ingedients for my plan... Nothing will stand in my way! Not even Link! NOT EVER!"


	10. The Guardian

**PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER! I NEED MORE REVIEWS, PLEASE! Please? ;-;**

**Anyway, I will be updating my bio soon. I have much interesting news for you all, including exciting previews and a sprite comic... Just wait and see! **

**Sorry it took me a while to put this chapter up, I've been so very busy lately. I'm having a terrible summer...**

**Well, enjoy the chapter!**

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_**The Guardian**_

"Where's all my soul sisters

Let me hear y'all flow, sisters.

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister!

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister!

He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge

Strutting her stuff on the street!

She said, "Hello, hey, Joe! You wanna give it a go?"

Oh!" Bambi sang as she swabbed the decks.

Link, who just so happened to be doing the same job at the same time, glared at her. She had been singing _Lady Marmalade_ for a very long time, too long, in fact. He was getting sick of it.

"Bambi, you ruined the song, now shut up!" he snapped.

"Gitchie gitchie ya ya da da!

Hey, hey, hey!

Gitchie gitchie ya ya here.

Hey, hey, hey!

Mocha Chocolata ya ya!

Ooh, yeah...

Creole Lady Marmalade...

Oh!" she continued.

Link twitched.

Does the bitch have ears! he thought.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir!

Oh, oh.

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

"BAMBI! HEY! LISTEN!" Link shouted.

Bambi shut up and turned around.

"Yes?"

Link once again looked at the large cut across her face and shuddered. He had glimpsed it many times in the past few days, but it always brought the memories and reminded him of his confirmed suspicion: Bambi was the shadow creature.

Link had showed the evidence to Tetra, and amazingly and annoyingly enough, she still wasn't convinced. And so, Bambi was still able to torture him.

"Stop singing!" Link said.

"Or else what?" Bambi replied in a creepy, pleasant tone.

"Or else, uh...I'll have to kick your ass?"

Bambi was silent for a moment. Then she started laughing.

"You? Kick _my _ass? Silly, silly! I'm not going to fight you!" she told him as she strode over to him. Bambi poked him on the forehead.

Link glared at her. "Why, you scared?"

Bambi pulled her mopping things over next to Link and resumed the job.

"Well?"

Bambi smiled and didn't even look up at Link as she replied, "No, it's not that."

"What is it then!"

Bambi giggled. "I just know that if you and I were to fight, I would win so easily!"

Link blinked. Then the rage came... He slammed the mop on the deck of the ship.

"IS THAT A CHALLENGE?"

Bambi looked at him.

"Temper, temper..." she said with a smirk (Oh, crap, Lion King quotes!).

"I'll take you on, bitch, AND I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN!" Link yelled, lunging at her. Bambi stepped out of the way, and Link fell. She then proceeded to elbow him.

Standing up, eyes glowing red, she said, "Foolish boy! You will regret having questioned my abilities!"

And thus, the fight began! The other pirates began watching and cheering the kids on.

* * *

Tetra heard shouting, screaming, and cheering from her bedroom. Setting down the map she was looking at, she arose with a grumble and went to the decks. 

"AYE, YOU GUYS! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! GET BACK TO WORK, DAMMIT!" she yelled.

Tetra now saw what all the commotion was about. Apparently, Link and Bambi had been duking it out. She watched them yanking eachother by the hair, back and forth, back and forth...

Rolling her eyes, Tetra walked up to them.

"You guys! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

Bambi and Link ignored her and just kept pulling and growling.

"YOU PUSSIES! YOU FIGHT LIKE SHIT!" Tetra yelled, punching both of them in the stomach. The two fighters yelped, released eachother, and fell to the ground.

"Ow..." Link moaned, rubbing his stomach. "What did you do that for?"

"I had to, pulling hair is no way to fight, dumbass! Now, Bambi, get back to work, and Link, I need to talk to you.

Bambi stood up, smirked at Link, and went back to mopping the decks as Link and Tetra departed for the captain's bedroom.

After Tetra shut the door behind them, Link asked, "Ok, what is it?"

Tetra picked up a letter and handed it to Link.

"Here. I already read it, and let me say, I'm not too fond of the idea, and you're probably gonna hate it even more than I do."

The letter read:

_Dear Mr. Link:_

_You are to arrive at Outset Island immediately to take custody of your sister and poodle. Your grandmother is being arrested for arson and grand theft auto, and will be attending anger managment classes and living in the clink._

_Sucks for you, I guess._

_Sincerely, _

_The Court People_

Wide-eyed, Link dropped the letter as Tetra took a picture of his face.

"WHAT THE... H-HOW CAN I TAKE CUSTODY OF MY SISTER! I'M ONLY 12! AND I DON'T WANT THAT DAMN POODLE! TETRA..."

"Ah, relax, I've already gotten a cage..." Tetra said as she wrapped her arms around Link's waist.

Link stiffened -- he wasn't used to this contact between him and her yet.

"For the dog?" he asked.

"No, for your sister."

"Oh."

"And we're gonna need a leash, too..."

"For my sister?"

"No..." Tetra shoved her hands down Link's pants. "For us..."

Link was a little startled. He wasn't even used to the idea of being in love, and Tetra already wanted sex. Half of him (Probably the half with all the hormones) wanted it, too, but the other half was more reluctant.

"Um..." he uttered.

This was very awkward for Link. It would be his first time...well, having sex with no money involved, anyway...

Tetra shoved her hands deeper.

"What do you say? Wanna do it?"

"Uh, can we like...talk about this later? I've got kind of a lot on my mind..."

Tetra looked away, frowned, and took her hands out of Link's pants. With a sigh, she said, "Fine...ok..."

There was a long, awkward moment of silence.

"Well...let's go to Outset..." Link muttered, blushing.

Tetra nodded, and the two of them left the room.

Link got back to work mopping the deck. There was so much on his mind. Bambi's evil...ness...and, uh, Tetra, and now Aryll.

It was bad enough that Link had to work on a pirate ship, but now he had to raise his sister at the age of 12 and put up with a dog. Well, he figured maybe he could kill the dog or something... Then there was Bambi -- Link really didn't want her hanging around his baby sister. And then there was Tetra...Link was in love with her, and she was going too fast for him.

Why can't I be as fearless about this as she is? Link thought.

* * *

A few hours later, the pirate ship pulled up to tiny Outset Island. The crew and its captain got off the ship, only to find police cars surrounding Link's house, which was odd, because there weren't any roads or anything, and this wasn't modern day. 

"Big brother!"

Link spun around, and before he knew it, Aryll was stuck to his legs like a leech. Bounding behind her came a pink poodle.

"Hi...Aryll..." Link said through gritted teeth as he patted her lightly on the head. He glanced at the dog that was staring...staring at _him..._

Suddenly, Medli walked up to Link. She was carrying a notepad, a pen, and was wearing the sexy cop outfit Komali had given to her.

"You're Link, right, kid?" she asked, looking at the notepad.

"Um, YEAH! You know me, remember?"

"Uh-huh. Ok, I ask the questions around here, got it?"

"What kind of game are you playing, Medli!"

Medli slapped Link.

"That's OFFICER Medli to you, kid!"

"Officer? What? You can't be a cop, you're the same age as me!"

Medli slapped Link again.

"I SAID I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE!"

"I didn't ask a question!"

Medli slapped Link once more.

"Ow..." Link whined, putting a hand to his cheek.

"Now, let's get down to business. Your grandmother is getting sent to the clink and anger management classes, and your sister and dog get to live with you," Medli said.

"That sucks...where's Grandma?"

Medli nodded to the door of Link's house. Link struggled to turn around, for Aryll was still hanging onto him.

Two police officers were dragging his screaming grandmother from the building. She was clutching a lighter and shouting about how she would burn them all.

"GIVE ME THE LIGHTER, OLD WOMAN!" a cop yelled, trying to yank it from her grasp.

"NEVER!" Grandma cried.

The authorities finally managed to get her in a police car.

"Wow...that was extreme...and kind of embarassing, too..." Link said, scratching his head. "I hope these anger management classes work..."

"Oh, they will. Don't worry, your grandmother is in good hands," Medli said.

* * *

Makar stood on a tall stool in front of a chalk board, a piece of chalk in hand, or whatever it is that damn shrub has... 

"Ok, guys, let's think of some ways we can vent our rage without getting arrested..." he said.

A guy raised his hand.

"Yes, sir? Do you have a suggestion?" Makar asked.

"Um, yeah..." the guy said.

"Well?"

"We could, uh...kill stuff?"

"Um, no, because killing is a CRIME, and CRIME will get you ARRESTED..."

A woman raised her hand, and Makar called on her.

"We could kill stuff," the woman told him.

Makar was silent for a moment.

"Ok, let's get an answer from someone who's not a total dimwit..."

Another man raised his hand. Makar sighed and said, "YES?"

"We could...we could...kill stuff?"

Makar took out a ninja star and threw it in the guy's head. Then the guy died. It was then that Makar noticed someone was missing from his class...

"Hey, have any of you seen Link's grandmother?" he asked.

Suddenly, a car crashed through the side of the building. Maniacal laughter came from the driver, who was none other than Grandma.

"SEE YOU ALL IN HELL!" she cried, running over people.

Makar screamed and tried to escape, but Link's grandmother rammed the car into him, punting him into the side of another building which then randomly exploded.

* * *

Link sat on a cot. His little sister stood before him, and he had his hands on her shoulders as he looked her straight in the eye. It had been a few hours since the crew left Outset, and night was upon them. 

"Ok, Aryll, here are the rules: No butting into my sex life, no watching me get dressed, no asking stupid questions, don't let the damn poodle near me-"

"His name is Gaylord!" Aryll said.

"AND NO INTERRUPTING! Do you understand?"

"Yes..."

"Good. I love you, now get in your cage and go to sleep."

"My, my, what an adorable little sister you have..." a voice from behind Link said.

Link jumped and looked to see Bambi standing behind him, which was weird, seeing as he had been facing the door and would have seen her come in.

Link glared at her and asked, "What do you want, Bambi?"

"I just came to see your little sister..." Bambi replied innocently.

"Stay away from her..." Link growled.

"Who's that?" Aryll asked, pointing at Bambi.

"That's Bambi, and she's a bitch. Trust me, you won't like her, her parents dropped her on her head as a baby so her brain is scrambled."

Bambi gave Link a cold look.

"Don't listen to him, Aryll... Your brother is a penis."

"Woah, really?" Aryll asked.

"And not only is he that, but he's also a big -- what the fuck?"

Bambi looked down and saw Gaylord the poodle humping her legs. She tried to shake him off, a look of disgust on her face.

"UGH, DAMN DOG!" she bellowed as she finally managed to rid herself of the canine.

Link smirked, and Bambi started to leave the room. But before she did, she stopped at the doorway and turned her head just enough to look at Link. Her eyes glowed red, and she smiled...

"You better watch your back, but even caution can't save you..." she said. Then she left.

I didn't think things could gets worse... I was wrong. They CAN... Link thought with dismay as he watched Bambi walk away (Hey, a rhyme!).


	11. When No One Believes You

**GO TO MY BIO PAGE! CHECK OUT THE PREVIEWS FOR NEW STORIES! YOU WILL LIKE THEM! YOU WILL BE HAPPY! AND PLEASE REVIEW! THE MORE REVIEWS THIS STORY GETS, THE MORE PEOPLE WILL CHECK IT OUT! SPREAD THE LOVE! PEACE OUT, MAN!**

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_**When No One Believes You**_

"Tetra, she did it again... She threatened to kill me, right in front of Aryll!" Link said. He was leaning against Tetra's bedroom door. She was doing something in there, and he didn't know what. Actually, he didn't really want to know what.

Link sighed. "Tetra, are you done doing whatever it is you're doing yet?"

"Hold on one more second..." Tetra said through the door.

"What are you doing?"

Finally, the door opened a little. Tetra reached her hand out and yanked Link inside.

"What the? What the hell are you...oh, crap!"

Link saw that Tetra was wearing a black leather sex outfit. She held a whip in her hands and gave it a tug. Smirking, she said, "It's time to play..."

Then the door shut...

* * *

Aryll heard moaning coming from Tetra's bedroom. She decided to check it out, so the little girl set off for the captain's quarters and opened the door...

Link and Tetra screamed.

Aryll stared; she didn't quite understand why her brother was naked on the floor and Tetra was sitting on top of him in a strange outfit.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" Aryll asked.

Link and Tetra stuttered, trying to figure out what to say.

"I ASKED WHAT YOU WERE DOING!" Aryll said loudly after not hearing an answer.

"We're, uh...we're...um..." Link started.

"Playing horseback riding!" Tetra said quickly.

"Yeah, that's right!" Link agreed.

"Woah, cool! I love horses! Can I play, too?" Aryll asked.

"NO! Aryll, horseback riding is a big people's game! You can't play!" Link told her.

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAAAAIIIIR!"

"LOOK, YOU LITTLE SHIT, GET OUT OF HERE! GO DRINK BLEACH OR SOMETHING!" the boy yelled.

"Well, now, that's no way to talk to your little sister..." Bambi said, stepping out of the shadows behind Aryll with a smirk.

Oh, great. Just great. First my little sister, and now this THING! Link thought, turning red with blush.

Bambi raised her eyebrows when she saw Link and Tetra and quietly observed for a few seconds. Then suddenly, she started laughing hysterically.

Tetra grumbled, blushed, and looked away. Link rolled his eyes.

Wiping away a tear, Bambi said, "Come on, Aryll, let's go. The horse show is over, but I'm sure your brother and Tetra will be enjoying some casual trail riding as soon as we leave, hee hee..."

As Bambi took Aryll's hand and walked away, Aryll asked, "Will _you _play horseback riding with me?"

Tetra got up and shut the door.

"Damn, I need to get a lock..."

Link still lay on the floor, naked.

"Well, where were we?" he asked with a smirk.

Tetra smirked, too.

"I remember..." she said, walking towards him.

* * *

Nightfall. 11 PM, to be exact. Bambi walked alone to the deck of the ship and strode to the bow, looking out at the ocean.

"The Night of the Gods is only 2 weeks away... Hehehe...what a celebration. The return of Hyrule is a most glorious thing. But I have to hurry. I can feel my power over _her _ebbing away slowly... Once I am comfortably settled in Hyrule and have things under control, I'll put that damn girl back in her place... And once I get the power of the sages, things will be even better."

Bambi turned her head to look at the door leading to the lower deck. Her eyes turned red.

"No one believes you, Link. They just don't care. However, you are right. I am up to no good! Hee hee! But by the time Tetra discovers the truth just as you have, it will be too late. You'll both go up in flames! LITERALLY! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Suddenly, Bambi felt something. Looking down, she spotted Gaylord humping her legs.

"DAMN DOG, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" she yelled, kicking him off.


	12. The Last Shot

_**Sorry this chapter's so short. The next one will blow you away though, I promise! It'll be a good one. AND LOOK AT MY BIO PAGE! I am proud to announce that 2 new parody stories are about to be born! LASTLY, REVIEW! Ok, enjoy chapter 12.**_

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_**The Last Shot**_

"I'm only gonna tell you one more time, Tetra... GET RID OF HER, DAMMIT! SHE'LL KILL US ALL!"

Link and Tetra were taking a walk on the deck of the ship.

"Oh, come off it, she will not 'kill us all'!" Tetra replied.

"She's weird! She's insane! I wouldn't put it past her," Link said.

Tetra sighed and said to her boyfriend, "Ok, let's go find her right now. I'm sure she's doing something, uh...somewhat ordinary..." With that, the couple went below decks.

After a few minutes, Link and Tetra spotted Bambi. She seemed to be in some sort of trance... It appeared that she was having a conversation with herself.

"You can't do this, I won't let you!

Shut up! You have been banished, you fool! Don't you remember?

I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT!

THEN RESPECT IT!" she said to herself.

Link and Tetra gaped, wide-eyed. Suddenly, Bambi snapped out of her state and looked at them in shock.

"Oh, uh...hi..." she sputtered.

The other two kids just stared. There was a long moment of silence before Link slammed the door shut.

"Ok, I admit, that scared me..." Tetra said quietly.

"That was not normal..." Link replied.

"What is she, schizophrenic?"

"Probably. Look, we can't keep her..."

Tetra sighed. "We can't let her go, Link..."

Link was shocked. Before when he said that was the last time he was going to beg for Bambi's exile, he didn't mean it, but now the message sunk in. It was of no use.

"You...are dense... Dense and in denial that there's something seriously wrong here. Why won't you listen? You NEVER listen!" he snapped.

"Hey! I listen, but I think, too!"

"APPARENTLY NOT!"

Link stormed off.

"Link, wait!"

Tetra followed.

Bambi opened the door and looked out... Link and Tetra were gone. She let out an exhausted sigh, shut the door again, and leaned against it.

"Damn... I better not let that happen again. Oh well, no matter... The Night of the Gods is tomorrow, anyway." She smirked, "And I've had a change of plans. I'll execute my attack in such a way that they just may be able to survive, and if they do, I may have some use for them... I need the power of the sages, and that will be hard. If they get those powers and come after me, then I can kill them and everything I need will be right in front of me, hehe... But if they die, I'll just have to go about things the hard way. Hm."

Bambi grew silent and listened to Link and Tetra arguing. When she realized what it was about, she smirked.

"Ah...it seems Link has given up. His last attempt at stopping me has failed... His LAST attempt, for now it is too late.

The Night of the Gods is tomorrow, and everyone's doomed! HA HA HA HA HA..."


	13. A Secret Revealed

_**A Secret Revealed**_

"ARYLL, YOUR DAMN DOG SPRAYED SEMEN ALL OVER MY STUFF! LEARN TO CONTROL IT!" Link said angrily, holding up a shirt stainted with poodle semen.

Aryll held Gaylord.

"He didn't mean it! Don't blame him for having a orgasm!" Aryll defended.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT WORD?"

"Bambi told me."

"She told you about orgasms! What else did she tell you!" Link snapped.

"She told me about AIDs and genital warts. She says you have herpes, and you obviously gave them to that damn dog Tetra," Aryll said casually.

Link's eyes widened.

"And that's not all she said! She said that you're a male hooker and you fuck just as many men as you do women."

Link stood in shocked silence.

"And she also said that you probably have hundreds of bastard children and that you-"

"ARYLL, SHUT UP! I DON'T HAVE HERPES, I AIN'T NO HOOKER, AND I DON'T HAVE KIDS! I'M 12!"

"That never stopped you before!"

"What?"

"You've had sex lots of times, big brother! With a squirrel once, too!"

"SHUT UP, YOU TURD!" Link yelled, lunging at Aryll. Aryll screamed, dropped Gaylord, and dodged.

"YOU ORGASM!" she shouted.

"THAT'S STUPID! YOU CAN'T CALL ME AN 'ORGASM'!"

Aryll just shoved Link to the ground, took off his shoes, and ran away, Gaylord at her heels.

Link sighed. Taking care of his sister was hard. Well, all he had to really do was clean her cage and litterbox and give her fresh bowls of kibble and water, but there were the emotional factors as well. She needed to be told she was a good dog and such. Unfortunately, Aryll was very annoying as well. She had the habit of stealing Link's shoes; he had absolutely no idea what she was doing with them... Actually, he didn't even want to know.

Rolling his eyes, Link dropped the shirt with the rest of his stuff and went to the deck to finish up his chores for the night...

Link stirred and woke up. He wasn't quite sure what had robbed him of his sleep. Still groggy, it took him a moment to even realize where he was -- in Tetra's bed. This wasn't unusual; they had been sharing a bed. But when he looked at the doorway, he spotted the problem and nearly jumped out of his skin.

Bambi stood there, smiling at him...

"Oh, so you finally woke up..." she said.

Link sat up quickly.

"What are you doing here, Bambi!"

"I have the right to go where I please."

"I asked what you were doing here, you dumbfuck!"

"Oh, just checking on you... Now I'm going to the deck. I advise you not to follow me," Bambi said, leaving.

Link just sat there, thinking.

Should he follow her? She told him not to, but that clearly meant she was up to something... But what if she was going to do something harmful?

After a few minutes of battling himself, Link gave in to Bambi's reversed physcology. He got out of bed and crept to the deck.

Bambi sat on the bow's ledge, looking out at the ocean. The moment Link shut the door leading to the lower deck she turned her head to look at him. Upon seeing who it was, her eyes glowed red and she smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, Link. I told you not to come, hehe..."

Link approached slowly.

"What are you up to?" he asked carefully, giving her a wary stare.

Bambi made an innocent face; a hard feat for a girl with red eyes.

"I just wanted to talk to you..." she said.

"But you said you didn't want me up here..."

"Well, I lied."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Ok, what do you want to say to me?" Link asked.

Bambi examined her bandaged hands.

"I know you know my secret..."

It took Link a moment to realize what she was talking about.

"Y-yeah...I do... You're the shadow creature..."

Bambi looked up at Link.

"I also know that you don't believe that this is a fashion trend..." she said, nodding to the bandages.

"It's obvious that's bull! I've always known you were lying about that!"

There was another chunk of silence.

Finally, Bambi said, "Well, you ARE right... I AM lying..."

Smirking, Bambi began to unravel the bandages. Link gasped when the deed was done.

On her right hand, Bambi bore the mark of the Triforce of Power. On the other was the mark of an eye...identical to Link's.

Link gasped.

"THAT...THOSE..."

"Hm...yes. The Triforce of Power and the eye mark. But you can ponder over that later. Right now, you're just in time to witness the ceremony..." Bambi said slyly, taking out 3 vials filled with blood...


	14. Overboard

_**I WILL BE GONE FOR 10 DAYS STARTING TOMORROW! AND ALSO, READ MY NEW STORIES! AND REVIEW, TOO! OR ELSE... (Muffin the giant imaginary penguin punches a mirror and breaks it)**_

__

_**Overboard**_

Link was beginning to panic now.

"Bambi, tell me right now! What does that eye mean? What are you up to?" he cried.

Bambi smirked at him and furrowed her brow slightly. She said nothing.

"TELL ME NOW, DAMMIT!"

Bambi climbed up onto the ledge of the bow and yanked the corks off the three vials. A strange silence filled the air as she began to speak.

"GODS! I HAVE IT HERE! IN MY HAND I HOLD THE BLOOD OF THE THREE WITH THE CRESTS! HEAR MY WISH...AND GIVE HYRULE TO ME!" she screamed, throwing the vials into the ocean.

The earth began to shake. Bambi climbed off the ledge and back onto the boat as the vessel began to rock violently. Dark clouds filled the sky and it suddenly began to storm with the force of a hurricane.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Link shrieked, looking at Bambi with wide eyes.

Bambi smiled and pointed out into the ocean. Link looked to where she had gestured to.

Up ahead he could see the Tower of the Gods. Three beams of light were shooting up from the old entrance to Hyrule; an entrance that Link had closed not very long ago.

Bambi was bringing Hyrule back...

"YOU CRAZY BITCH! WHY?" Link yelled, turning to look at her once more.

Suddenly, Bambi disappeared. Link gasped and looked around desperately.

"What the...where did she go?"

Then Bambi reappeared behind him with an evil smile. She rushed him, and Link was backed up to the ledge. Bambi pressed herself against him and stared him straight in the eye.

Placing two fingers on Link's chest in a flirty way and looking seductively into his eyes, Bambi said, "Let me answer those questions for you now...

I have just brought Hyrule back. I shall collect the power and force of the 8 sages: Saria, Darunia, Ruto, Impa, Nabooru, Rauru, Medli, and Makar... Then I will raise Hyrule to the surface of the ocean and rule over all... It will be grand, trust me.

As for the eye, well... Let's just say that it is the symbol of the greatest man alive..."

"W...what? 'The greatest man alive'...? What the hell does THAT mean?" Link asked.

"You will know with time, Link...if you even LIVE!"

Link realized that she was going to try to kill him. He began to struggle to get away, but something didn't let him. He was trapped.

Suddenly, the door to the lower deck burst open. Both Link and Bambi's heads jerked to see who had run in on them. A bolt of lightning lit up the sky, and Link saw with both surprise and relief that it was none other than Tetra!

"LET HIM GO, BAMBI...I'M WARNING YOU..." she said, glaring at Bambi as she drew her dagger and began to stride towards them.

Bambi chuckled.

"Oh, and what are YOU going to do about it?" she asked.

Tetra pointed her dagger at her and prepared to run at her, but Bambi locked eyes with Tetra...and she suddenly felt mysteriously rooted to the spot.

"What the...?" Tetra gasped, looking at her feet. Nothing visible was holding her.

"That's better. Stay there while I take care of Link here..." Bambi cooed, turning her attention back to the boy pinned against the ledge.

"And I must say, Link...and Tetra, too... Thank you for your Triforce pieces. I'm thanking you in advance, for after your death, I will take them from you," she said.

Link and Tetra glared at her.

"You had something to do with the fact that our Triforce pieces returned to us...didn't you?" Tetra asked, her face serious.

Bambi glanced at Tetra and nodded.

"Yes, actually. That was MY doing. I did it using occult magic... And that's not the only damage I've done using the powers of occult."

Bambi paused for a moment before finishing, "I also brought back Ganondorf those many weeks ago. It was an accident, mind you, and he was defeated anyhow, but...I just thought I'd let you know..." She smirked.

Link gasped.

BAMBI had brought back Ganondorf?

Tetra glared.

"YOU BITCH..."

Bambi chuckled.

Tetra looked sadly at Link. "LINK...I'm sorry...I-I should have listened to you..." she said.

Link just smiled weakly at her. He couldn't SAY he forgave her, 'cause I mean, after all...this WAS kind of her fault in the first place... But now was not the time for "I told you so's" either.

"It is too late for regrets, you two... It's time to pay for all those mistakes... And so, I bid you farewell, Link..." Bambi said with an evil smile as she suddenly heaved Link off the boat. He screamed and plunged into the violent, churning water.

Tetra suddenly felt Bambi's physcic hold on her break. She ran to the ledge and looked out over it.

"LINK! NOOOOO!"

But then Bambi knocked Tetra off the ship! She too fell screaming into the ocean.

Bambi peered over the ledge at them, observing as they floundered about and struggled to stay above the surface, which was hard, seeing as it was storming so terribly.

Aryll ran up to the deck followed by the other pirates.

"What's going on?" Senza asked.

Bambi turned to look at them for a second before running up and grabbing Aryll tightly.

"What are you doing? Let me go! BIG BROTHER, SAVE ME!" Aryll yelled, struggling.

A ball of fire appeared in the palm of Bambi's hand. She used it to set the pirate ship on fire.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU CRAZY PHYSCO BITCH?" Niko yelled as the flames grew at a magically rapid pace.

Bambi just smirked and backed away. Transforming into the shadow creature, she leapt off the boat, a screaming Aryll in hand; and headed for the Tower of the Gods.

The pirates remaining on the ship began to try to escape their flaming boat as Link and Tetra, now drifted far away from the pirate ship; began to lose conciousness...


	15. Bambi's Letter

_**CHECK OUT THE NEW STORIES! AND REVIEW! AND NOW LOOK AT THIS LITTLE PREVIEW THING:**_

**_Here are some chapters you can expect to see in the future of this story:_**

**_Prince Komali_**

**_The Shadow Song_**

**_Saria_**

**_The Spirit Temple_**

**__**

**_There you have it, folks! Soud cool? Yes. Yes, it does. Now enjoy the chapter! _**

**_AND REVIEW!_**

* * *

_**Bambi's Letter**_

Link's body struggled to regain conciousness. After many minutes of trying, it reached its goal. Links coughed, opened his eyes, and sat up slowly.

"Am I dead...? What the..."

He looked around and found himself on a beach. The sea before him was calm, and the cloudless sky was a bright blue.

Suddenly, Link heard coughing and sputtering to his right and was surprised to see Tetra. After a moment, she sat up and looked at him through squinted eyes.

"Link...? Is that you...?"

"Tetra! You're alive!"

"How can we be sure?"

Link pinched Tetra.

"Ow! Piece of shit, that hurt!" Tetra yelped.

"Yep, we're alive," Link said with a nod.

The couple observed their surroundings. Behind them was a forest of palm trees.

"What happened?" Link asked, but suddenly remembered: Bambi had thrown them overboard, and he had seen her set the ship on fire. Tetra seemed to remember too.

"Oh, no, my ship! My crew!" she cried, a look of panic crossing her face.

"Oh, crap, Aryll..." Link muttered, staring off into space.

Link and Tetra heard a bark behind them. Turning around, Link saw with dread that they were not the only survivors. Gaylord bounded up to them and crawled onto Link's lap. Link looked distastefully at the animal, but didn't shove him away.

Looking back at Tetra, Link was surprised to see her on the verge of tears.

"My ship is my whole life..." she choked.

"Was," Link added.

The tears began spilling.

"That was my home! Where am I gonna go now! I'm going to die here, aren't I? I spent my whole life on a pirate ship and now all that I stand for is gone! GONE, GONE, GONE!" Tetra began sobbing.

Link stared at her wide-eyed. He had never seen her like this. It was kind of scary; Tetra had always seemed so stable...

Well, Link thought, now that Tetra's lost it, the world is coming to an end.

He picked up the mysterious sharp piece of wood that had strangely appeared again and prepared to stab himself in the neck, only to be stopped by Tetra when she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and continued wailing of her woes.

"OH, LINK, I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! I SHOULD HAVE BELIEVED YOU!"

"Keep talking..." Link said, a smile appearing on his face. Dropping the piece of wood, he realized that maybe life wasn't so bad after all.

"I SAW THE WARNING SIGNS, BUT I JUST KEPT THINKING OF THE SAKE OF PIRACY, NOT OUR LIVES, NOT MY CREW'S, NOT YOUR SISTER'S! I AM SO SELFISH! SELFISH AND STUPID!"

"Mmm?" Link's smile grew.

"YOU MUST HATE ME!"

Feeling triumphant, Link patted Tetra on the back.

"No, no, I don't hate you..."

Tetra squeezed Link tighter.

"OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET, I'M NOT WORTHY OF BEING YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

Those words scared Link. This strange mood she was in was now a cause for alarm.

Pulling away and grasping Tetra by the shoulders, a wide-eyed Link gasped, "YOU'RE PREGNANT, AREN'T YOU!"

Tetra blinked.

"What? No!" she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Ok then."

Tetra resumed her neck squeezing.

"Oh, Link, what are we gonna do? My crew and your sister are probably dead, and it's all my fault!"

Link resisted the temptation to say, 'Yeah, it IS your fault, isn't it?' He kept his mouth shut instead.

Gaylord left Link's lap and sat on the sand next to Link and Tetra. He stared...stared at THEM...

"I just want to die!" Tetra sobbed, shuddering.

Link picked up the mysterious piece of wood.

"Well, if you really feel that way, then-"

Suddenly, the wind sent an envelope flying at the side of Link's head! It made impact, and Link yelped.

Tetra looked down at it. Sniffling, she whimpered, "What's that?"

Link pried Tetra off his neck and picked it up.

It was an elaborate envelope. Cream in color and shut with...

"Oh, shit..." Link gasped, touching the eye sticker that held the flap of the envelope shut. The matching symbol on his neck tingled uncomfortably.

Tetra stared in shock. She took the envelope from Link and gawked at it.

"Dammit, this is the third time I've seen this mark! On my neck, now here, and on Bambi's hand... Wait, do you know that it's on Bambi, too?" Link asked.

Tetra looked at him.

"It is?"

"Yeah. I asked her what it meant, but she just said that it was the trademark symbol of the greatest man alive, or something like that..."

"'Greatest man alive'?" Tetra asked, puzzeled.

Link nodded.

Tetra furrowed her brow and looked back at the envelope.

"Link, do you think she's working for someone?"

"Who would she be working for?" Link asked, doubting Tetra's idea.

"Ganondorf?" Tetra suggested.

"No, Ganondorf's dead and doesen't use an eye as his symbol... Anyway, I think Bambi works alone. She seems too powerful to be someone's puppet, and she acts like this entire thing was her plan alone."

Tetra said nothing. She just stared at the envelope, and after a moment, Link did the same. The staring went on during a long, thought-filled silence before someone spoke once more.

"Well, uh...should we, you know...open it?" Tetra asked timidly.

"I guess..." Link said nervously.

Tetra opened the envelope, only to find a blank piece of paper.

"What the? It's blank?" Link said.

Suddenly, words began to form on the paper...

_Now it's not..._

Link and Tetra gasped, and more words appeared and replaced the others.

_Oh, scary. Magical paper. Boooooo..._

"Who's behind this!" Tetra said with a glare that made her look like she thought this was some sick joke.

_Who do you think, miss pirate?_

"Bambi?" Link uttered.

_Ding ding, correct._

"YOU BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU WHEN I GET A HOLD OF YOU! YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME FOR SO LONG, SNEAKING AROUND, BETRAYING..." Tetra yelled.

_Have you not realized that you are oblivious to my whereabouts?_

"We know you're in Hyrule!" Link hissed.

_Yes, but where? And with whom?_

"What do you mean by, 'with whom'?" Tetra asked.

_Oh, I should've known that you wouldn't know this... Well, I have darling little Aryll down here with me._

"WHAT!" Link screamed. "YOU HAVE MY SISTER! WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH HER!"

_Like I'd tell you. Huh._

"TELL ME NOW, BAMBI!" he shouted.

_I don't think so, heh heh..._

"What do you want with us now?" Tetra demanded.

_What gave you the impression that I needed you for something?_

"Then why are you talking to us?" Tetra asked.

_Can't I just say 'hello'?_

Tetra stared at the words with fury and said, "I'm not buying it, Bambi..."

_Well, if you have to be so pushy about finding out, I contacted you to tell you of my plans._

"I already KNOW your plans, you don't need to repeat them!" Link snapped.

_Yes, but do you know what will become of the world once I carry out these plans?_

"You told me that, too."

_Do you know what would happen to you, Tetra, and your sister?_

Link and Tetra grew silent.

_It wouldn't be pretty, would it? Or should I say, it WON'T, heh heh..._

"It sounds like you're TRYING to get us to come after you..." Tetra said suspiciously.

_Not nessecarily._

"Cut the crap..." Tetra growled. "Why else would you be doing this?"

_Did it ever occur to you that I might want to kill you personally? And that to do that you just may need to come after me?_

"Something's telling me that that's not the only reason why you want us to come after you," Link said.

_Hmm. Maybe it isn't, but what choice do you have? Really...think about it._

Damn, she's right... Link thought.

_Well, I'm off to see about some sages. This letter will now self destruction in 5...4...3..._

Link and Tetra screamed and scrambled backwards. Gaylord backed up, too.

_2...1..._

Link and Tetra clutched eachother and shut their eyes, awaiting the explosion. It never came. Opening an eye, Link saw the letter laying in the sand, unexploded. He approached it and peeked at it cautiously. More words appeared...

_HA HA HA HA HA... You SO fell for it!_

"BITCH!" Link yelled, grabbing the letter.

Suddenly, the paper burst into huge flames, and among the blaze was the faded image of Bambi, her eyes red and gleaming. Her maniacal laughter filled the air like thunder and lingered even after the flame and her image disappeared. The letter was no more than a pile of ashes in Link's hands, and was quickly blown away by the wind.

Link stared into space with shock. Tetra imitated his state, and Gaylord shook.

Finally, Link stood up, his face serious.

"Ok, NOBODY makes me freak out like a chick but ME! Bambi is going DOWN! DOWN, I SAY!"

"What?" said Tetra.

"IT'S TIME TO KICK ASS!"

"Link, we don't even have a way off this island..."

Link sat down again.

"Oh. I forgot."

"Well, what do we do now? We need to think of a plan..." Tetra said.

"Yeah, but wanna have sex on the beach first?"

"Ok."


	16. Prince Komali

_**Prince Komali**_

"OH, LINK...FUCK ME...HARDER! COME ON, BITCH, IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? OOH, DON'T GO THERE, DON'T GO THERE, OH, GO THERE, GO THERE! COME ON!" Tetra screamed.

"Oh, you got it, babe..." Link growled sexily.

"WOO HOO! GO! GO! GO! GO!" a cheer sounded.

Link and Tetra froze. Looking next to their left slowly, Link nearly fainted at the sight that met his eyes. Standing at the edge of the forest, Gaylord at his feet, stood Prince Komali, watching them and cheering them on...

Tetra saw too, and quickly got off of Link. Covering her "areas", Tetra she stared at Komali in shock and screamed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

"I was wondering the same thing about you guys!" Komali replied enthusiastically.

"How long were you watching us?" Link demanded.

"Oh, I think about half an hour... You see, I was just kinda wandering around when I came across this dog here." Komali nodded to Gaylord. "I followed it, and it lead me here! Heh heh..."

Link glared at the poodle who gave him that creepy stare in reply.

"Shouldn't you be with Medli or something?" Link snapped.

Komali frowned and looked down.

"We broke up..."

"Why?" Tetra asked.

"Things were getting too serious between her and Link's grandma... They...got engaged..."

"WHAT?" Link screeched. "MY GRANDMOTHER IS MARRYING MEDLI?"

Komali nodded sadly.

"So all those times she said she was going to go smoke pot with Sturgeon, she was really dating Medli..." Link muttered to himself. "Oh, man...this means Medli's gonna be my...my...OH, MAN!" Link started throwing up. Tetra and Komali watched with raised eyebrows. Gaylord stared.

Tetra turned back to Komali.

"What are you doing here? What is this place?" she asked.

"This island is uncharted. I come here often, though. I consider myself the owner," Komali said.

"Do you know how far it is from here to the Tower of the Gods?" Tetra questioned.

"Yeah, but the area surrounding this place is deadly if you're not going by air."

"Damn..." Tetra muttered.

"But, being the great person I am, it would be your honor for me to help you..." Komali told them.

"Really?" the pirate captain said.

Komali nodded.

"There's just one condition..."

"Eh...what's that?" Tetra asked nervously.

"Let me join you in whatever it is you plan to do."

"Nuh-uh, NO WAY! WE ARE NOT BRINGING THAT...THAT _PERV_ WITH US, TETRA!" Link argued.

Tetra looked at Link.

"Do we have a choice, Link? Think about it..." she said.

Link thought for a moment. Then he picked up the mysterious sharp piece of wood and prepared to stab himself. Tetra grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"NO, SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION, DAMMIT!"

"OH, COME ON, YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING I WANT!" Link whined.

"LINK, GET A GRIP! WE HAVE A MISSION, AND WE NEED SOMEONE TO GET US OFF THIS ISLAND!"

Link sighed and dropped the wood.

"Good boy...now think sensibly. Komali can help us... And who knows? He may come in handy later, right?" Tetra said.

Link looked grudingly at Komali, who made the puppy face.

"Ugh...fine. It's not like I have a say in this anyway," he muttered.

Komali grinned.

"Consider me your new ally! Now I'll show you how I plan to get us off this island, heh..."

Link and Tetra exchanged looks...


	17. A Quest Begins

_**MY FOUR SWORDS PLUS STORY GUEST STARS BAMBI IN CHAPTER 3! JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW! YES, I KNOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPS! ANYWAY, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! REVIEW 'TILL YOUR SPLEEN FALLS OUT!**_

* * *

_**A Quest Begins**_

Link and Tetra waited on the beach for Komali to return with someone to help them. At last, the prince and Quill landed before them.

"In case you haven't guessed what we're going to do...well, we're gonna fly you to the Tower of the Gods," Komali stated.

Link looked wary. He really didn't trust the 2 Ritos, but before he knew it, he was dangling from Quill's feet, looking down at the ocean. Tetra was hanging from Komali, Gaylord tucked under one arm. Link couldn't understand WHY the hell she wanted to bring him.

She's getting too damn soft... Link thought, shaking his head.

After 2 hours of this rather exhausting act, Quill and Komali came to hover near the Tower of the Gods.

Link noticed that the ring of light that allowed entry to Hyrule was back again. He felt slightly apprehensive of returning.

"Here we are," said Quill, dropping Link into the water. Komali and Tetra went down next to him, and Quill flew away.

"Do we...just go into that ring?" Komali asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know!" Link snapped.

Tetra rolled her eyes and swam into the circle with Gaylord. Both dog and girl disappeared instantly. Komali followed suit, and at last, a reluctant Link.

The 4 sank back to Hyrule... After only a few seconds, they were there.

This time, though, they had not landed near Hyrule Castle. Instead, they were in a field...

"Um...ok, something's wrong here. Where ARE we?" said Link.

"Um..." Tetra blinked and looked around, confused. Then she spotted a castle up ahead. "Oh! Guys! Look! The castle! At least SOMETHING'S familiar..."

Komali was looking in a book that he had got out of nowhere. Link turned to stare at him.

"Where the hell'd you get that book? And what is it?" he asked.

Komali didn't look up at Link as he replied, "This is a book about Hyrule. The author gave it to me so I would automatically know the locations to everything and she wouldn't have to write about us being lost and confused. Well, anyway, according to this map of Hyrule, we are in Hyrule Field."

"Where do we go now?" Tetra asked.

As if answering her question, a piece of paper flew into her face. Tetra set Gaylord down, snatched the paper, and looked at it. "It's a poem..."

Tetra read aloud:

_"In the woods rests who you seek_

_Out from the trees the Deku Scrubs peek_

_All young children are now at rest_

_Go with the girl to take the test_

_Your's Truly,_

_Bambi"_

Link burst out laughing.

"THAT WAS LIKE, THE DUMBEST POEM EVER!" he cawed.

"Link, shut up! It's not her talent she's trying to make us see, it's the message behind the poem! These words mean something," Tetra said thoughtfully.

"Tch, yah! Nothin' but STUPID!" Link snorted.

Komali continued to look at his book.

"Tetra's right, Link. I think I may know what she's talking about. "In the woods rests who you seek"... Well, in Hyrule, there is Kokiri Forest and leading off of that is the Lost Woods... Deku Scrubs were a type of creature serving Ganon in the days of the Hero of Time, and the part about young children... Hmm... Well, there was a race of people called Kokiri, people who stayed children forever. That last part baffles me, though..." he said.

"Well, maybe if we head to the Kokiri Forest, we can find out more. I mean, what else can we do?" said Tetra with a shrug. She turned to Komali and asked, "Now where is the forest?"

Komali pointed to a wooden tunnel to the east.

"Should be through there. I think we should be safe, seeing as we're kids an' all, but still...we may never come out."

"Huh? What does AGE got to do with this?" Link asked.

"When an adult Hylian entered the forest, they would die and turn into plants. Children went unaffected, but you never know what might happen. Things might change," Komali replied.

"Well, we can't just stand around," Tetra said, pocketing the poem. "Let's get moving, dammit!"

The trio, accompanied by Gaylord the poodle, made their way to Kokiri Forest, and at last, they entered the deserted village. Despite the fact that there was no breeze, another piece of paper flew through the air and landed in Komali's face this time. He looked at it.

"No poem this time...just a note. I think you know who it's from. Well, anyway, it says:

_Jeez, you guys are such dumbfucks. Do I have to spell everything out for you? That poem wasn't THAT hard to understand. It took you a long time to figure it out; too long, actually... Well, why am I writing to you, you ask? You didn't ask, but I'm guessing you were thinking it, heh heh. I just wanted to tell you that you're looking for a girl named Saria, who happens to be the sage of the forest. Like Daphness Nohansen Hyrule, she was kept alive, along with the other sages that live down here. Little known fact, I suppose. You need to find her. I would suggest searching the Lost Woods. Just don't get lost, hehehehehe... I'll meet up with you once you have all the sages' powers and yaddah yaddah. Then I will kill you, and it will be MINE! Oh, that came out wrong, deepest apologies. I mean I'll see you sooner. MUCH sooner. So much sooner that you'd be like, blown away. Really soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Bambi"_

"She has a knack for giving away all the answers," Link commented. When no one said anything, he looked around, and spotted Tetra, Komali, and Gaylord already headed for the Lost Woods. He reluctantly followed.

* * *

After they had entered the woods, Bambi in shadow creature form stepped out of the shadows.

Smirking, she said to herself, "I'll see to it that they make it to Saria and the Forest Temple. Then I can pick them off one by one... And Tetra just so happens to be the first to go, hehehe!"


	18. Saria

_**I'm sorry this chapter sucks so bad, but you know, it's one of those plotline important parts... More funny stuff will happen, 'cause it's been kinda serious lately. The next 2 to 4 chapters or more should have some interesting twists, so that'll be pretty cool, hopefully.**_

**_REVIEW!_**

* * *

_**Saria**_

"Ok, I think we go left," said Link.

"No, we went left last time, let's go RIGHT!" Tetra argued.

Link, Tetra, Komali, and Gaylord were apparently lost in the Lost Woods.

"Komali, if you're so smart, which way do we go?" Link snapped, glaring at Komali.

Komali looked around, his book tucked under his right arm.

"Hey, I'm not smart, ok? I may have a book, but that doesen't mean I have brain cells!" he replied.

"WELL, LOOK IN THE STUPID BOOK THEN!" Tetra snarled.

"I TRIED, AND I DIDN'T FIND OUT ANYTHING!" Komali yelled.

Gaylord yipped and walked forward with confidence. Link, Tetra, and Komali stared at the pink poodle.

"Maybe the dog knows where he's going," Tetra said.

Link snorted and replied, "It's a DOG, Tetra! It's DUMB!"

"HE IS NOT _DUMB_! DUMB MEANS LIKE, DEAF OR MUTE OR SOMETHING!" Tetra said.

"SO?"

"Guys, come on, let's just follow the dog..." Komali said wearily, walking after the animal. Link and Tetra followed.

Little did they know that Bambi was supervising them from the shadows...

After following Gaylord through the woods, then some type of maze made of bushes, the gang finally reached a clearing.

A tall tree sat at the far end of the large clearing, and that tree seemed to be leading to some sort of temple-like building, but that's not what caught their eye. A couple yards in front of them sat a girl with short green hair and green clothes, playing the ocarina with her eyes closed.

"Um...h-hello?" Tetra called.

The girl stopped playing the ocarina and opened her eyes to look at Link, Tetra, Komali, and Gaylord. She looked surprised to see other people.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Tetra. This is Link, Komali, and Gaylord," Tetra replied.

"Why are you here?" the girl asked warily.

"We're looking for a sage named Saria," Komali said. "Do you know her?"

The girl blinked and replied, "I AM Saria..."

"Oh, good, then give us your powers or whatever so we can kick Bambi's ass and get the hell out of here," Link said.

"Give you my powers? What?" Saria replied, shocked.

With a sigh, Tetra explained everything to the forest sage.

"Woah...that's extreme..." Saria said after the story was finished.

"Yeah, so give us your powers!" Link said irritably.

"Well, it's not that simple! I can't just give you my powers. I think by powers, this Bambi person means the medallions," Saria replied.

"Give us the damn medallion then!" Link growled.

"I don't have it with me. It's in the Forest Temple, being guarded by a horrible monster. You see, monsters have been stealing the sages' medallions and keeping them in the elemental temples. We have to go through the temple, slay the monster, and get the medallion!"

"Wait...did you say 'we'?" Komali asked.

Saria giggled and nodded.

"Yeah, 'cause I'm coming with you guys!"

Link was about to say something, but Tetra covered his mouth.

"Where is the temple?" she asked.

Saria pointed to the building up near the top of the tree.

"Well, Komali can fly us up there..." Tetra said.

"Doesen't somebody need a weapon?" Saria asked.

"I have a dagger," Tetra replied, "And Link has the--oh, shit... Link! You don't have the Master Sword!"

"Oh, gee, I didn't know that!" Link said, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

"The Master Sword? Oh...you killed Ganondorf with it... I saw the whole thing with my freaky-cool physcic powers. You can't get it right now, but once you have all the medallions, you should be able to retrieve it. I'm guessing you'll need it to defeat Bambi, for her powers are dark yet great," Saria said.

"Whatever, and in the meantime, Link, you can have this stick," Komali said, picking up a nice sturdy stick and handing it to a very unamused Link.

"You're kidding me, right?" Link replied.

Komali shook his head.

"You just have to deal with it. Now, Komali, fly us up to the temple. We have a monster to slay, a medallion to get, and a sword to retrieve!" Saria said, pinching Link and Komali on the butt...

That's when the gang knew that Saria was most likely not as they had originally assumed. But there wasn't the time to concern themselves with that, for there was an enemy at large...and she had her eye on them at that very moment.


	19. Forest Separation

_**REVIEW! AND I UPDATED MY BIO! READ IT! PLEASE!**_

* * *

**__**

__

_**Forest Separation**_

With a grunt, Tetra killed off another Moblin.

"Dammit, Link, why don't you at least have something besides a stick? What about all your weapons?" she hissed.

"You confiscated them, remember?" Link reminded her.

"Oh..."

"Yep."

Said Komali, "Shouldn't we have found some keys or something? We're, like...getting nowhere, and -- Saria, get your hands off my crotch."

"Sorry..." Saria replied, pulling her hands out of Komali's pants.

"Oh, what the hell, put them back in," Komali said with a shrug. Saria obeyed again.

"Oh, get a room..." Tetra muttered, rolling her eyes and walking onward. The others followed.

Watching Komali and Saria, Link realized with embarassment that his own sex life was a little dull. Oh well, he'd just blame it on Tetra...

"It's all your fault, Tetra," Link said randomly, pointing at his girlfriend.

Tetra looked confused.

"Link, WHAT THE HELL are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about our sex life!"

"There's nothing wrong with our sex life, Link!"

"YES, THERE IS! THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE REALLY DON'T _HAVE _A SEX LIFE!" Link yelled.

"LINK, YOU FUCK, DON'T YELL!" Tetra screamed.

Gaylord started howling.

"Oh, Komali, OH!"

Looking over, Link and Tetra saw Komali banging Saria against a tree.

"YOU SICK, PERVERTED FUCKS!" Link scolded them.

"Shut up! You're just sour 'cause you need to release, asshole!" Komali snapped.

"HEY! NO ONE INSULTS LINK BUT ME!" Tetra growled.

Gaylord howled louder.

"YOU HAVEN'T THE RIGHT TO INSULT ME!" Link shot back.

"I DO, AND I WILL!"

"STOP IT, STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR CONSTANT FIGHTING IS TEARING US APART?" Saria screeched dramatically.

Link, Tetra, and Komali stopped and stared at her.

"Well, I, uh...always wanted to say that," Saria muttered, blushing fiercely.

"Yeah, well, I expected something that DUMB from a green-haired FREAK!" Link said.

Saria's bottom lip quivered. She started crying.

"Gawd, Link, you didn't need to make her cry!" said Komali.

"Oh, suck it up!" Link snarled, throwing a rock at Saria.

"Ow!" Saria cried.

"LINK! STOP IT! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE THREE!" Tetra yelled.

"I AM NOT, I AM NOT, I AM NOT!" Link wailed, throwing himself on the ground and banging his fists on the grass.

"Look, guys, we're not gonna get anywhere if we don't cooperate!" Tetra said.

"SHUT UP!" Komali snapped.

"Komali, that wasn't nessecary!" Saria sniffled.

"SHUT UP!" Komali barked at her.

"NO, _YOU _SHUT UP!" Saria shot back.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Tetra bellowed.

The volume of Gaylord's howling increased.

"_YOU _SHUT UP!" Saria and Komali said in unison at Tetra.

The arguing intensified, until it was interrupted when hundreds of huge, thorny vines sprang up from the ground, separating them.

"What's going on?" Tetra shrieked, but her cry was drowned by the loud sound of the dangerous plant life bursting from the dirt.

"Guys?" Link called.

Gaylord barked, and Komali and Saria shouted for help with no avail.

The plants bore down and attacked the 5, and it wasn't long before everyone lost conciousness...

* * *

Komali awoke, and looked to his side to see Saria waking up too. Looking around some more, the two found that they were alone together.

"What...happened?" Komali asked, still in shock.

Saria looked pretty shaken up herself as she said, "I...I don't know..."

They stood up and observed their surroundings.

"Where are we?" Komali gasped.

They were in a calm clearing. A ray of sunlight shone down from a hole in the temple ceiling onto an elaborate looking treasure chest.

"Should we open it?" Saria asked.

"Tch! Hell yah!" Komali said, running forward to it.

"Komali, don't be so reckless! What if it's a trap?" Saria said.

"Sorry, not listening, not caring!" said Komali, opening the chest.

Saria closed her eyes and waited for something bad to happen, but nothing did. She opened her eyes and saw Komali looking at whatever was in the chest. She approached cautiously and looked in too.

"What's that thing?" Komali asked, pointing to what appeared to be a key as elaborate as its container.

Saria squeeled with joy and pulled out the key.

"Komali, this is the Big Key!"

"Er...the what?"

"The Big Key! It opens the door to the boss room!"

"The boss room?"

"Yeah! The boss is a really big, blood thirsty monster that eats people and guards the medallion! If we defeat it, we get the medallion!"

"Oh."

There was a moment of silence.

Said Komali, "Wait, it eats people?"

Saria ignored him. She just said, "We have to find Link, Tetra, and that dog!"

"Aw...do we have to?"

Saria frowned and looked at Komali.

"It's the right thing to do, Komali. They could be in big trouble! I mean, they could be beaten! Or maimed! OR WORSE...they could be DEAD!"

Komali smiled a little at the thought.

"Komali!" whined Saria frustratedly.

"What?"

Saria shoved her hands down his pants and fingered his dick. Making a puppy face, she begged, "Please...let's find them... Will you do it for me, baby?"

Komali smirked.

"Hmm, well, I still don't know..." Being the pervert that he his, he added, "I think I need some more convincing."

Setting the key down, Saria and Komali began to fuck again.

* * *

Link's slow return to conciousness started with a strange yet pleasant feeling in his crotch.

Eyes still closed, he mumured sleepily, "Komali, I told you, no..."

Upon opening his eyes, Link screamed at the realization that Gaylord was wildly licking and nibbling his crotch. He quickly shooed him away.

"Ugh! Bad dog! BAD DOG!"

Gaylord sat back and gave Link his creepy stare.

"Guys, what the -- uuuhhh...guys?"

Looking around, Link saw that he and the poodle were alone. Link stood up and started looking for the others.

"Tetra? Komali? Saria?"

He realized that he was alone after having a fight with Tetra. Now he feared he may never see her again.

Plopping down, he sighed sadly and felt guilty about being such an asshole to her. But then he remembered that it was all her fault, so he felt better.

Looking around, Link saw himself in a dark room in the temple.

A female voice whispered, "What shall we do with him, sisters?"

Said another feminine voice, "Hmm...I don't know, but he most certainly is not welcome here."

"Most certainly not," agreed another girl voice.

Yet another female hissed, "We should kill him."

Standing up, clutching his stick, Link barked, "Who's there?"

Haunting laughter filled the room...

"Sh...show yourselves!" Link demanded with a lack of confidence.

The voices said in unision, "Well...if you insist!"

"Shit..." Link mumbled.

* * *

Tetra awoke and immediately jumped to her feet. She was about to say something to her companions, but her breath caught in her throat when she realized that they weren't around.

Looking at her surroundings, she saw with fear that the part of the woods she was in was dark, scary, and forboding. Eyes peeked out of her from the really dark parts on occasion.

Tetra wondered if she should call for her companions, but was afraid to risk attracting the attention of something else. She went with the first option.

"Guys? Komali, Saria... Link? Are you here?"

No answer.

A mysterious breeze picked up; a strange breeze. It seemed to carry some invisible force that left Tetra with almost no control as she found herself walking in the direction it was blowing.

After walking for a little while, Tetra found herself in a large and spooky clearing. Ahead of her, she spotted a huge tree.

But it wasn't the tree that caught her eye. It was the thing on the tree. The thing of shadows, wearing a dress. It had longe, curly hair and bright red eyes. Tetra's heart went into her throat, for she knew who this was.

"Bambi..." she choked out.


	20. The Shadow's Song

_**The song in this is "Whisper" by Evanesence. Just thought I'd let you know.**_

* * *

__

_**The Shadow's Song**_

Tetra tried to get away, but it was useless. She was stuck by what was most likely the same force that had lead her to this sick little clearing.

On sight, Bambi did not appear to be focusing on Tetra, but the air around the shadow claimed different. It was obvious that despite the fact that Bambi didn't have her eyes on Tetra, the pirate occupied her full attention. Bambi was laying on her back on that tall branch, staring up at the ceiling. One red eye shifted slightly to finally look at Tetra. It was a subtle move, but Tetra was able to notice it all the same.

Much to the pirate's surprise, the wretched thing began to sing...

_"Catch me as I fall... Say you're here and it's all over now..." _Bambi's head flopped all the way over onto its side so as to be able to look at Tetra with both eyes.

Tetra thought, _Ok...why is she singing? And dammit, I still can't move! Oh, Link...if only you were here..._

Continuing, _"Speaking to the atmosphere; no one's here and I fall into myself..."_ Bambi rolled over onto her stomach, rested her chin on the backs of her hands, and smiled at Tetra, red eyes shining...seductively!

_"This truth drives me into madness. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away... If I will it all away..." _Bambi sat up, crossed her arms, lifted her chin slightly, and sang on, _"Don't turn away... Don't try to hide... Don't close your eyes... Don't turn out the light..."_

Tetra tried to take a step back as the shadow lept from her perch and floated to the ground. Tetra tried once more as Bambi began to approach her, _still _singing that song.

_"I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come..." _

Tetra tried to cry out at Bambi wrapped one arm around her hip and smirked.

_BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH! _Tetra's mind screamed, _BAD, LESBIAN TOUCH! _

_"Immobilized by my fear, and soon to be blinded by tears..."_

Bambi began to circle Tetra, guided by her arm that still remained about the pirate's hip.

At first, Tetra was baffled as to why Bambi was hitting on her and singing, but then she realized that it was some freaky-hypno trick, for she noticed that the longer this went on, the less control over herself she had.

Bambi played with Tetra's hair a little and continued, _"I can stop the pain if I will it all away... If I will it all away... "Don't turn away... Don't try to hide... Don't close your eyes... Don't turn out the light..."_

Tetra wanted to scream as Bambi laced fingers with her and touched noses with her. Red eyes looked lustful at a glance, but it was obvious that that was fake. Lust was only masking a taunting, mocking look. Tetra figured that Bambi probably thought the look on Tetra's face was quite amusing.

_"Fallen angels at my feet, whispered voices at my ear; death before my eyes, lying next to me I fear... She beckons me shall I give in? Upon my end shall I begin? Forsaking all I've fallen for, I rise to meet the end..."_

The hypnotic powers strengthened as the song advanced, and now Tetra found it hard to think clearly. Her thoughts were ebbing away as the lyrics flowed on.

_"Don't turn away... Don't try to hide... Don't close your eyes... Don't turn out the light..."_

Tetra found herself losing even more control, and along with it, conciousness. Bambi noticed this, and smirked even more.

_"Don't turn away... Don't try to hide... Don't close your eyes... Don't turn out the light..."_

Tetra manged to utter out, "S...stop..."

_"Don't turn away... Don't try to hide... Don't close your eyes... Don't turn out the light..."_

Too late. The song was done, and Tetra blacked out, having lost complete control over herself. She collapsed in Bambi's arms.

Bambi chuckled and turned back into her natural, human form.

"Silly, silly Tetra... Fool. Now that you are under my control, I shall have you kill Link. Unless, of course, something else in this dungeon doesen't do him in first." Bambi disappeared with her prize.

* * *

4 ghost creatures (Poes) appeared in front of Link. They were different from the Poes Link had encountered before. They were feminine, and twice as menacing looking.

"W...who the hell are you?" Link squeaked.

"I'm Beth," said the blue poe.

Said the red, "Joelle."

"I'm Amy," introduced the green.

"And I'm Meg," the purple one said.

"And we are your worst nightmare!" the Poe Sisters exclaimed in unison.

Gaylord growled and stood in front of Link.

"What are you going to do? Kill me? Kill me _dead_?" Link asked with a smirk to hide his fear of them.

Said Joelle, "Foolish boy child, don't fake confidence. We can smell your fear."

"Yes, smell your fear," the other 3 hissed.

"FEH! I'm not scared! I am like, waaay too macho to be...um...scared..."

"Liar," accused Meg.

"Liar," the other sisters repeated.

"We're gonna kill you," growled Beth.

"Yes, kill you," the others mimicked.

Link was getting slightly annoyed by the repeating crap. Drawing his stick warily, he said, "Then...um...come. I'm armed with a stick...ya know..."

The Poe Sisters laughed and pulled out rifles.

"Shit..." Link cursed under his breath.

"And now, you must die!" exclaimed Amy.

"Yes, die!" the others said.

"Wait! Please, don't kill me! PLEASE!" Link screamed, dropping the stick and begging on his knees. Gaylord looked away in shame.

The sisters exchanged looks before turning to gaze back at Link.

"And why shouldn't we?" asked Beth.

"Yes, why shouldn't we?" the other 3 echoed. Link twitched slightly.

"Umm... If you don't kill me, I'll sleep with you..." he said.

There was a moment of silence.

"Ok," said the sisters in unision. Then they all began fucking eachother. Even Gaylord helped.

A few hours later, the Poe Sisters and Link lay under a blanket, drinking martinis.

"Whew! You guys ain't half bad!" Link panted.

"You're not so bad yourself," Joelle complimented.

"Yes, you are not so bad yourself," the other 3 copied.

Link realized something. "Oh, damn, Tetra's gonna kill me if she finds out... Ah, well. Anyway, I DO wonder where the others are..."

"We can take you to them," Meg offered.

"Yes, take you to them," the other 3 Poe Sisters echoed.

"Well, I really don't want to, but I kind of have to. Got a bitch to kill, you know," Link told them, picking up Gaylord.

"Very well," said Amy. "It was nice sleeping with you. Good luck on your quest."

"Yes, good luck on your quest," came the echo before Link and Gaylord were teleported away.

* * *

Komali and Saria picked their way through the forest.

"Dammit, Saria, you got us lost! You, like, own this place! Should you AT LEAST know your way around it?" Komali asked irritably.

"Well, SOR-RY! This place got all fucked up and changed because of that Bambi person. Danger is around every corner!" Saria sighed exasperatedly.

Link and Gaylord suddenly appeared before them.

"Link! Gaylord!" Komali exclaimed.

"Link!" Saria cried happily.

Gaylord yipped.

"Where were you?" Saria asked.

"Just sleeping with some ghost chicks."

"Yeah, that's always fun," Komali said with a nod.

Link looked around.

"Where's Tetra?" he asked.

"We haven't seen her..." Saria frowned.

"Oh, and how hard have you looked?" a voice asked slyly. Spinning around, Link, Komali, and Saria saw none other than the infamous Bambi leaning against a tree, looking at them with a smirk.

Link drew his stick and pointed it at her.

"What did you do with Tetra?"

"What _haven't _I done with Tetra?"

Link was appalled, angered, and shocked.

"YOU SICK FUCK!" he screeched.

Despite the fact that he had no idea who the girl leaning against the tree was, Komali asked boldly (and eagerly), "Did you get it on tape?"

Bambi ignored Komali and said, "After that incident with the Poe Sisters, I'm sure Tetra wouldn't even want to look at you."

"You're keeping her hostage, aren't you?" Link snarled.

"Me! No, of course not! Do I strike you as the type of person to do such a horrible deed!" Bambi gasped innocently.

"Yes..." Saria mumbled. Gaylord growled at Bambi ferociously.

Bambi's eyes, permanently red after she had left the pirate ship for some reason, flashed menacingly for a brief moment.

"Well, to show you just how wonderful I am, I'll do this..." said she, pushing aside some nearby foliage to reveal the boss room.

"It's the boss room!" Saria gasped.

Bambi nodded. "Yep."

Saria, Komali, Gaylord, and Link went to inspect the door. Suddenly, it flew open, and Bambi shoved them all inside and shut the door behind them.

"Have fun with my giant people-eating monster!" she sneered.


	21. Schlange

_**Someone who reviewed the previous chapter gave me the impression that they thought chapter 20 was the last chapter of the story. Dunno why this person thought that, 'cause HF still has over 20 more chapters to go! Over 30, I think. It's not quite half way done yet, you know. At least I don't think so... Anyway, please review.**_

**_By the way, "Schlange" means "snake" in German. That's why I named Schlange Schlange, you see._**

* * *

_**Schlange**_

"BITCH!" Link screamed, pounding at the door. "BIIIIIITCH!"

"Link, quiet down! You might attract the attention of whatever's in here!" Saria hissed.

"BIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" Link screeched, pounding harder. "LET ME OOOUUUT!"

"Link, stop it!" Komali snapped.

"BITCH!" Link yelled once more, punching Komali in the face.

Komali yelped and clutched his face.

"OW, LINK, YOU SHIT! YOU BEAT ME IN THE FACE, MAN; THAT'S NOT COOL!"

Gaylord started barking as Link and Komali began to argue.

"Umm...guys?" Saria uttered in a quavering tone. She was ignored.

"GUYS!" she repeated.

"WHAT!" Link and Komali growled, turning to face her.

"T-that..." Saria squeaked, pointing to something huge, like a billion feet long and really super thick squirming out of the ground.

When it had finished popping up from the earth, Link, Komali, Saria, and Gaylord faced a couple hundred foot long shiny, black snake with red eyes. Bat wings sprouted from its back.

"Oh, gawd, it eats people, doesen't it?" Komali whispered.

The giant creature, known as Schlange the big ass evil snake, looked at the 4 and hissed, revealing huge, white fangs.

"Um...does anyone have a weapon?" Saria asked nervously.

But no one did, you see.

Link frantically began clawing at the door.

"LET US OUT OF HERE, BAMBI! LET US OUT NOW!" he cried.

* * *

Tetra opened her eyes. 

"W...what the... What happened...?" she mumbled, mostly to herself.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't remember..." a familiar voice stated.

Looking to her left, Tetra spotted Bambi leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at her seriously, for once.

Tetra immediately jumped out of the bed she had been laying on and drew her dagger, pointing it at Bambi's heart.

"You!" the pirate hissed, "Where am I? What did you do to me?"

"You really wanna know?" Bambi asked, a smirk playing on her lips as she lifted a brow.

"Y...Yes!" Tetra stuttered, trying to sound brave and confident.

"You really, REALLY wanna know?"

"Yeah!"

"You really, really, REALLY wanna know?"

"YES, DAMMIT!"

"Well, ok, I'll show you." Bambi snapped her fingers and everything went black for Tetra. When she regained control, Tetra was shocked to find herself naked.

"AH!" she yelped, covering herself.

Bambi chuckled.

"What did you just do?" Tetra demanded.

"Made you naked," Bambi answered simply.

"Well, I know that, but HOW?" Tetra groaned exasperatedly as she pulled her clothes back on quickly.

"Well, remember the singing thing and mollesting you thing I did?" Bambi asked.

Tetra nodded, glaring and shuddering at the memory.

"Well, it was all part of a ritual I used to gain control over you. I'm gonna make you kill Link. Well, if he survives long enough for you to kill him." Bambi grinned.

"What? No! That's not fair!" Tetra argued.

"Oh! Oopsie. I'm sorry," Bambi giggled.

"Have you done anything with Link, Komali, and Saria?"

"What, do you mean in a sexual way, or in a beat-the-fuck-outta-them way?"

"Dumbass! Did you, like, kill them or anything, is what I'm saying!"

"Oh, no, not yet. I sent them all to be eaten by a giant snake, though," Bambi said.

"How could you?" Tetra cried.

"That's a dumb question," Bambi noted.

"Well, yeah, I guess it kind of is."

There was a moment of silence. Then Tetra suddenly remembered something.

"Wait, what about Aryll?"

Bambi blinked.

"Oh, yeah, that kid. I have her locked up somewhere. I forget though. Oops...that means she's missed several feeding times. Shit."

Tetra was appalled.

"You locked up a 5 year old girl like some kind of hamster and forgot to feed her?"

"And I chained her up."

"Bitch!" Tetra growled. But then she lost control again, and when she came to her senses, the pirate was naked once more.

Bambi stared at her coldly.

"I suggest that you do not defy or rebel, for _I _am your master now..."

* * *

"TO THE LEFT! TO THE LEFT!" Komali yelled. The gang shuffled to the left as Schlange tried to crunch them with its powerful jaws again. 

"THE RIGHT!" Komali commanded, and everyone went that way to avoid another potentially fatal blow.

"We can't do this for the rest of our lives, you know!" Saria whined.

"WE CAN, AND WE W -- AAAAAAAAAAH!" Komali's speech was cut off as a mighty tail slammed him into a tree.

"KOMALI, NOOOOOO!" Saria screamed. Link laughed and pointed, but had to jump out of the way as Schlange's head slammed down where he was.

Gaylord whimpered and stayed by Saria.

Link tried to get up, but was knocked down again as the earth beneath his feet shook from a tail hitting the ground. Before he knew it, a pair of big, narrow red eyes were inches from his person, staring hungrily... A snake tongue slipped in and out of its mouth.

"LINK, BE CAREFUL, IT'S GONNA EAT YOU!" Komali shouted the obvious from the tree.

Link burst into tears, screamed for mercy, and awaited to be eaten alive, but nothing happened. He heard an inhuman cry of pain, and opened his eyes to see Schlange writhing in agony.

Everyone gasped when they saw the cause. It was Gaylord, shooting laser beams out of his eyes and killing the snake!

"OH MY GAWD, THE DOG'S ARMED!" Saria gasped.

"No way, dude!" Komali bellowed.

Finally, Schlange exploded. The spot where he had been was now occupied by a single green medallion. Saria hesitantly walked over to it and picked it up.

Link was still in shock over what had just happened. His sister's freaky, pink poodle could shoot LASERS?

Komali fell from the tree with a thunk and walked over to Saria. Looking at Link, he said, "Link, I think you owe the animal more respect. I mean, it just saved your life."

Gaylord trotted over to Link and lept onto his lap.

Link sighed and admitted, "Ok, Ok...the dog isn't so bad..."

Holding the animal, Link walked over to Saria and Komali to get a glimpse of the medallion.

"So this is it?" Komali asked, staring at the treasure.

Saria nodded and handed the medallion to the Rito.

"Yes, this is the Forest Medallion... Keep it safe."

There was a moment of silence.

"What do we do now?" Link asked dumbly.

"You are now to go to the Fire Temple. You should meet a sage named Darunia, and he will bestow upon you the Fire Medallion. After, of course, you go through another trial..."

"Oh, great," Link grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Saria...you're not coming with us, are you?" Komali asked softly.

Saria looked sad and shook her head.

"I can't...I'm sorry." She kissed Komali gently. "I'll miss you, Komali." She scribbled down her number on a piece of paper and handed it to the prince.

"Bye, Saria..." Komali replied sadly.

Reminded of his own girlfriend, Link said, "Saria, what about Tetra?"

"When you leave this temple, she should be there," Saria answered.

A cyclone thing suddenly appeared a few feet away.

"Go now, and good luck with your quest," Saria told them.

Stepping into the cyclone, Komali said, "Bye, Saria! I'll never forget you! And...I LOVE YOU!"

"Oh, Komali, I love you too!" Saria replied, completely and utterly touched.

Link rolled his eyes again, and after having tucked Gaylord under his right arm, followed Komali into the cyclone. Both boys and dog were whisked away.

After they were gone, Saria said to herself, "Ah, Komali...I'll miss you so much..." Then she fired up the disco ball, and a bunch of hot guys came out of nowhere. The sage and the men began to fuck eachother senseless.

* * *

Link, Komali, and Gaylord landed outside of the temple. Link instantly threw up all over Komali's shoes. 

"Ew, Link, what the crap?" Komali growled, stepping out of the pile of sick.

"Well, that certainly brings back memories..." Link muttered, raising his eyebrows.

Komali and Link looked around for Tetra.

"Tetra?" Komali called.

"She's...not anywhere around..." Link said sadly.

Komali put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry...maybe she's already at the Fire Temple," he soothed.

"Komali, don't touch me."

The Rito took his hand off Link.

"Ok."

Standing up, Link sighed, "Well, maybe you're right... I ain't goin' back into the Forest Temple, so let's go on to the Fire Temple. Which would be...?"

"Don't worry, I got a map," Komali said, pulling out the book again and stuffing the Forest Medallion and Saria's number into his pocket.

Link, Komali and the dog walked for many many miles for a very long time until they reached Death Mountain. They then proceeded to climb it.

"The Fire Temple's this way," Komali said, leading Link and Gaylord into the abandoned city. But the moment they turned a corner, they were surprised to see Tetra standing before them.

"Tetra!" Link cried with relief.

Tetra said nothing. She just drew her dagger, glaring darkly at her boyfriend and the Rito prince.


	22. Darunia

_**Sorry about this chapter sucking, but...I'm so tired right now I feel like I'm dreaming.**_

* * *

****

__

_**Darunia**_

Link instantly grew wary the moment the dagger was drawn.

"T...Tetra?" he uttered meekly.

Tetra let out a snarl and lunged at both of them. The 2 boys screamed and leapt out of the way.

"TETRA, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Link demanded.

Tetra said nothing. She began to attack again, and Link and Komali were forced to dodge her once more. Link noticed something odd about her...it was the look in her eyes. Dark and empty...

Link and Komali backed away. Suddenly, an idea dawned on the Rito prince.

"Link...that Bambi person... She made hints of having done something to Tetra. Tetra might be under her control!"

Link drew his, um...stick, and prepared to defend.

"I..." he started in reply to Komali, but was cut off when Tetra lunged at him and broke the stick in half.

"Well, shit," Link said, backing away further. Gaylord yipped and barked furiously at the pirate.

Suddenly, Tetra came at Link once more and knocked him to the ground. Before he could get up, she put a foot on his chest and held him there, her dagger pointed at his forhead.

"This is good-bye, _hero_..." Tetra sneered.

"Link, noooooo!" Komali cried dramatically.

Suddenly, a blast of light hit Tetra square in the back. She let out a screech, tumbled forward, and turned to face the source of the attack. Link looked too, and nearly passed out, threw up, and had a heart attack all at the same time.

There stood Daphness Nohansen Hyrule, or better known as the King of Red Lions!

"Go on, scram!" he said, sending another. Tetra got hit, hissed, and fled.

Link was speechless. Finally, he threw up all over the ground.

"Hey, yo! Kingly Red Lion Man! 'Sup? I thought you were dead!" Komali said, slapping the old man high five.

"Nah, I totally faked Link and Zelda out and told them I was commiting suicide when I was ACTUALLY going to Disney World!" said the king. At this, Link regurgitated a second time.

Finally, the hero gasped, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE _DEAD_! _DEAD_, AS IN _NOT BREATHING OR LIVING_!"

Daphness blinked. He and Komali stared at Link.

Memories flooded back to our hero in green. Not good ones, either. The king was overly critical, bossy, controlling, and an overall bastard.

Link sighed, wondering how Tetra would feel about this if she were in her right mind at the present...

* * *

Tetra regained control and found herself facing her "master".

Bambi smirked.

"Not bad. Just don't let your guard down like that, ok? You let yourself get whooped by an old fart."

"What the hell are you talking about? What did you make me do now?" Tetra demanded.

"Oh, just got you to give Link a little scare..." Bambi chuckled airily, but then her expression darkened and she continued seriously, "But I did not expect to see the king of Hyrule. This complicates things..."

Tetra was shocked.

"Wha...who?"

Bambi looked a little angry.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Tetra. You know I don't like that."

Tetra just glared at her, and left her where she was so she could go off and think, not caring if that was worthy of punishment.

Tetra entered a private room in the castle and sat down on an armchair.

_Daphness Nohansen Hyrule...he's...back? But he died! What the hell's going on? Ugh...NOTHING makes sense anymore... _she thought.

Tetra sighed. She now fretted over what Bambi would make her do next...

* * *

Daphness sighed.

"I told you, Link, I LIED! I never died! I went to Disney World! See?" He pointed to the Mickey Mouse hat atop his head.

Link let out a cry of rage.

"WHY, OH WHY, MUST YOU STILL BE ALIVE!" he bellowed.

Komali let out a sigh and shook his head.

Grumbled the king, "You're just as stupid as you always were..."

"Yeah, well...WELL...uh...you're just as FAT as you always were!" Link shot back.

With raised eyebrows, Komali and Daphness exchanged looks. Then they started laughing. Link was not pleased in the least.

"That's not funny!"

Both king and prince wiped tears from their eyes.

His laughter dwindling, Daphness said, "Well...I've come to help. I won't be with you full-time, for I have better things to do, but I know enough and possess enough ability to aid you...I guess."

"What all do you know about our quest?" Komali asked curiously.

"Hmm...well, let's see... I know what's been going on in the past, I know what you're trying to do now, who you're looking for, and where you're going..." Link looked fearful, but the king continued, "and I also know a few things you don't. For example, Bambi has turned Hyrule Castle into her own lair. She is keeping Aryll imprisoned, and Tetra too. Tetra has not turned evil by choice, you know. She has been cursed. Also, Bambi is the great-grandaughter of Ganondorf. The path she has taken is not because of his influence over her. But Bambi is disguised, you see...I think... Something like that, I'm not totally sure."

"What do you mean?" asked Link.

"I'm not sure if she's human," stated Daphness.

"Well, that doesen't surprise me..." snorted Link.

"Guys, we really should find Darunia now..." said Komali. And thus, they set off for the Goron chief's throne room.

The threesome (dog in tow) entered the room and immediately spotted a huge, beast/man, who was light brown in color, and seemed to be made purely of rock, fat, and muscle. He was none other than Darunia himself, and he turned to gaze at the intruders with round, piercing brown eyes.

"Who are you?" he shot in a gruff tone.

"This is Link, and this is Komali. It's me, Darunia...Daphness."

"Daphness? Woah, dude!" said Darunia, locking the king into an embrace.

Darunia broke off and looked at Link.

"This is...Link?" He seemed confused.

"Oh, no, he's not the Hero of Time, he's just some other asshole."

Link frowned, stuck out his chest, and said, "Dumbasses, I am the Hero of Winds and the Wind Waker! Have you not heard of me?"

"...No," said Darunia. Suddenly, the Goron raised his fists, glared at Link, and said, "Why, do you wanna fight about it?"

Link looked alarmed. He backed up.

"No, dude, what's your problem?"

Daphness stood in between Link and Darunia and said, "Link, Komali...this is Darunia, sage of fire, chief of the Gorons, even though they're like...dead. I must leave for now...I'm going to try to find out some more things. Well, good luck with the Fire Temple...you'll need it." The king disappeared.

"This way to the Fire Temple..." mumbled Darunia, pushing aside a statue that stood behind him, revealing a secret passageway. Komali, Gaylord, and Link followed him into it.

"You understand this is basically the same deal as the Forest Temple, right?" said Darunia, looking at them.

"Yeah... But are we going to have to fight another monster?" Komali asked.

"...Yes." Darunia raised his fists and added, "Why, you wanna fight about it?"

"Gah! No!" Komali said quickly, backing away. The Rito prince and Link exchanged looks.

Darunia sighed.

"Well...let's get this over with..."

They entered the temple.


	23. Flash

_**Ooooh, a big secret... Just to let you know, Hidden Fire contains things from the following Zelda games:**_

**_Ocarina of Time_**

**_Wind Waker (Duh)_**

**_The Minish Cap_**

**_Four Swords_**

* * *

__

_**Flash**_

Aryll gripped the bars of the cell.

"My big brother is really ok? Do you think he'll survive?" she asked eagerly, staring at Tetra.

"I don't know, now stop asking such stupid questions!" Tetra answered.

"Ok..." said Aryll.

After some exploration, Tetra had managed to find Aryll's location. Her boyfriend's little sister wasn't her favorite person by any means, but the pirate had to admit, she was relieved to find her.

"Pssst! Over here!" said a voice from the nearby window.

"What the...?" Tetra mumbled, walking over to it.

"Daphness Nohansen Hyrule!"

Yep. The king was levitating there by the window.

"So it's true! You ARE back! But I thought you committed sui--"

"Yes, yes, so did Link," interrupted he. "But I didn't come here for chitchat. I came here to seek information, and if I don't get caught, I might be able to get Aryll out of here. But not you. Sorry, kid, but you're a danger to everyone else."

Tetra glared for a moment, but then asked, "Information, did you say? Information about WHAT?"

"About the enemy, dumbass!" groaned Daphness, rolling his eyes. "DUH! No one can kill Bambi, or any other enemy at large for that matter, unless their weaknesses are known. Do you know anything about her?"

"Not much. Just that she's evil and she masturbates a lot, and that she likes to use chains and spikes during sex play."

"Umm...that's not exactly what I needed to know. But oh well. Do you know anything, perhaps, VALUBLE?"

Tetra was silent for a moment.

"...No," she said slowly.

"I know how to count to 30!" piped Aryll.

"Aryll, SHUT UP..." Tetra snarled, rolling her eyes.

Aryll just started counting.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven..."

Shaking her head, Tetra turned back to Daphness and said, "Maybe she's, like, vulnerable to light?"

"Hmm...there's a good chance. I mean, that is like, SOOO classic..." replied the king.

"Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty..."

Daphness and Tetra stopped conversing a moment to give Aryll annoyed looks before continuing the chat.

Tetra started, "Wait a minute, what if she catches y--"

Aryll counted louder.

"TWENTY-FIVE, TWENTY-SIX, TWENTY-SEVEN--"

"ARYLL, SHUT UP!" Tetra yelled, picking up a rock and throwing it at Aryll with impeccable aim.

"OW!" cried Aryll, falling unconcious.

Tetra took a deep breath to ease her nerves, and began to say what she was going to say before interuppted.

"What if she just waltzes in here right now, catches you, and like, kills you or something?" she asked worriedly.

"No, she won't...I don't think... Besides, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. You see, I've been reading this..." Daphness held up a book about mind reading. "And I'm gonna, like, be all cool and read her mind."

"She can still kill you."

"Pardon me, but I am WAY too powerful to even be SCRATCHED by such a young person! After all, I AM the king of this land..."

"Not anymore, you abomination!" said an angry, most unwanted voice accompanied by the loud sound of the oaken door slamming shut.

Tetra stiffened. This was not good, not good AT ALL...

"Excuse me?" Daphness said, rather incredulously, and obviously highly insulted.

Said Bambi, fists clenched, staring angrily at the king, "You heard me. You stupid, intruding abomination! I DEMAND you leave, or I will FORCE you!"

Tetra turned to look at Bambi. She seemed furious, maybe slightly annoyed, but the surprising part was that also, although she hid it fairly well, Bambi seemed scared and upset by Daphness' presence.

_Why does she seem afraid of Daphness Nohansen Hyrule...? He doesen't pose THAT much of a threat... Or...does he? _Tetra thought.

"You little bitch, you can't tell ME what to do!" snapped the king haughtily.

Bambi hesitated, her eyes widening slightly.

"Yes...I can!" she said.

"WRONG! Now I am going to discover your weakness!" exclaimed Daphness, shutting his eyes and putting his newly acquired physcic knowledge to the test.

Tetra watched, wide-eyed as Bambi shut her eyes tightly, put her hands to her head, and let out a sudden, sharp, uncharacteristic shriek.

Images flashed in the king's mind; peculiar images... He viewed a princess, much like his own Zelda, a collapsing castle, and the...Four Sword! Suddenly, the "slideshow" stopped. Daphness opened his eyes.

Bambi stared at him, eyes more wide and fearful than ever before. She was sweating and breathing heavily; she appeared to be in shock.

Finally, she regained her senses narrowed her eyes, and sent a dark energy ball at Daphness as she screamed, "GET OUT! GET...OUT!"

Daphness got hit by it, and was knocked out of the air. Luckily, he managed to recover quickly, and using some of his powers, was also able to land on his feet.

"I'll be back!" he called defiantly before disappearing.

Bambi turned a livid eye to Tetra.

"You fucking bitch! This is something DEFINATELY worthy of IMMEDIATE punishment! Now...GO INTO MY BEDROOM AND WAIT FOR ME!" She smirked evilly. "I'm gonna make you scream."

Tetra, although she was very much against the punishment implied, remained cool as she said, "Next time, do a better job at masking your fears, Bambi..."

Bambi was outraged by this. With a dangerous expression, she hissed darkly, "Do as you're told..."

Tetra walked slowly to the door, rested a hand on the frame, and stopped. She turned to look at Bambi briefly before closing her eyes and shaking her head. The pirate's exit proceeded.

A moment later, after a few seconds' deep thought, Bambi went to the doorway herself. As Tetra did, she turned around, but instead looked at the window.

Wiping sweat from her brow and hoping that the king of Hyrule had not found out more than she wanted him to know, Bambi slipped out of the room.


	24. The Fire Temple

_**The Fire Temple**_

Link, Komali, Gaylord, and Darunia entered the Fire Temple.

Link shot a nervous glance at Darunia as he made sure to maintain a good distance between the agressive Goron.

"Umm...so this is...the Fire Temple. It sure is...hot? Eh heheh..." he chuckled nervously.

"...Yep," said Darunia simply.

"Yeah...is it always this hot?" offered an equally nervous Komali as he tried to make pleasant, violence-free conversation.

"...Yep," replied Darunia. "Why...do you wanna fight about it?" He raised his fists.

"NO!" Link and Komali cried, jumping back further.

Darunia glared at them for a moment before the foursome went onward. They walked across a long bridge suspended over boiling hot lava, and entered a room.

"What do we do here?" Link asked, failing to remember that Darunia hated questions.

"DIE!" screamed Darunia, punching Link across the room. Komali gaped, but remained still.

But all of a sudden, the Rito prince noticed something.

"Hey -- guys! There's a treasure chest!"

The group approached it, and hesitantly opened it.

"This is the...Big Key?" said Darunia, gaping at it.

"This shouldn't be that easy..." noted Komali warily.

"Pphht..." Link snorted, snatching it up. "Oh, PLEASE...both of you, don't be so cautious! If it's here, it's here, and there ain't nothin' wrong with that!"

With everyone except Link worried, they traveled out of the room.

"This is good luck! All we have to do is find the boss room, kill whatever's there, and get the fucking medallion!" our hero said cockily.

"FUCKING PUNK!" shouted Darunia hitting Link.

"Oooowwww, why do you keep doing that?" Link whined.

"...I don't know. WHY, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia growled.

"STOP THAT!" Link snapped.

Darunia was about to strangldee Link, but was cut off when Komali interrupted, "Guys, stop it. Save your killing energy for whatever's in the boss room."

"Oh, no, I don't think you want to kill what's in the boss room..." said a slow voice dripping with slyness.

"Oh, shit..." Link said, staring at Bambi, who stood at the far end of the room.

"Where the hell did YOU come from?" Komali asked.

"I go where I want, do what I please, go where I want how I want and/or please, be who I want, do what --"

Link cut Bambi's rambling short by saying, "Ok, ok, I get it, but WHAT THE HELL do you mean when you say, 'don't want to kill what's in the boss room'?"

"Well, if I told you, then it wouldn't be any fun, now would it?" Bambi replied, grinning.

"Yeah...well...you're a DUMBASS!" Link spat.

Darunia stared blankly.

"Oh, I'm most certainly not a dumbass..." Bambi said calmly, still grinning. Then she disappeared.

"Dammit!" Link cursed.

All of a sudden, an army of Mighty Darknuts streamed into the room.

Bambi's voice rang, "If you can kill all these Mighty Darknuts, you can get to the boss room..."

Moblins arrived, too.

Added Bambi, "Oh yeah...and these moblins, too. Hehehehehe..."

Link picked up Gaylord and shook him.

"DO THE THING WITH THE LASER BEAMS AGAIN, DAMMIT! DO IT!"

Gaylord stared at him blankly.

"Shit..." Komali gasped. "We don't exactly have weapons, now do we? Link, do you have anything in your ass that's...useful?"

Link gasped too, and dropped Gaylord.

"How do you know I keep things in my ass?"

Komali said quickly, "Uuuuuhhhh, doesen't matter! But, do you?"

"Hmm..." Link pulled down his pants, and reached around. Everyone stared, including all the foes.

"Quit watching me when I have my hand up my ass, dammit!" Link snapped at them. Everyone looked away.

"Let's see what we have here..." Link muttered, pulling out the items he named.

"An umbrella...a car seat...my old hamster -- ew...a teen magazine..."

The room's occupants exchanged glances.

"Fruit Loops...Toucan Sam's corpse -- double ew...Bambi's panties -- MEGA EW. Then I have here Tetra's panties...Medli's panties...Makar's panties...Komali's panti --"

"OK, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU'VE JUST GOT CRAP!" interuppted Komali.

Link pulled up his pants.

"Well, EX-CUUUSE me, princess!" he said haughtily.

"Ew, Link, what the hell did you just say to me? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" Komali demanded.

"Why so pissy, Komali? Getting your period?" Link sneered.

"TAKE THAT BACK, YA MOTHER-FUCKA!" Komali screeched as he attacked Link. The two boys ripped off eachother's clothes and started fighting as the monsters advanced on them.

Suddenly, Darunia let out a battle cry, and went on a killing spree.

"GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, knocking the armor off of a Mighty Darknut and ripping its heart out. Then he leapt upon a Moblin, and pulled its colin out through its ass crack.

"I'm dyyyyiiiiing!" said the Moblin.

Darunia ripped the head off another Moblin, and humped a Mighty Darknut until it exploded. Several other monsters spontaneously combusted. Darunia whipped out a machine gun and shot a group of Moblins.

After about 15 minutes, the bodies of Darunia's victims lay slain. Blood covered everything. Gaylord pissed on the floor.

Link and Komali stopped fighting.

"Woah..." Link uttered, staring around with wide eyes.

"Hot piss!" cheered Komali.

Link and Komali put their clothes back on, and with Darunia and Gaylord, they left the room. The boss door loomed in front of them.

"Are you guys ready for...whatever's in there?" Link asked.

"...Yep. WHY, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia yelled.

Link backed away. Komali took the key from Link, and slowly unlocked the door. Everyone entered, shutting the door behind them.

Giggling rang through the pitch black room.

"Hehehehehehehehe!"

Suddenly, several torches lit themselves. Tetra raised her vacant eyes to them, grinning.

"Uh-oh..." Link muttered, noticing the look in her eye.

"Um...t-that's not all..." uttered Komali as several giant Redeads burst up from the ground around Tetra.


	25. Destruction Prevention

_**Destruction Prevention**_

"...You know...weapons would be really, really good right now," Link noted.

Komali said nothing; he trembled in fear. The Rito prince looked as though he would be sick at any moment.

"Ew...t-these zombies...they're...bluish! And...dead looking! GROSS!" he finally spoke.

"Well, DUH, they ARE zombies!" Link told him, rolling his eyes.

It was Tetra's turn to speak.

Said she, "Creatures of death...now! GET THEM!" The giant Redeads obeyed Link's girlfriend's orders and approached, moaning.

"Now would be a good time for a killing spree, Darunia!" Link said desperately, finally showing fear.

"HEY! DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME!" Darunia snapped, glaring at Link. He seemed to be unable to notice that they were now in extreme peril.

"Er...laser beams, Gaylord?" Komali offered. Gaylord seemed particularly blank at the present.

"Well, shit, this just isn't good..." Link muttered, shaking his head, backing up, and gaping fixedly and unblinkingly at the oversized zombies.

"Gggggrrrrraaaaawwww..." one groaned, reaching out a long arm and attempting to beat them. Everyone dodged.

"Link, t-try to talk some sense into Tetra! It could be our only hope!"

"TETRA!" Link cried out.

Though he could not see her through the long and wide legs of the many Redeads, her attention immediately snapped to him. A wave of sensation washed over her: hate instilled in her for him by Bambi's spell, and hope...hope that he would understand.

_Would he understand? Does he really love me? _she wondered. This temporary control over herself vanished, but a moment later, she regained it.

_Oh, goddesses, he doesen't really love me, does he!_

Control gone. Control back.

_Shit, this is creating the problem of many small paragraphs... _Tetra realized. Control vanished again.

Yelled evil Tetra, "DON'T BE SUCH LAGGARDS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM _NOW_!"

"Yo mahn, you gotsa be patient, yah?" said one giant Redead.

"DO IT!" screeched Tetra. "NOW, I SAY! THIS _INSTANT_!"

"Alright, mahn, alright alright! Chill!" said another.

"DARUNIA, HEEEEELP!" Link wailed.

Komali, Gaylord, and Link turned to look and see where the Goron was. He was standing off to the side, facing the wall and humming the _Twilight Zone _theme song.

"Jeez, what the hell's his problem?" an incredulous Komali said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"WELL, HE'S NOT HELPING, FOR ONE!" yelled Link in frightened tones, leaping out of the way of a Redead's giant fist.

"TRY KNOCKING SENSE INTO TETRA AGAIN!" Komali ordered.

"WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SHIT GOES ON IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS? I CAN'T KNOCK HER UP NOW, SHE'S EVIL!" Link shot.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO FUCK HER, I MEANT THAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO BREAK THE SPELL!"

"OH!"

"STOP YOUR SCREAMING! I am in the middle of my self-reflection period..." said Darunia before continuing his physcopathic humming.

"AAAHHH!" Link and Komali screamed, jumping out of the way of yet another Redead fist. Gaylord barked hysterically, then spontaneously combusted.

"Shit, Aryll's not gonna like that," Link said.

"I guess that's a sign the author is sick of Gaylord," commented Komali.

Link yelled, "TETRA! LISTEN TO ME! YOU'VE GONE INSANE! STOP THIS SHIT NOW!"

Tetra suddenly developed a very terrible headache as she gained control and lost control over herself. Her eyes watered, and she let out a cry and fell to her knees, putting head in her hands.

Link and Komali tried to look at her with every chance they got, for they had heard her distressed shriek.

Whenever she was herself, Tetra's mind screamed, _Fight it, fight it, come on, you have to fight the spell!_

She was confused and in pain at the same time. With her loss of confidence, the Redeads also lost confidence and attacked extremely hestitantly. In fact, they hesitated so much that they hardly attacked at all. They stole nervous glances at their master, not being able to think of anything they could do to help her.

Tetra let out a pained scream. Link and Komali watched fearfully.

"Tetra, w...what the?" Link uttered, confused.

His voice once more strengthened the good part of her mind. She finally managed to speak as the real Tetra.

"L-LINK...LEAVE...T-TAKE...AAAGGHHH..." she thrusted her dagger to him. It landed with a clank at his feet.

Tetra snapped her fingers shakily, and all of the Redeads dropped dead right on the spot. Tetra's body jerked horribly, and she looked fit to barf any second. Moving aside some leaves in the middle of the room to reveal a trap door, Tetra opened it, but before going in, she told Link in a loud, yet difficult to understand voice, "LEAVE...D-DON'T...FOLLOW...ME..."

"Tetra!" Link called, taking a step forward. Komali stretched out an arm to stop his confused and concerned companion from going any further.

"She said to stay, Link..." the Rito stated calmly. Link watched helplessly as Tetra went through the trap door and shut it behind her.

_She was shaking so badly... _he thought.

The lifeless Redeads disappeared. An eerily serene silence ensued. Suddenly, one of the cyclones appeared in the middle of the room. Before it appeared a glowing medallion: the Fire Medallion. Komali picked it up.

"Well, thanks for almost nothing, Darunia," he said. Darunia ignored him as he continued the _Twilight Zone_ theme. Link tenderly picked up the dagger Tetra had given him, and stepping into the cyclone, he and Komali left Darunia to his "self-reflection", both silent as they tried to decipher what had just happened.

* * *

"YOU STUPID BITCH!" Bambi screeched, her red eyes as wide as they could get with blind fury. She kicked Tetra, who knelt shaking and sweating before her.

Tetra tried to say something, but the moment she opened her mouth, she was forced to shut it again, knowing that she would puke at any given second. Resistance to Bambi's spell was most certainly not rewarded, that was very obvious at the moment.

Bending down and squeezing Tetra's neck, Bambi hissed, "That is inexcuseable. If it happens again, trust me, you'll be beyond sick..."


	26. Convincing in Vain

_**A little bit of sex for the kinky fan. Enjoy. And review.**_

* * *

__

_**Convincing in Vain**_

Link fingered Tetra's dagger gently, staring down at it, brow furrowed.

"Oh, cheer up, Link... There are other fish in the sea, ya know," said Komali, putting a hand on Link's shoulder.

"Look, for the millionth time, DON'T TOUCH ME. Having a sexual relationship with you is not something I plan to do!" Link shot.

"But what about that time in Cancun when we --"

"_Don't you EVER bring that up again_!"

"Jeez, alright, alright!"

Link squeezed the dagger, shut his eyes tightly, and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"Now..." he said quietly, "This 'Zora's Domain'... How much farther is it?"

"We're not even half way there yet, Link. We're not even off Death Mountain!"

"So?"

"Well, we've been walking all day, and night's just about here...I think we should camp."

"But it's all hard and rocky!" Link exclaimed.

"You're the Wind Waker and the Hero of Winds, and you don't know how to rough it?" questioned a somewhat incredulous Komali.

"No, not really," Link answered.

"Well, I'm not walking any farther!" Komali stated defiantly.

"FINE! I'LL GO WITHOUT YOU!" Link snapped haughtily, strutting onward.

"You don't even know where to go!"

Link stopped.

"So?"

"How can you get anywhere without knowing where you should go?"

"Um..."

"That's what I thought. Now get back here and stop being such a prick! Jeez..."

It was final. They were camping on Death Mountain.

* * *

Link moaned, opened his eyes, and lifted his torso slightly to adjust his position. The rough sleeping surface was doing no favors for his body, especially his neck at the moment. However, just as he was about to make the move, he caught sight of something all too familiar.

Red eyes partly obscured by curly blonde hair free of the usual headband gleamed at him, looking rather serious. The face of their owner frowned slightly at Link, her body eerily still from its position on the small boulder near him.

Link fumbled around for Tetra's dagger, and upon finding it, hastily pointed it at the girl.

"Thought you could sneak up on me, huh, Bambi?" he hissed, rather shrilly.

Bambi's eyes narrowed slightly and briefly, so that it was merely a facial twitch. She sighed quietly, her brow furrowing more so, the frown deepening.

"Why are you here?" Link demanded. "You've come for a fight or something, right?"

Bambi glanced around nervously.

"...No..." she said slowly.

Link gave her a funny look. She seemed...not herself...

"What the hell's your problem, Bambi?"

Bambi ignored the question, and turned cool.

"Link, tell me something...don't you think your attempts to rid the world of me and save it are, oh, how you say..._vain_?"

"No, not really. Actually, I think it's working out quite well."

Bambi's face twitched again.

"Don't you feel that you've lost Tetra forever?" she asked, her eyes flashing with a strange determination.

"...I don't know. What the hell are you getting at?" Link answered with suspicion.

Bambi glanced around rather fearfully.

Then she told him acidly, "Look! You're not gonna win, so just give up now!"

"Well, that's rather blunt."

"So?"

"Why do you want me to give up all of a sudden?" Link asked.

Bambi stood up so quickly Link jumped.

"WHY SO MANY QUESTIONS?" she shrieked.

Link inched backward a little, and turned to see if Komali, who was sleeping next to him, was roused by the noise. He wasn't.

Turning back to Bambi, a little incredulous, Link replied, "I'm not the one full of questions! You are!"

"You dare to contradict ME, fool?" Bambi took a step forward.

Link moved backward more so.

"What the -- what's wrong with you? Well...besides the usual, BUT STILL!"

"I'll show you who's boss!" Bambi snapped, and suddenly, she lept upon Link and starting ripping off his clothes.

Link fell backward onto Komali, who remained sleeping.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Link yelled, struggling; but in moments, Bambi had relieved him of all apparrel.

Pressing him down firmly on Komali's back, she nipped his ears, pecked her lips along his jaw bone, and lowered her face to the center of his neck.

"RAPIST! RAPIST!" Link screeched.

Bambi bit his neck.

"OW, HEY!"

It was then that Link noticed his eye mark burning, and the burning steadily worsened as time progressed.

Slamming his fist down on Komali's back as hard as he could, Link shouted, "KOMALI, WAKE UP!"

Komali mumbled something in his sleep, and did not wake up.

"MOTHER FUCKER! AAAAGGGHHH..." The pain from the eye worsened.

Bambi lifted her head and asked with a smirk masking her strange uneasiness, "Oh, is that mean old eye mark acting up again? Would you like me to make the pain go away?"

"...Yeah, that would be nice."

Bambi nipped him right on the mark.

It was probably the worst pain that Link had ever felt; he found himself wishing that the end of him would come.

"AAAAAHHHHH, KOMALI, W...WAKE UP...!"

Komali slept on.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO YOU, LIKE, HAVE A SLEEPING DISORDER OR SOMETHING?" Link barked at the unconcious form of the Rito he sat upon.

Bambi flicked the mark with her tongue. The pain, having dulled somewhat, fired up again. Link cried out.

"If you think THAT'S painful, wait until you see what I have in store for you next, plaything! Hehehehehe!" Bambi chuckled gleefully, her strange uneasiness subsiding rapidly now that Link seemed to be both amusing and arousing her greatly.

While still maintaining the task of keeping Link in place, she took off her own clothes. Link continued to struggle. He felt nauseous from the mark, but instead of weakening him, all the pain gave him more energy. However, it was nowhere near enough. Despite the fact that his attacker was petite, noticeably more so than Tetra and others, she had been blessed with the Triforce of Power, and Link was too much of a dumbass to know that if one with such power did not wish to be moved, then she would not be moved. It would have done him more good to just give in. His body turned on him by allowing him to feel some unwanted pleasure as Bambi forced his entrance into her.

Funny. It hurt and felt good? Both at the same time!

_Good Goddesses, this is like domination... _Link thought incredulously. _Heh...cool. Wait, not cool._

"KOMALI! KO-MA-LI!" Link bellowed, eyes shut tightly as he pounded Komali with his fist again. This time, it was half out of desperation, half a reaction to the sex.

Bambi pushed him in deeply, then placed a hand on his chest and pushed him down as flat as he could go. Tangling her fingers in his hair, she forced her tongue into his mouth.

_Did Tetra experience anything similar to this...? _Link wondered.

About 2 hours later, Link had reached orgasm. Bambi removed herself from him.

The pain that Link had thought would stem from the eye mark upon Bambi's entry finally hit him, worse than anything imagineable, worse than what he had previously thought was the worst.

Bambi, who had dressed quickly, sat back and watched with a grin, eyes flashing maliciously.

"Oh, is that boo-boo acting up again, sweetie?" she asked in a teasingly evil fashion.

Link clutched at Komali's clothes (He was still on top of him) desperately, as if that could stop the pain. The words "You bitch!" just barely flashed in his mind. It hurt too much to cry out, it hurt too much to throw up, it hurt too much to do much of anything but fall unconcious. So he did.

"Step away NOW..." threatened a voice behind Bambi.

Her eyes widened, and she turned to face the speaker with the look of a dog who had been punished for chewing up its master's slippers.

Daphness Nohansen Hyrule glared at her.

"Leave him alone before I am forced to cause you harm! Or perhaps I could just pry into your mind again, and find out that dirty little secret you seem to be guarding so very jealously... Unless, of course, you would care to just come out and say it?"

Bambi's eyes flashed with viciousness and anger before she scampered away.

The king approached the limp form of Link.

"YO! LINK!" he said.

Link did not respond. Daphness kicked him. Still no response. He let out a sigh.

The sigh seemed to be the thing that awakened them sleeping Rito beneath the victim.

"WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?" Komali demanded, his eyes shooting open.

"That was me sighing, Komali..."

"Oh."

Komali attempted to sit up, but found that he could not, for Link lay sprawled on his back.

"Umm, Daphness? Did Link have, um...a sexual encounter with me?" he asked warily.

"Mmm, no, not with you..." replied the king steadily.

"What do you mean...?" Komali asked.

"You mean to say you heard absolutely nothing?"

"Wait, I think I did. There was cancan music involved, right?"

"What? No."

"Oh...then I didn't hear anything. Why, what happened? Why's Link all...naked?"

"Bambi just banged him. I got it all on tape, too! Haha..." the king chortled.

"Woah, cool. I had a dream like that once..." Komali said absentmindedly.

"Well, come on, let's wake him up..." mumbled Daphness, pulling Link off of Komali who then sat up.

"Link...Link, wake up!" said Komali, shaking Link's shoulders gently.

Link moaned. His left hand twitched.

Komali shook him a little harder.

"Come on, wake up, man!"

Link sighed quietly, still unconcious for the most part.

"WAKE UP, DUFUS!" said the king, giving Link a hard kick. That was enough.

"Ow, hey..." Link mumbled in a barely audible mumbled as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

"Oh!" he uttered, suddenly moving onto his hands and knees and throwing up all over the ground.

"Aw, gross, man!" said Komali disgustedly, looking away.

"Do I look pretty bad right now...?" Link asked hoarsely, breathing deeply and remaining in the same position.

Replied Komali, "Hmmm...well, yes and no. I'd say you look like someone who got fucked for two hours, to be specific."

"Yeah, well, he _did _get fucked for two hours, you know," said the king with a nod.

"Gggrrr, I'll get her!" Link snarled, jumping to his feet. Too weak from the trauma of the mark's pain at the present to remain standing for even mere seconds, he fell over, only to be caught by Komali. Link subconciously threw his arms around the prince's neck for support.

"We certainly do end up in the most awkward of positions quite frequently, no?" said Komali. Link hastily took his arms away from Komali, who set him back on his feet and steadied him carefully.

Link shoved Komali away viciously, and stormed forward.

"COME ON! WE ARE GOING TO FIND THIS RUTO PERSON _NOW_!"

Daphness rolled his eyes, seized Link by the shoulder and roughly jerked him back. Link swayed dangerously, and Komali scampered forward to prevent him from falling just in case.

Said the king, "We're not going anywhere tonight. I'll stay with the two of you for a little while, for I have nothing better to do, and besides...I think you might need me. Also, I really should explain this incident tomorrow..."

Komali helped a thoroughly annoyed Link lay down.

"Get some sleep, Link...you're not gonna be able to do anything if you don't rest," he said.

Daphness lay down too. All was silent for a few minutes.

Finally, Komali broke it by saying, "Do you think if we ran into Bambi again, she'd give me a hand job?"


	27. Ruto

_**Ruto**_

Link awoke the next day feeling sore (particularly in his crotch) and still rather ill, but he was determind to get revenge for the previous night's event. He got up before Daphness and Komali. In fact, he was the reason they woke up not long afterward.

"Get up, get up!" snarled Link, kicking both of them until they woke up.

"Dude, what's your problem...?" Komali yawned, looking at Link blearily.

"You better watch out, I have a gun in my pocket..." grumbled Daphness, glaring and sitting up.

"Well, that's good for you! If you're going to be such a Mr. Sourpuss, then don't come!" huffed Link.

"Er...'Mr. Sourpuss'?" Komali said, raising a brow.

Daphness stood up. He towered above Link.

"Oh, trust me, you'll be begging for my companionship for multiple reasons..."

"Oh? Good ahead and name 'em!" Link growled.

"For one, I'm the ONLY person Bambi's afraid of. You don't scare her (not that you scare anything, really...), Tetra doesen't scare her, no one does but ME! And second of all, you're REALLY gonna need me when you meet up with Ruto..."

"Why?" asked Link.

"You'll see..."

"Look, guys, let's just go and get this over with..." sighed Komali, heading off down the mountain. Link and Daphness did too, although not before shooting glares at eachother.

_This feels a lot like old times... And that really isn't exactly a good thing... _Link thought darkly, absentmindedly fingering his Wind Waker.

_But was my old adventure smoother and safer than this one? I don't know what to think... I mean, the last quest was pretty bad...Ganondorf listened to Spice Girls, and that's probably the most UNCOOL thing a person can do. I don't think Bambi listens to Spice Girls...or...does she? But she totally fucked me. AND she poked me on the forhead a whole bunch of times, and that's really annoying... Although getting laid is never SO bad, no matter who does you. Ganondorf never made love to me. I wonder what that would feel like? I wonder if he's ever gotten laid? I wonder if he's ever thought about having sex with me? I bet if I were him, I would try to imagine what it would be like to have sex with me. I think that if I were Ganondorf, I think that having sex with me would be a lot of fun. I wonder why Ganondorf never tried to have sex with me. I mean, I always thought he was kinda gay... Or maybe he's just twice as stupid as I thought he was. ...That could be it. But I'm not gay. But I have sex with men. Does that make me gay? I think I prefer women... I mean, I'm dating Tetra. But now she's Bambi's whore or whatever... I don't think that's really good for a relationship. I wonder if Bambi has sex with Tetra? She kinda said she did back in the Forest Temple...or was she joking? I wonder if Tetra sleeps with her willingly? I hope they fuck eachother. That would be hot. But I'm not around to see it. Maybe I can try picturing it... _Link thought. So he did.

"Link, is there some business you need to, erm...take care of? There's a boulder over there, maybe you can go behind it and get rid of that thing. I've been looking at it for the past few minutes, and I'm getting a little sick of it..." admitted Komali, nodding at Link's erection.

Link snapped back to reality.

"What? Oh..." He looked down at his pants. "Well, I guess I could -- wait, what were you doing looking at it?"

"...Nothing," Komali said blankly.

"Were you looking at it too?" Link demanded, rounding on Daphness and pointing at his boner.

"I noticed it, but I didn't look at it. I was hoping it would just go away..." Daphness said quietly.

Awkward silence followed, but it grew more natural as time progressed.

Finally, Komali said, "Umm...king? Last night, you said you would explain some things to us about what had happened last night..."

"Ah, yes, that..."

"Well, start explaining!" snapped Link.

"Do you know why she fucked you, Link?" Daphness asked.

"No, I figured it was just because she felt like it..."

"Didn't she seem to behaving oddly?"

"Yeah, I guess she did... She seemed serious and edgy..." Link said thoughtfully.

"She did it because she was upset. She was nervous because she could sense my presence somewhere; I could sense her, too. She's scared, and now that I'm here, she is clueless as to what she's going to do with you. She's not sure if she should kill you or keep you alive... The best thing she could think of to do was have sex with you."

"That doesen't make a whole lot of sense," stated Komali.

"Why's she scared of you? Is it 'cause you're fat?" Link asked.

Daphness glowered at him steadily for a moment before saying, "No, not because I'm _fat..._it's because she's keeping some large secret, and seems to think that I might figure it out and somehow use it against her. I _did _try to figure it out by reading her mind, and I saw strange things, but nothing that I believe is useful in defeating her."

"You can read minds?" Link gasped.

Komali sighed.

"That's not the important question! The _real _question is, what did you see?"

"Yes, I _have_ been reading a book about mind reading. It's come in handy. And as for what I saw...well...it was very clear, but Bambi should feel lucky that I couldn't tell what it all meant."

"What did you see?" Komali asked excitedly.

"I saw a princess, also named Zelda...she was a member of my bloodline hundreds of years ago... I saw a collapsing castle...and...the Four Sword..." answered Daphness solemnly.

"The...er...what?" Link uttered stupidly.

"Have you not heard of the tales of the Four Sword?" Daphness questioned.

"Isn't that the story about those kids that buy that pony on that one island?" Link asked.

"What -- " Daphness started, but was cut off by Komali.

"Oh, yeah, I read that one! And there was that guy named Paul, and he sister, Maurine, right? Well, wasn't it sooo cool that they trained that pony?"

"Yeah, that was awesome!"

"YOU IDIOTS, THAT'S _MISTY OF CHINCOTEAGUE_, NOT THE LEGEND OF THE FOUR SWORD!" yelled Daphness. This silenced the boys.

"..I really liked that pony, I thought she was -- " Link was cut off by the king, who shouted, "SHUT UP!"

"Now, I shall tell you the legend of the Four Sword..." growled Daphness, sending dangerous glares at Link and Komali.

"Hundreds of years ago, a sorcerer named Vaati terrorized the lands, and kidnapped hot chicks. Everyone thought there was no hope left, when suddenly, a young boy appeared, wielding a single sword. It split him into four, and together, the four-who-were-one vanquished Vaati, and sealed him in the sword. That blade was dubbed the Four Sword, and was enshrined.

However, hundreds of years after that, the seal upon Vaati weakened. A new hero came about, one who was quite foolish... Distracted by other evils related to Vaati, he pulled the sword and freed him. The boy split into four, and resealed Vaati. Things have been silent about it since then."

"That's it?" asked Komali. "That was bo --"

"But allow me," said Daphness, "to also explain the beggining of the Four Sword and Vaati..."

"Fuck," Link murmured, crossing his arms and walking a little faster.

"Hundreds of years before the said hundreds of years, terror struck the very VERY ancient Hyrule. As in the future, the people lost hope. Then suddenly, a race of itsy bitsy people known as the Picori descended upon the land, and brought the hero of men a sword and a golden light. The hero banished the evil, and the blade was named the Picori Blade.

Then MORE HUNDREDS of years later, there lived a Picori named Vaati. He was the apprentice of a wise Picori man named Ezlo, who created a maaaagical hat. Vaati took the magical hat to become a sorcerer and turn Ezlo into a hat. Vaati escaped to Hyrule, and turned the Princess Zelda at the time into stone, and broke the Picori Blade. Another hero went to get the sword reforged, save Princess Zelda, and kill Vaati's butch ass. He came across Ezlo, and with his guidance, they got the Picori Blade turned into the Four Sword...and that's how it all happened."

"It's over, right?" Komali asked.

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"Good," breathed Link.

"The Zelda I saw in Bambi's mind... It was the Zelda from the era of the Four Sword's creation, the very princess that was turned to stone. Of course, there's much detail that I left out about those stories, maybe I should tell you --"

"NO!" Link and Komali said in unison.

"Fine, be that way!" snorted Daphness.

Thoughtful silence followed for a while, until the king leaned over to Link and whispered, "You know, since I can read minds, I know why you got that boner... And let me just say, I am deeply ashamed of you for thinking so raunchily." He shook his head.

Link shifted uncomfortably.

_Oh, goddesses...can he see what I'm thinking at this very moment? _he thought.

_Yes, I can... _said a spooky voice in Link's head.

_Crap! _Link thought.

* * *

Daphness, Komali, and Link stood in the doorway of Zora's Domain.

"This is Zora's Domain?" asked Komali, gaping at the beauty of the watery cavern.

"DUH," snorted the king. "Now, let's go find Ruto..." They started walking.

"Is Ruto, umm..._weird _or anything?" Link asked in somewhat wary tones.

"Uuummm..." But before Daphness could answer, they entered the Zora throne room, where a Zora woman with huge knockers sat with a pocket knife.

"And THIS is for Link!" she said angrily, cutting herself with the knife. "And _THIS _is for Link!" She did it again. "And THIS is for all the little furry animals that have died in forest fires!" Again.

"AND THIS IS FOR LINK!" she shrieked, leaving a deeper cut near the others.

Link stood there, gaping. Komali was no different.

"Um...Ruto?" offered Daphness.

Ruto turned sharply to him. It appeared as if her eyes went in different directions, giving her an insane and/or severely mentally retarted look. Link thought he saw one of her eyes twitch, too...

"What?" she snapped, her eyes looking even further away from eachother.

"It's me...Daphness Nohansen Hyrule...do you, er...remember me?"

Ruto's voice turned very airy...a little TOO airy...

She grinned lopsidedly.

"Ah, yes, my king...my LORD..."

"Yes, that's very, uh...dandy, and all...well, look, we need your assistance. We need you to help us get the Water Medallion," said the king, ignoring Link's mouthed words of, "No, no, no!"

Ruto turned her head to Link and Komali, who backed up slightly.

"This one..." said Ruto blankly, pointing at Link. "What is his name?"

"M-my name is Li --"

"UH, HIS NAME IS LARS!" Daphness said quickly, putting a hand over Link's mouth.

Ruto approached Link slowly.

"Lars...you look very much like someone I know..." she said in that scary, airy voice. She used the pocket knife to make a cut on Link's cheek.

"You are a very pretty boy..." she said.

Link, his eyes bulging, looked at Daphness, who ignored him, looking blank.

"Um...my name is Komali..." offered Komali weakly.

"SHUT UP, BOY!" snarled Ruto, turning to Komali and pointing the knife at him. He stumbled backward in haste.

Regaining the sickly sweet vocie, she gave Daphness her weird grin, and asked, "How may I assist you?"

"Take us to the temple, and go through it with us. Help us slay the monster that slumbers there, if you can. We need the medallion to assist in the destruction of a great evil."

"Why, of course..." said Ruto, looking at Link darkly.


	28. Dark Waters

_**This chapter woulda been longer and better, but I'm tired. I think I'm gonna pass out or something.**_

* * *

_**Dark Waters**_

Ruto led Link, Daphness, and Komali through a secret passageway from Zora's Domain to the Water Temple.

"It used to be so full of water, and then it all went gone..." Ruto said in a small, blank voice.

Link looked pleadingly at Daphness, who was keeping a good distance from Ruto.

"W...what are we gonna do, then?" Komali asked timidly. Ruto turned a sharp eye on him suddenly, and he fell backward.

"We shall do it anyway, chicken boy!" she spat.

Komali grew angry.

"Hey, I'm not a--!" Daphness clamped a hand over the prince's mouth.

* * *

The black, shadow form of a girl sat in the shallow water, staring darkly at the wall. 

"You're late... What took you?" hissed Bambi, turning to look over her shoulder at the corner of the small room she was in.

There appeared to be nothing more than the darkness of the corner in the place where Bambi's eyes were directed, but mere seconds later, a pair of red eyes not unlike her own appeared. A body was not visible.

"I've never been here in Hyrule before, I had curiosities..." stated the thing in the corner in a quiet, yet slightly annoyed voice.

"Curiousity killed the cat, you know..." snorted Bambi, turning her head to look back at the wall.

"What does that have to do with my being late?"

"Not a whole lot, really. I just wanted to say that."

"Very well... Now, what is this place again?" inquired the voice from the corner.

"It's the Water Temple. You're no genius, are you?" Bambi answered.

"Well, I wasn't sure!"

"No, it can't be the Water Temple with all this WATER!" Bambi said mockingly, splashing water at whatever was in the corner. The thing chuckled, and Bambi smiled mischeviously. Then the two turned serious.

"So," said the voice, "What is it you wanted me to do?"

"Follow them, watch them... Taunt them..."

"That's basically what you do, is it not, Bambi?"

"That is true... But it is a tiring job. I can only watch, most times. I have other duties to be done at my lair...keeping track of the prisoners, namely."

"Who all have you imprisoned?" questioned the voice.

Said Bambi, "Link's little sister Aryll...she's mostly just bait, annoying as HELL! More recently, I have gotten a hold of Darunia and Saria. I'm trying to see if they can be of some use to me... Lastly, there's my trophy, Tetra. She's very ambitious, however...always trying to escape. Too bad, she's so very pretty, and I keep having to hurt her. Hm."

"Isn't she your bitch or something?"

"I suppose you could say that." Bambi stood up and approached the corner, saying, "But I don't like her all that much. She doesen't give me a whole lot of pleasure, so I just fuck her when I'm bored, mostly. I'm not TOO gay, though..." She moved mere inches away from the voice's owner, looking into his or her eyes and grinning. The thing chuckled nervously, and looked away. Bambi backed up.

"Right..." said the voice, "Yes, well... Where can I find our victims?"

"I'll show you."

Both dark creatures disappeared suddenly, and reappeared at the very top of the main room, where they looked down upon Link, Komali, Ruto, and Daphness, who were investigating the room, trying to find out where to go, it seemed.

"That's them," whispered Bambi.

Her fellow darkness creature snorted.

"Obviously. I highly doubt I'd be plagued with an inability to know who HE is..." The voice's red eyes peered at Link.

"My apologies, I should have figured that... Well, I better get going. I'll be watching, though, mind you."

The other creature nodded, and was about to leave too, when Bambi said, "Oh, yes...one more thing..."

The thing turned to look at her.

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Don't let them know who you are yet...it's not time."

"Very well."

"Farewell..." Bambi whispered, smiling sincerely, backing up, and disappearing.

The creature stared at the spot where she had been, and had it had any color aside from jet black darkness in its face, it would have blushed.

"Farewell..."

* * *

"I wanna take this door on the left!" Link whined, stamping his foot. 

"Everyone knows that left is unlucky, let's take the right!" Komali growled.

"NOOOO, THE ONE ON THE LEFT!" Link screamed, tears filling his eyes.

"THE RIGHT!" Komali argued.

"THE NORTHERN DOOR!" Daphness yelled.

Ruto stared at Link, who tried his best to ignore her.

"Ruto, you're the only one who hasn't voted! Vote, dammit!" the king snapped.

"I vote the right door..." Ruto said vaguely, her eyes remaining on Link.

"DAMMIT!" Link howled.

"Ha ha, yes!" Komali cheered, pushing the door open and running inside. Reluctantly, Daphness followed, and Ruto started after them.

"Screw them shits..." Link grumbled, walking into the room he had insisted on anyway.

After entering, the door swung shut behind Link. The room was pitch black.

"Hey--!" Link tried to pull open the door, but it wouldn't budge.

"I'm...trapped..."

"It certainly seems that way, doesen't it?" said a mysterious voice. Link looked around rapidly.

"Who's there?"

Link felt rigid with fear as, suddenly, a pair of red eyes came bobbing toward him through the darkness. They stopped a few feet away.

"Who are you!" he squeaked.

"I can be your best friend...I can be your worst enemy..." said the voice. Then it started laughing, and cold air seemed to flow from its direction, causing Link to shiver.

_This is almost as creepy as Ruto... _Link thought, _But not quite..._

Link said, "Yeah, that's nice, only that doesen't exactly say who you are..."

"Well, I don't think you really need to know that tidbit of information right now," replied the voice stubbornly.

"What are you, some kinda o' asshole!"

"Maybe..."

"Just tell me who you are, dammit!" Link demanded.

"Why would I tell you who I am, if you already know?" questioned the voice.

"Er...what?"

"You already know me."

"Then give me a name!"

"I'll reveal myself to you in good time..."

"Well, now seems like a pretty good time to me!" Link sniffed.

"Nevermind my identity!" snapped the mysterious invisibleish creature.

"Well, why did you corner me?"

The eyes moved closer until they were only a few inches from Link's. Their bright red color burned into Link's blue maliciously, deviously...

"I want you to know that I will be watching you and following you the whole time you're here..." The thing was so close, Link could feel its breath, cool on his face.

"Wait...are you one of Bambi's minions?"

"Do not refer to me as a 'minion'! That is degrading!" snapped the creature.

"Minion! Minion, minion, minion, minion!" taunted Link.

"It's time for you to face the ultimate wrath..." hissed the voice angrily.

Link heard the snapping of fingers, and found himself falling, falling...falling through the floor. He screamed and plummeted until he found himself in a torch lit room. It was still pretty dark, but there was enough light to see...

"Tetra?"

There she was, standing before him, on the verge of tears. The vacant, possessed look in her eyes was absent...

"Link..." she choked out, and ran toward him, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Link, I --"

Tetra was cut off when a familiar voice said, "Lay off, bitch..."

Link and Tetra turned to face Ruto.


	29. The Mad Woman

_**It's finally out! Hooray! Sorry it took so long... **_

**_Anyway, I would like to dedicate this chapter to my boyfriend Dylan! You rock, babe!_**

**_And review, peeps!_**

**_

* * *

_**

__

_**The Mad Woman**_

Link and Tetra stared at Ruto, unmoving.

"LAY...OFF...BITCH!" Ruto repeated, grabbing an empty bottle out of nowhere, holding it by the neck and smashing the bottom on the wall.

"KYAAAAAAA!" screamed the Zora princess as she ran at the two youths.

Link pulled Tetra out of the way. Tetra began to speak very quickly.

"Link, I'm sorry for the way I've been attacking you! Bambi's been controlling me, and she's got Saria and Darunia with her! Aryll's still there, too. Anyway, she's trying to see if she can use Saria and Darunia to her advantage, so please, watch out, I don't know what she's capable of! I don't think she knows I'm gone yet, so I better leave."

Ruto let out a yell and kept running at them.

"Leave? Where, how? We're locked in! Did that freaky guy in the dark send you down here, too?" Link asked.

"Huh? What freaky guy in the dark?"

Ruto screamed and ran into the wall. Then she straightened out her directions and went for Link and Tetra again, who kept moving so as to avoid her attacks.

"You haven't talked to some person with no visible body and red eyes?" Link shouted over Ruto's screaming.

"No, I haven't!" Tetra replied.

"Well, whatever! How are you going to get out? Can I come with you?"

"I'm afraid you can't come with me, but since you asked, I'll tell you that there's a secret passage that's revealed when you push that torch! But don't use it, it leads straight to Bambi's lair!" The pirate girl jerked her head to the northeastern torch.

"Woah, that's freaky shit!" Link commented.

"Yeah, totally! Listen, I REALLY have to go, Bambi could find out in mere seconds, I'm already doomed, I'm sure! I just gotta tell you, Link, I...lo..."

"Tetra?"

"Grrrrr..." growling like an animal, Tetra regained the eerily zombie-like look in her eyes, and balled up her fists.

"Fuck!" Link cursed, as Tetra, too, attacked him.

"DAMMIT, I HATE WOMEN!" he screamed, dashing around the room to avoid Ruto and Tetra's attacks.

"DAMN YOU! YOUR NAME ISN'T LARS AFTER ALL, IT'S LINK! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU LOOKED LIKE _HIM!_ THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH THOSE MANY YEARS AGO! THE ONE WHO I PLEDGED MY LOVE TO, SWORE ENGAGEMENT TO! AND YA KNOW WHAT! HE WENT AND SLEPT WITH EVERYONE IN HYRULE! EXCEPT ME! HE EVEN SLEPT WITH MY FATHER! BECAUSE OF HIS HABITS, HE WOUND UP WITH AT LEAST 50 BASTARD CHILDREN! AND YA KNOW WHAT? ONE OF THEM WAS MY FATHER'S!" Ruto cried.

"Ew..." Link muttered, wondering how that was possible.

"AND YA KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DO TO GET CHILDREN 'CAUSE NO ONE WOULD GIVE ME LOVIN'!"

"Umm, I really don't want to kn--"

"I HAD TO GO TO THE SPERM BANK!"

"Ok, ok, I GET IT!"

Link dodged Tetra again.

"Oh, goddesses, I'm gonna die here..." he said to himself.

Suddenly, the wall exploded, and in burst Komali and the king!

"Link! There you are! Why didn't you follow us?" Komali asked.

"Because you wanted to go to the right!" Link whined.

"Yeah, well, look what you got yourself into by going to the left!" Daphness snapped.

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT, SOME FREAKY GHOST-SHADOW-MONSTER-WHATEVER MADE ME FALL DOWN HERE!" Link bellowed.

"Yeah, but that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't taken the left," Komali stated.

"Whatever! Just help me, dammit!"

Daphness let out an exasperated sigh and brandished a tranquilizer gun seemingly from thin air. Firing it once, he hit Ruto. She went down. A second shot ensured that Tetra wasn't a problem for the time being.

Link looked at Tetra sadly.

"She managed to talk to me as herself before turning into a wild animal..." he said quietly.

"I thought you liked her acting like a wild animal," said Komali.

Link turned to the Rito sharply.

"Huh?"

"Well, when I met you guys on the beach, you seemed to really like it, if ya know what I mean..."

"Look, bitch, I'll kick your ass!" Link snapped.

"Stop it, or I'll kick both of your asses! Now come on, let's tie Ruto up and get out of here. I didn't get very good tranquilizers, they don't last long, you see..." said Daphness, getting some rope from thin air and tying it into a leash around Ruto's ankles. Off they went, dragging the Zora queen behind them, leaving Tetra quite still and alone on the cold floor.

* * *

Tetra awoke feeling groggy.

"Uhn..." She looked around the room. Her only company was the large hole in the wall where Komali and the king had broken in.

Tetra heard the sound of someone landing gently on the ground behind her, followed by a "tsk, tsk, tsk".

The newcomer said, "That was quite the foolhardy move, young lady... Your mistress is, I am certain, most displeased with you, most displeased indeed..."

Surprised, Tetra turned sharply to face the voice's owner. She was stunned by the boy she saw. He was a peculiar sight to behold...

He grabbed her roughly by the arm and pulled her to her feet.

"Hey, don't touch me!" Tetra snapped, slapping at him.

"Oh, don't be that way..." sneered the boy.

Said he, "Now, I feel it as my duty to escort you back to where you should be. Let us go."

They both vanished.

* * *

"My broken heart...oooohhhh, my broken heart..." sobbed Ruto, tears flowing from her mismatched eyes as she was dragged along through the temple.

"Shut up, dammit! No one fucking cares! JEEZ!" growled Daphness, thoroughly annoyed.

Link killed off another water monster using the dagger that he had been given to by Tetra.

"God, this temple seems to go on forever..." sighed Komali. "This is bad...and we know we're not alone in here, what with the attack from Tetra and that creature person that got to you..." Komali looked at Link.

Link had told them his story, and they all agreed to be alert. None of them were sure what had harassed Link back in the left room, but everyone knew it most likely was not very kind or pleasant.

_And whatever it is is still around..._ Link thought, _I...I feel like I'm being watched..._

Unexpectedly, Link heard a voice in his head say, _Oh, you are, my friend!_ And it wasn't the usual voices he heard. This one had the same voice as the creature he had met with previously.

Link gasped and brought his hands to his head.

"What's your deal, asshole?" Daphnesss asked, looking at Link warily.

"Guys, that thing really is still around! It just talked to me THROUGH MY HEAD!"

Komali and the king exchanged looks as Ruto wailed on and on about her many misfortunes, all of which concerned the Link from many, many years ago.

"Umm...of course..." Komali muttered, shaking his head subtly and continuing on.

No one noticed the red eyes watching them from the darkness above.

* * *

"God dammit, give me the key! Fuck -- GIVE ME THE KEY!" Link shrieked, kicking the Big Key treasure chest. Finally, it popped open. With an angry little huff, Link snatched it up.

"Now," he said, "which way to the boss room?"

"It's to the left..." Komali said darkly, jerking his head towards the boss room which stood right next to them.

"Oh, stop being such a fag, Komali, there is nothing wrong with the direction left!" snapped Link, angrily forcing the key into its hole and turning it.

The four companions entered a seemingly calm room. It was medium in size, filled entirely with water with the exception of platforms, and quite square.

"There doesen't seem to be anything in here..." Link said quietly.

Things were a little _too _silent, however. Even Ruto had stopped raving.

"IS ANYONE IN HERE?" Link called.

"Ssh, ssh!" Komali hissed desperately, waving his hands in front of Link's face.

"Stop it!" the prince whispered loudly. "If there _is _something in here, we don't want to draw its attention, now do we?"

"WELL, HOW ARE WE GOING TO SLAY IT AND GET THE FUCKING MEDALLION IF WE CAN'T FIND IT?" Link yelled.

"KEEP YOUR GOD DAMN VOICE DOWN!" Komali shouted back.

"Stop it, you mother fuckers!" Daphness barked.

"WELL, IF LINK WOULD JUST LOWER HIS VOICE, WE WOULD BE IN LESS DANGER!" screamed Komali, so loudly that an even worse silence followed. This, however, was penetrated by a most unwelcome sound: a growl.

"Oh, you did it now, Komali..." Link taunted, despite his rigid, fearful body position. No one turned around. They could feel hot breath on the backs of their necks.

"Ok...who wants to turn around first?" Daphness asked.

"In all due respect, I believe it should be Komali," said Link.

"What?" Komali gasped.

"Well, it IS your fault this thing's behind us, is it not?" Link asked simply. Komali sputtered.

"I have to go with Link's opinion. Well, now that that's settled, on the count of three, Komali," Daphness said.

"No--"

"One...two...THREE!"

Komali turned around, only to face a gigantic wolf with red eyes, white, bloodied fur, and razor sharp yellow fangs.

"Ok, guys? This is like...really fucking bad," said Komali. "Just turn around..."

Link and Daphness turned around.

"Wow, you're right, this is bad," Link said casually.

"Yep," said Daphness.

The wolf growled once more, only more menacingly this time, and swung its head, snapping at the air.

Dropping Ruto's leash, the king leapt into the water to escape, followed by Link and Komali.

"WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME? HELP!" screamed Ruto. But it was too late. The giant wolf ate her. Then it exploded.

"Woah, that wolf just exploded," said Link.

"Yeah, you're right," replied Daphness.

"Hey, look, there's the medallion," Komali said, pointing to their newly appeared prize.

The trio climbed onto the platform upon which the medallion rested, and upon grabbing it, they were teleported out of the Water Temple.

Link's Water Temple stalker appeared where they had been standing mere moments before. He smirked.

"Those fools. I hope they come to realize that Bambi is not the only one watching them...hehehe..."


	30. The Lonely Little Girl

_**The Lonely Little Girl**_

"One...two...three...four...five...six...seven! Tee hee! I counted to seven, Tetra! I counted to seven!" Aryll squealed happily from her cell.

Tetra, who was seated at a wooden table just outside the younger girl's prison, stared at the wall miserably.

"Look, this is the seventeenth time you've counted to seven. Could you at _least _count to nine or another different number?"

"Tee hee! Of course not, silly-willy-walnut-head!"

"Jeez, Aryll, you're such a little bitch... I like...don't even feel sorry for you anymore. Now the fact that you're caged seems more funny than anything else," Tetra snorted.

Aryll did not seem to hear the comment.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!"

"God dammit, Aryll! IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME, THEN I'M GONNA --"

The sound of the room's oaken doors opening and shutting was heard, and in stepped Darunia and Saria. Saria let out a sob and threw herself down on a wooden stool near Tetra's.

"I want to get out of here! I want my Komali!" she wailed.

Darunia stared off into space.

Tetra patted Saria's arm with a look of annoyance and disgust, as though Saria were a particulatly ugly bug. Tetra's eyes widened as Saria flung her arms around the pirate's neck and cried harder.

"Dammit, Saria, GET A GRIP!" Tetra spat, shoving the forest sage away roughly.

"Hey, Darunia, do you want to hear me count to seven?" Aryll said.

"...No. WHY, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia bellowed, dashing to Aryll's cell and shaking the bars. Aryll let out a shriek.

"HEY! Stop it, both of ya! Do you want to get beaten again?" Tetra snapped at Darunia and Aryll.

But it was too late. Once again, the sound of the doors opening and shutting filled the room, followed by heavy silence.

"What's going on here?" a dangerously calm voice questioned. Its owner was a boy who uncannily resembled Link. The only difference was that this boy had gleaming red eyes and jet black hair. The same boy that Link had run into at the Water Temple, the same boy that had roughly escorted Tetra back to her gloomy prison after her meeting with her boyfriend.

"How wonderful of you to have dropped by, Dark Link," said Tetra icily.

Gazing at Tetra coldly and slowly for a mere second, Dark gazed around at the other occupants of the room, and repeated, "I _said..._what's going on?"

Saria's tears had stopped. Her face was blank.

"Nothing," she answered emotionlessly.

Dark Link sighed and strutted the perimeter of the room, investigating while maintaining a calm and intimidating demeanor.

After a few seconds of deadly silence punctured only by his footsteps, Dark Link stopped and said, "Lucky for you, nothing is amiss to the eye... But I can't ignore what I _heard._"

Glowering, her eyes on Link's opposite reflection, Tetra asked coolly, "And what was it you believed you heard, Dark Link?"

"It was my assumption that you lot were causing some sort of mishap...again."

"We never do anything wrong!" Saria piped up.

"Maybe not _you_, you idiot, but certainly this one." Dark jerked his head in Tetra's direction, and continued, "Always causing trouble, she is... Bambi is constantly annoyed with her for some reason or other, and with good reason. This bitch shows no respect whatsoever."

Tetra smirked.

"I expected you to say something like that. Those words don't surprise me, since they come from Bambi's little pet... I don't see why she likes you so much, however. I mean, you aren't a lot of fun. I've never seen such a sexual wallflower in my life! Ha! How pitiful. Come to think of it, I've never even heard 'sex' and 'Dark Link' in the same sentence. You must have to masturbate a lot."

Tetra, Darunia, and Saria chuckled.

"Huh? I don't get it!" Aryll said.

"Shut up," Tetra snorted, selecting a lone rock from the stone floor and throwing it at the little girl's head.

"I don't appreciate that comment, Tetra. Bambi will most certainly hear about this," Dark said quietly and dangerously as he made his way to the door.

"I figured you'd tattle. Just make sure you pull that stick out of your ass before talking to her," Tetra mocked.

With one last glare at the pirate, Dark left the room.

"Tee hee hee! I bet he has a ferret up his bum!" Aryll giggled stupidly.

Tetra sighed exasperatedly.

"God dammit, Aryll, that's completely stupid!"

* * *

Bambi laid on her favorite red plush couch on her stomach, eyes closed. Thoroughly relaxed, she listened to the rain outside her window. She smiled to herself.

_Rain...that's a good sign. It shows that this land is slowly becoming an equal to the world above. It grows more and more normal each day...thanks to me. Ah, I am so wonderful. I rawk the house, _she thought.

The loud sound of the large double doors opening and closing filled the room.

"Could you open and close the doors any louder?" Bambi asked, her eyes remaining closed.

"Oh...sorry..." said Dark Link. "Did I disturb you?"

Bambi sighed and opened her eyes.

"No, you didn't. Don't worry."

Dark walked over to the couch too and sat down near Bambi's head.

"I don't mean to critisize, but I don't think you should be keeping Tetra around. She shows nothing but disrespect, and alone or with her friends, she is fairly useless. She poses little threat to anyone."

Bambi sat up.

"I disagree. She seems like she lacks productivity, but that's false. I can sense it. She owns the Triforce of Wisdom, and that can't be ignored. It has tremendous power. I wouldn't underestimate Tetra's abilities."

"...I see your point. But, if you don't mind my asking, why didn't you abduct Link instead? You know, with him being the true wielder of the Master Sword and all..."

"...I don't know..."

There was a moment of awkward silence and sexual tension. The state was broken when Dark shifted uncomfortably as a ferret poked its head out of a hole in his tights. He quickly pushed it back up his ass.

"Oh my God, what was that that just came out of your ass?" Bambi gasped.

"Ummm...nothing."

"Was that a ferret!"

"...Maybe..."

Bambi looked sympathetic.

"Oh, Dark Link, I didn't know you had Bum Ferrets... That is terrible..."

Dark looked down.

"You learn to cope with it after a while..."

Bambi put a hand on Dark's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry..."

Dark Link smiled weakly at her, but suddenly, a newcomer materialized before them out of thin air. There stood Daphness Nohansen Hyrule!

Bambi glared at him.

"I knew you were coming, I could feel it..." She turned to Dark and said, "Dark, could you be a dear and give our guest and I a moment alone?"

Blushing, Dark Link murmured, "Of course..." He left the room.

Bambi once more looked at Daphness with as much confidence as she could muster. She had been waiting for this, planning to look more corageous around him...

"So, what brings you here, your _highness_? Come to pry into my thoughts again?" she inquired nastily.

"Ah, there you go, hiding behind a wall of fake confidence as usual... Hm. How pathetic. I know you're scared of me, so why hide it? You were always such a pathetic villainess. You plan things so poorly and hastily," the king said.

"Maybe it seems that way to you, but I have achieved much despite your accusations. Look at the rain." Bambi gestured towards the window. "I have returned weather to Hyrule. It shows that this land that _used _to be yours is becoming normal. Soon it will rise to the surface of the ocean... It is a sign that evil is triumphing over good. Face it, king: Link is losing."

"I don't know what sort of sick fantasy you're living, but Link is _not _going to lose."

"Oh? And how can you be so sure?" Bambi grinned.

"I feel it in my bones. And after I discover your weakness, we will defeat you!" Daphness closed his eyes, and as before, began to read Bambi's mind.

This time was different. He saw, not mere images, but an entire flashback...

_"LEAVE ME ALONE, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS! YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY?" screamed a seemingly normal Bambi. Her eyes were their original silver/grey color, but were flooded with tears. She was...crying?_

_It appeared that she was standing in a house, in a kitchen. She picked up a cup and threw it at someone... Daphness noticed that while her right hand bore the mark of the Triforce of Power, the other one did not have the eye mark as she did now._

_The king tried to see who is was that she had started throwing silverware at. There was a masculine figure standing before her, but he was blurred for some reason or other. Daphness could not tell who he was._

_"I'll go easy on you if you come quietly..." the man said with a chuckle._

_"NO! GO AWAY!" sobbed Bambi, grabbing a plate and chucking it at her attacker._

_The plate made its target, but he did not seem to feel it. The man laughed coldly._

The flashback ended, and were replaced with images, just like before...but these were different pictures, all of them about Bambi herself.

The first one was of a very young Bambi, hardly five years old, walking into a house and discovering the bloodied bodies of a man and a woman; a slightly older Bambi, getting screamed at by a short, balding man; another one of her and another girl running down the streets of Windfall; a brief image of her and the girl from the previous memory getting dragged into a dark room by another girl with dark skin and red hair who wore a cloak... And that was it. Daphness was blocked from seeing any more memories, and opened his eyes to a present-day Bambi, who looked disheveled and was obviously fuming. Daphness guessed she had tried to stop him from seeing her memories without much success.

"What was _that _about?" the king asked.

"HA! Like I'd tell you!" Bambi said wildly, standing up. "You think you're pretty slick, don't you? Well, all you saw were random bits of memory that will serve as no use to you. You will NEVER find out my secret!"

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But still, I have found out more about you than you know. Your life previously was lonely, pitiful, and dysfunctional. In a way, it seems, it still is. But now, it is clear to me that the seemingly innocent, lonely girl that came into this world still rests inside a part of your soul, and prevents you from doing your worse. It weakens you."

"Don't make such crude assumptions! You can't possibly find out things like that from simply and RUDELY prying into my mind!"

"Oh, well, I'm SO sorry!" Daphness snapped nastily.

"Oh, well, you're SO fat!" Bambi mocked angrily in reply. This set Daphness off.

"DAMMIT! I'M NOT FAT, I'M BIG-BONED!" he yelled, pulling a decorative (Or was it?) dagger off the wall and throwing it at Bambi. It planted itself deeply in her forhead. It had most certainly pierced her skull, if not broken through it all the way. A deadly silence followed.

Bambi merely stood there. Then a disgustingly maniacal grin spread across her face, and she yanked the dagger out of her head, showing no sign of pain or shock. Daphness gagged as black blood oozed down her face, flowing fast and plentiful from the hideous wound.

"Thought you could kill me with mortal weapons, did you?" Bambi said with a giggle.

"...Eeeeww!" Daphness squealed. "That's not a normal color for blood!"

Looking strangely victorious, Bambi commanded coolly with a grin, "Now...get out."

Daphness didn't need to be told twice. He disappeared immediately, eager to report his findings to Link and Komali.

Bambi, meanwhile, realized something: things aren't quite so scary once you learn more about them...


	31. Impa

_**Yeah, this chapter kinda sucks... But not too bad of a cliffhanger, no? This ISa cliffhanger at the end, the story's not over. I must announce that HF is now over half-way finished...damn... **_

**_This isn't nessecarily a bad thing though, is it? Wanna know WHY? 'Cause this sequel will have a sequel! Like the ending of the Wind Waker, the next story will come out the day this story ends._**

**_I was originally going to make Bambi's Story the sequel to this, but decided against it. Bambi's Story will be a stand-aside story, and will not be released for quite some time._**

**_You have the right to know what happens after Hidden Fire ends (Bare in mind, this is NOT the last chapter! There's still at least 15-20 more chapters to go...). So you know what? I'm going to tell you. At the end of this chapter you will see a preview for The Legend of Zelda: The Sister -- that's right. The story that comes after Hidden Fire. _**

**_So hurry up and read through this chapter to get to the preview!_**

* * *

_**Impa**_

"Dear goddesses... Please. Kill me. I don't care how you do it, just do it! Make me spontaneously combust or somethin', I dunno..." Link prayed as he kneeled beside the ruins of Lake Hylia, staring up at the darkened sky (It was night).

Komali sighed and approached from behind.

"Link, if you want to die, just use a pocket knife or something. Don't pray, that's queer," he said, pulling out a knife and handing it to Link.

"Thanks, Komali," Link murmured with a nod, accepting the weapon.

"Wait...Komali, where did you get this knife!"

"Ummmm..."

The voice of a newcomer rang out, "Ew, ew, icky, EW!"

Link and Komali turned to see Daphness approaching quickly, shaking his head and looking disgusted. He stopped when he reached the two boys.

"Yo, what's your deal?" Link asked.

"Bambi's blood is black!" Daphness complained.

Komali and Link were silent.

"Umm...so?" Komali finally questioned.

"That's gross! Blood is red, not...BLACK..."

Link snorted and turned away, fingering the knife.

"You think YOU have problems..."

"Look..." said Komali calmly, "Let's just get to our next destination. We can end her and her...um...black...bloodedness for, uh good then... Wait...who are we looking for now?"

"Impa, Sage of Shadows. It won't be much longer until we complete this quest and kill Bambi. After Impa, all that's left is Rauru, Makar, and Medli..." noted Daphness.

"Makar? And MEDLI?" spluttered Link.

"'Fraid so," Daphness acknowledged with a nod.

"Medli..." Komali whispered, the look on his face blank.

Link and the king glanced at Komali for a moment before turning back to eachother.

Link stood up.

"Well...let's get this over with. I'm not even gonna ask how weird she is."

The three set off.

* * *

"I'm tired, I never get a good night's sleep anymore..." Link whined, plodding heavily along Hyrule Field. 

"Oh, shut up," Daphness snapped irritably.

"Yeah, I agree with the king. You know, Link, you're pretty whiney..." Komali commented.

Tears welled up in Link's eyes.

"I'm not whiney!" he squeaked pitifully.

"Look, whatever, just don't cry..." Komali grumbled, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"I'M NOT CRYING!" Link screamed, throwing himself on the ground and sobbing as he whipped out a bag of oreos and started chowing down.

"Oh, for the love of the goddesses! Link, you whiney little dick, I oughta --" Daphness was cut off by Komali, who grabbed Link by the arm, pulled him to his feet, and, turning to Daphness said, "Look, just drop it. Let's get on to another subject...umm... Ah, yes. Daphness, what did you find out during your, uh, little ambush?"

"That Bambi's blood is black..."

"Yeah, yeah, we KNOW! Anything else?" Komali snapped.

"Uuummm...that she previously lived a dysfunctional life..."

"Dammit...nevermind..."

* * *

At last, the trio made it to Kakariko Village. It didn't take them long to find the Sage of Shadows, as she was the only life form in Kakariko, and just so happened to be skipping around buildings and touching them. 

Link and Komali watched, and exchanged glances.

"Umm...Impa! Hello!" called Daphness.

Impa stopped and stared at them for a moment. Then she went over to them.

"Oh, Your Highness! It's been so long!" she gushed, fingering the material on the king's shirt.

"Umm...yes... Yes, it has," the king said with a wary nod, backing away slightly.

"Who are they?" Impa questioned, touching Link's tunic compulsively.

"These are Link and Prince Komali. Listen...you've heard about the danger that looms over us, have you not?"

"I've been made aware, sir. No need to say more -- let's go get that medallion. Follow me," Impa ordered, turning on her heel and heading to a graveyard, touching and prodding various objects on the way. Link and Komali shared more looks.

At last, the group stopped to stand before an open grave.

"We're here. Just jump down," Impa told them.

Komali and Daphness backed up.

Said Link steadily, "Umm...I don't think I want to jump down..."

"Nonsense, just jump down!" Impa replied.

"Ummm...no..." Link said, looking down and shaking his head.

"Just jump down!"

"NO!"

Impa shoved Link down the hole. The boy hero's screams erupted.

"Oh my goddesses, Link!" Komali cried.

Daphness laughed.

"And I got it all on tape!"

"I-is it safe down there...?" Komali called cautiously down the hole.

"...Not exactly," was Link's reply.

Komali seemed hesitant, so Impa did with him as she had done with Link. Daphness shrugged, and climbed down the hole.

Impa, as quietly as she could, placed a large stone slab over the hole to block it. Grinning, she straightened her posture and admired her work.

"Did you do it?" hissed a quiet voice from behind her. Bambi stepped out of the shadows, looking determined. Holding onto her hand was Dark Link.

Impa turned to them, smiled, and bowed.

"It has been done, miss."

* * *

**_THE PREVIEW!_**

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Sister_**

**_Rating: M (Sex, language, drug and alcohol references, the usual...)_**

**_Genres: Romance, angst, action/adventure, humor, mystery_**

**_SUMMARY: Three months after the events of Hidden Fire, Tetra's dreams are haunted by strange, prophetic visions and telepathic messages begging for helpfrom someone unknown. Driven by what these things tell her, the pirate princess leads herself and company to a place kept hidden from the rest of the world, and meets the person sending her the messages: a fellow princess claiming to be her sister._**

**_Link and Tetra discover the truth about their families and parentage, and come to realize that a new evil has risen._**

**_Tetra's "sister" is set up to an arranged marriage with a man who goes by the name of Majora. The mysterious princess attemps to convince everyone that he is up to no good, and when no one believes her, things take a turn for the worse and the entire world is in REAL danger...unless..._**

**_Deep within a sacred library lies a difficult prophecy, one that Link, Tetra, and the sister must decipher. _**

**_Ifthey aresuccessful, the world can be saved. _**

**_If they fail, the world is doomed to eternal hell..._**


	32. Trapped in the Dark

_**Ah, yes. This chapter has that 'Wind Waker feel' to it, does it not? Same kind of zanyness, or whatever that word is. Ppht.**_

**_Anyway, I can tell that almost everyone is ready for Hidden Fire to end. I am too. And it is, sad to say, almost over. I have already started The Sister (it's not out yet, though), and I guarantee that it will be better than Hidden Fire. It's still funny, of course, but there's a lot more action, angst and romance (And some yaoi!). It's sort of a unique mixture of Lord of the Rings, The Prince of Egypt, and the Lost Desert Neopets Plot..._**

**_REVIEW!_**

* * *

_**Trapped in the Dark**_

Link, Komali, and Daphness had been walking for quite a while. At last, Komali turned.

"Hey...Impa? Impa!" he called.

"She's...not here," Link commented.

"Well, there's another fact from Captain Genius..." Daphness mumured sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"I don't remember her coming in with us either..." Komali said steadily.

"Me neither... Come on, guys, let's go back to the entrance," said Daphness, and off they went, only to find it blocked.

Link shrieked and began to vibrate wildly.

"WE'RE LOCKED IN, WE'RE LOCKED IN! WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF OXYGEN! WE'RE GOING TO STARVE AND BE FORCED TO EAT EACHOTHER! AH! I'M NOT GONNA BE THE FIRST EATEN, PLEASE DON'T EAT ME! WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF WATER! I DON'T LIKE BEING DEHYDRATED, I GET HEADACHES! AND WHAT IF A ZOMBIE COMES OUT! WHAT IF IT --" Komali slapped Link, who began to hyperventilate.

Daphness, meanwhile, examined the blockage.

"Hmm...this stone is heavy. This was deliberate. But who...?"

"I bet it was Impa," Komali stated darkly, holding onto Link by the wrists.

"WHY DOES IT FUCKING MATTER? WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF OXYGEN ANYWAY!" cried Link hysterically.

"Link, calm down! We'll get out of here..." Komali murmured soothingly.

"STOP HITTING ON ME!" Link screamed, his eyes wide.

"What? I'm not hitting on you!"

Link started yelling and crying nonstop. But then he got very quiet when Daphness knocked him unconcious with a rock.

"Jeez...I didn't know he was so claustrophobic..." said Komali.

"Oh, who cares... Let's just keep going as we normally would. We just need the medallion, right? We don't really need Impa all that much..." Daphness grumbled. Komali shrugged half-heartedly, and dragging Link by the ankles, followed the king as he set forth through the temple.

"Stop!" squeaked a voice a few rooms from the starting point.

"Huh? Who said that?" Daphness demanded.

"I did!" piped the voice, and a Keese appeared.

"What the fuck? A talking _bat_?" Komali snorted.

"'Aye! I ain't no bat, bitch!" the Keese snapped at the Rito prince.

"You sure look like a bat to me..." Komali retorted.

The Keese whipped out a pistol.

"I SAID...I AIN'T...NO...BAT!" he loudly warned. Komali fell silent.

Daphness rolled his eyes.

"Look, what do you want? We're trying to get a medallion here, ya know."

"There are many dangers in this temple. You'll probably get killed. Like that guy." The Keese looked at Link.

"Oh, he's not dead, he's claustrophobic," Komali said.

"Claustrophobic, dead, there's little difference these days..."

"Ok, whatever... Look...what do you mean when you say we'll get killed? We've triumphed over a lot, you know. This should be nothing," Daphness told the Keese confidently.

"The army of the dead lies a few rooms beyond. You'll wake them, and they'll be pretty pissed," the Keese replied.

"Look, we're not afraid of some zombies, ok?" Komali said impatiently.

"Zombies? Zombies are the least of your troubles! After them, you will face the bones of the dead."

"Skeletons are lame... We can take 'em," said Daphness.

"But there's more! Beyond _them_, you will come across those too horrible to name..." hissed the Keese.

"Huh? Who?" Komali asked.

"Well, they're too horrible to name! That means I'm not going to tell you, right?"

"DUH, Komali..." snorted Daphness.

"And lastly, you will encounter the boss. I suggest you turn back now -- it's dangerous." The Keese flew away.

"HEY! BUT WE'RE LOCKED IN!" Komali shouted.

"Jeez, Komali...when Link's unconcious, do you have to make up for _his _stupidity or something?"

As if on cue, Link woke up.

"Ugh...why does my head hurt...and...where are we?" he moaned.

"Oh, we're just stuck inside a tomb and are slowly running out of oxygen," Daphness said.

"MOTHER FUCKER! AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, vomiting and wetting himself at the same time.

"And you say _I'm _stupid!" Komali yelled over Link's cries.

"Well, there aren't any rocks around... Let's just keep going..." the king sighed, and off they went again, Link clinging to Komali's legs.

After quite a hike, the small group reached a dank room, more eerie than the others.

"I-is it just me or does there seem to b...be l-less air in...here?" Link stuttered hoarsely.

Komali sighed. "Relax, Link, it's all in your head..."

"IT'S NOT, IS IT? YOU'RE JUST LYING TO ME, TELLING ME THAT IT'S NOT HAPPENING SO I DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S REALLY HAPPENING! I CAN FEEL IT! OOOOOHHHH, YES, I CAN FEEL IT! WE ARE SLOWLY BREATHING UP THE LAST OF THE AIR IN HERE... STOP BREATHING MY AIR!"

"Link, you're paranoid! Quit it!" Komali barked.

_"Both of you be quiet! Do you want to wake something up?" _Daphness hissed. Suddenly, zombie-ish moans erupted, and the undead began to climb out of the floor.

"Oh, you did it now, Daphness...you did it now..." Komali gasped, shaking his head and backing away.

"I am assuming these are the zombies that that bat thing was talking about..." Daphness said, nervously wiping sweat from his brow.

Link let out a strange noise that seemed to be a mixture of a scream and a squeak. He shuddered.

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD COME! AND YOU KNOW WHAT! THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME! THEY'RE ALL OUT TO GET ME! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE SO LITTLE OXYGEN! THEY'VE BEEN THE ONES BREATHING THE AIR, ALONG WITH YOU TWO! IT'S A CONSPIRACY, RIGHT? YOU'VE ALL BEEN PLOTTING THIS BEHIND MY BACK, HAVEN'T YOU? YOU GOT TOGETHER AND DECIDED THAT YOU'D ALL WORK TOGETHER TO BREATHE MY AIR SO I WOULD SUFFOCATE TO DEATH! I'M ALREADY FEELING LIGHT-HEADED! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! I'M GONNA DIE!"

"STOP IT, LINK! WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE, AND WE ARE _NOT _RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN!" bellowed an irritated Daphness.

The zombies began to approach.

"THEY'RE COMING!" Link wailed, backing into a zombie-less corner.

"We're just gonna have to do this ourselves, Komali," sighed the king, shaking his head.

"Let's take these bitches down!" cried Komali. Prince and king lept into the fray.

"Take THIS! And THIS!" panted Komali, karate chopping another zombie and backing away from another one.

"Our attacks have no affect, Komali! Whenever you chop off one part, it regrows itself!" Daphness complained.

"Dammit! What are we gonna do!"

"There's only one thing left we can do, Komali."

"What's that, king?"

"We'll just have to fuck them to death!" the king announced.

"Umm...what?" Komali said.

"Shut the fuck up and take your clothes off! We have work to do!"

The pair did just that.

Komali jammed his cock in the ass crack of one zombie and began to pound it. It exploded.

"Woah! It works!"

"OF COURSE IT DOES! KEEP FUCKING!"

So Daphness and Komali fucked and fucked and fucked until there was icky zombie goo all over the place. The two panted as they pulled their clothes back on.

"No...NO! STOP PANTING! STOP IT NOW!" Link screeched.

"Shut up, Link..." Komali grumbled, dragging Link to the next room.

The next room had the same feel as the previous one.

"There are more air-breathers here...there are...there are..." wheezed Link, shaking like mad.

And of course, skeletons began popping out of the floor.

"Well, that's a surprise," snorted Daphness. "I really didn't expect that."

"What I wonder is, how do they stay together without muscle tendons or fatty tissue and stuff?" Komali thought out loud.

All the skeletons immediately fell apart. Prince Komali and Daphness Nohansen Hyrule dragged Link to the final room of trial.

The room was mostly dark aside from two torches near the entrance, and the door slammed shut behind them. Link began to scream like hell; Komali covered his mouth.

Beady red eyes began to glow everywhere. Then, Daphness had to stifle a scream when the owners of the eyes hopped into the light of the torches.

The room was covered in furry white bunnies.

"Oh...oh...oh, goddesses..." Komali stuttered, his eyes wide.

With loud hisses in unison, the bunnies lunged for the king's and prince's throats.

"KOMALI, SHIELD YOUR NECK! GAAAH!" Daphness covered his neck. Luckily, the bunnies only knocked him on his back.

"DAPHNESS! DAPHNESS, ARE YOU OK?" screamed Komali, clutching his neck protectively.

"I'M FINE, BUT...BUT THEY'VE GOT ME PINNED TO THE GROUND! THEY'RE STRONG, KOMALI, REALLY STRONG! YOU'LL HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE!"

"But king! I...I need you!"

"You must do it yourself, my child! Use the force!"

Komali knew he had a job to do.

"HYAAAA!" the prince screamed, stepping on a bunny and crushing it to death. Another flew into the air and headed straight for his head, but he karate-chopped it in half. Komali kicked another against the wall, and it exploded.

At last, Komali freed Daphness of his bunny prison. Together, they killed off the last of the heinous big-eared creatures.

Panting, Daphness and Komali looked towards Link, who was staring back at them with wide eyes. All was silent.

Finally, Link stuttered, "D-does anyone else feel the oxygen running out?"

At long last, the two nobles turned the key in the keyhole of the boss room and stepped inside, Link clinging to their heels. They shut the door behind them.

"Woah!" Komali jumped out of the way as a ninja star flew from the darkness at the far end of the room and nearly embedded itself in his skull.

"Hahaha... You were just lucky. But now you face REAL peril..." said a female voice.

It was not Tetra's, nor was it Bambi's. But...whose was it?


	33. Recovery of the Master Sword

_**HIDDEN FIRE WILL BE DONE NEXT WEEK! I WOULD FINISH IT THIS WEEKEND, BUT I WILL BE AWAY, SO IT WILL END NEXT WEEK!**_

**_WE ARE JUST ABOUT TO ENTER THE CLIMAX OF THE STORY! THE CLIMAX IS NOT THE NEXT CHAPTER, BUT THE FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS AFTER THAT! IT TOTALLY HAS A SHIT-YOUR-PANTS ENDING! YOU'LL LOVE IT!_**

**_...I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M TYPE-SCREAMING! JUST REVIEW!_**

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_**Recovery of the Master Sword**_

Impa stepped out of the darkness.

"I knew it was you... You locked us in, didn't you? How could you betray us like that?" cried Daphness.

"A little birdy told me that the dark side would be much more rewarding than the light side... And that birdy was right. I now get discounts on evil weapons and stuff! You can't beat that!" Impa said.

"So what are you gonna do now? Kill me? Kill all of us!" spat the king.

"Why, yes. Yes, I shall." Impa drew a long sword.

"Hey! But we are without weapons!" said Komali, not remembering Tetra's dagger.

"Oh well!" Impa sneered and ran at Komali. She knocked him unconcious.

"Komali, NOOOOOO!" screamed the king.

"STOP YELLING, IT TAKES UP MORE AIR!" snapped Link, huddled in the corner.

Impa smiled slyly and smoothly approached Link. She cupped his face and looked into his frightened blue eyes.

"Oh, my dear boy! Is this scary?" she asked.

Link whimpered and nodded.

"Do you want me to leave you alone and let you have that silly willy little medallion?"

Link nodded again. Daphness watched, fists clenched, ready to hit Impa. Yet, his caution held him back. She was armed -- he was not.

"You poor, poor thing..." Impa cooed, hugging Link to tightly he couldn't breathe.

"S-SUFFOCATION..." he choked out.

"You don't have to worry about breathing, child. In mere moments, you will not breathe at all!"

"Huh?" Link gasped.

Impa quickly put the sharp side of her sword against Link's neck. She did not cut him -- she merely rested the blade there.

"Say your prayers, you fuckin' claustrophobic..."

Though Link had been panicking, he still had a small spark of sense in him. Whipping out Tetra's dagger, he got Impa off guard and stabbed her in the neck.

Impa screamed and fell to the floor, twitching and spitting up blood.

"Jeez, just die already!" Daphness snapped, taking the dagger from Link and stabbing Impa over and over and over and over again.

Impa continued dying, but not actually being dead.

"DAMMIT!" growled the king. He stabbed her one last time. She finally died.

"Crap...how long does it take for someone to fucking die?" he mumbled to himself.

Then the Shadow Medallion and a cyclone appeared.

"A-air...AIR!" Link gasped, pointing to the cyclone.

Daphness sighed.

"Yes, asshole. Air." The king grabbed the medallion and pocketed it. Then, seizing the unconcious Komali and the wildly hyperventilating Link, he stepped into it.

* * *

The trio landed in a temple.

Daphness looked around and sighed.

"Oh...the Temple of Time... How long it has been..."

Link took small glances around, but was mostly focusing on taking in gasps of air.

"You know, Link, we were never running out of oxygen to begin with..."

"LIAR!" Link panted. "Well...at least we can breathe easy now... We are in less danger. Well, I'M in less danger. Screw you."

The king opened his mouth to say something, but was silenced by a new voice.

"Greetings... I have been expecting you. I have watched your quest. I might also add that it is a pleasure to meet with you once again, Your Highness..."

Link and Daphness looked to see a fat old man who highly resembled a monk.

"Rauru! Is that you?" Daphness gasped.

"Aye, it's me."

The two men embraced eachother. Link laughed.

"Ahhahahahahaha...queers..."

Rauru slapped Link.

"Ow..."

"Back in our day, you would be beaten with a hot frying pan and a chainsaw for showing such disrespect to your elders!" said the man.

"Lay off, you stupid asshole!" snapped Link.

"Link, do you know who you're talking to?" Daphness asked.

Link thought for a moment.

"Ye -- wait...wait...no."

"This is Rauru, Sage of Light! He is like...the big boss of the sages."

Raura bowed his head.

"Indeed, I am.

"Listen...I must apologize for Impa's outrageous behavior. Honestly, it's a crying shame. She was the most mature of all the sages (aside from my awesome self) at one point. Greed consumed her..." Raura said sadly.

"Yeah, but she's dead now, so don't worry. We killed her pretty fucking well. I'm almost certain she's dead," Link piped.

"Shut up, Link..." grumbled Daphness.

"I bestow upon you this Light Medallion. It is but one of four more that you need."

Link accepted it.

"What about the other three?" he asked.

"Ah, yes, the Wind, Earth, and Spirit medallions... Do not worry. I have that taken care of." Raura turned to look behind him.

"Come on out, you three," he said.

Link and Daphness exchanged confused looks, but those quickly vanished as Makar, Medli, and a Gerudo woman stepped out of a room at the back of the temple. At that moment, Komali woke up.

"Ow...what happened...?"

Then he spotted Medli.

"You...still happily involved with Link's grandmother?" he sneered.

"Yes, thank you," replied the Earth Sage coldly as she and Makar strode up to them.

Link blinked stupidly.

"Here you go, Link. Here's to old times, and..." Medli sighed. "Good luck with the final battle..." She handed him the Earth Medallion.

"Take it, stupid," snapped Makar, chucking it at Link's head.

"OW! FUCKING TURNIP!" Link was about to kick the Korok, but Medli stopped him. Link grumbled and picked up the medallion.

Link turned to the Gerudo woman.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The woman glared at him.

"My name is Nabooru, and I am the Sage of Spirit. Rauru rescued me before Bambi could get to me. Saria and Darunia have both been abducted by her. Anyway, here..." Nabooru handed him the Spirit Medallion.

"Now set all the medallions on the ground before you," commanded Raura. Link, Daphness and Komali obeyed.

All the medallions began to shake and glow, and then they came together to form a ball of light. The ball of light floated into the air, and zoomed at Link. He gasped as it went inside his chest. Then everything got quiet, and he felt normal once more.

"Our power is now with you," said Rauru.

Suddenly, Saria and Darunia appeared on either side of Raura.

"Oh! We have been freed! The combined powers of the medallions have set us free of Bambi's clutches. Thank you!" exclaimed Saria.

"Saria!" Komali cried.

"Komali!" Saria gasped. The two embraced and started making out. Medli glared, and Darunia stared blankly at the wall. The kissing lasted until Nabooru sprayed them with a hose that came out of nowhere.

"Well...this is all...um, nice..." Link said. "But what the hell do I do now?"

"We shall escort you to the Master Sword. You shall pull it, and once again, you shall be the blade's wielder," said Nabooru.

"What about after that? Do I get to kick Bambi's ass?"

"You have one more trial left to face before that happens," said Rauru.

"And that would be...?"

"You must face your dark self," Nabooru stated.

"What the fuck does THAT mean?" Link snorted.

Saria's features darkened.

"You must thwart Dark Link... He is your dark self. And he's an asshole."

"There's a Dark Link?"

"Yes, and not only is he an asshole...he's...he's...a virgin..." whispered Saria. Everyone in the room gasped.

"O-oh my goddesses..." Link gasped. He puked all over the floor.

"A virgin... THAT'S JUST SICK!" spat Komali.

Saria's eyes were filled with tears.

"I know...I...didn't think I'd survive all that time I was captured... I mean...w-with there being a virgin on the loose an' all..." She began to cry. Komali hugged her.

"I-it'll be alright..." he cooed.

"We must hurry to the Master Sword! Link, you must draw it and put an end to this virgin menace and his mistress!" declared Makar.

The sages quickly teleported themselves and the group to the old battleground where Link had defeated Ganondorf.

It brought back so many memories for the boy hero... He remembered the Spice Girls music, Ganondorf, defeating him with Zelda/Tetra/whatever... A bell rung in his mind.

Link spun to face the sages.

"Wait...what about Tetra and Aryll!" he demanded.

"The gods have told me almost nothing on that matter. All they have said is that Zelda will be free of her prison once you lay waste to the virgin. Only with the aid of Princess Zelda can you defeat Bambi. Your sister will remain in Bambi's clutches untill you kill her butch ass," said Rauru. "But nevermind that now; play it by ear. Go and pull the Master Sword from the skull of the stone." The sage nodded to the rockish Ganondorf.

Link drew a deep breath, nodded, and marched up to the deceased foe. He climbed to the top, and yanked the Master Sword from its resting place. The blade warmed the palms of his hands with the force of light and good or whatever.

"Excellent. Now we shall send you to the place where you shall meet that fucking virgin, Dark Link. Be wary -- he and Bambi have prepared for this. Rescue your woman, and then go to face Bambi to rescue your sister and save the world.

However, you must face Dark Link alone. We will allow Komali and Daphness Nohansen Hyrule to join you after you have defeated him. That is, if he doesen't kill you..." said Nabooru.

"What?" Link gasped.

"Umm, nothing! Good-bye now!" The sages sent Link teleporting away.


	34. Believing in Love

_**THE STORY CLIMAX STARTS NEXT CHAPTER, SO REVIEW!**_

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_**Believing in Love**_

"ACK!" Link found himself teleported into a strange area. He landed hard on his feet.

It appeared that he was in a vast swampy place. White fog was everywhere, thick and heavy, so that most of his vision was just white mist. The floor was buried beneath a blanket of calf-high water. The area was strange, creepy...totally unnerving.

"H-hello? Is anyone here?" Link called cautiously. The only reply was the sound of his own echo. Slowly, carefully, Link began to wade forward through the water.

He saw something up ahead, and quickened his pace. It was a large, stone block with the symbol of the Triforce carved into it.

"Huh? What the fuck?" he murmured to himself. Link looked around, but saw nothing else. He turned to go back, but nearly shit is pants when he saw that he was not alone.

A few yards away, staring back at him like his own reflection, stood a boy that looked nearly just like him. There were a few major differences, of course -- this strange being's tunic was black, as was his hair. His eyes were bright red.

_Dark Link... _Link thought immediately.

"Well, well, well. You must think you're pretty hot shit to have come this far, no?" said Dark.

Link drew the Master Sword.

"I'm warning you, virgin...stay back..." he hissed, pointing it at his dark self. Dark chuckled and moved closer.

"You know, you're really funny..." he snorted.

"HEY! Are you fucking deaf? I said STAY BACK!" Link screeched.

"Make me," simpered Dark, shoving Link down into the water.

Link quickly got up. He looked at his back, and tears filled his eyes.

"You made my bum all wet..."

Link screamed as Dark roughly grabbed his hair and jerked his head to face him. Red eyes burned into blue with ferocity.

"Want me to make it wetter!" he snapped.

Link then realized how close their faces were.

"Oh, goddesses... This isn't gonna be another Link/Dark Link yaoi, is it?"

Dark rolled his eyes.

"No, stupid. I'm not gay."

"Yeah, but you're a virgin..."

"That doesen't make me gay!"

"Yeah, but it makes you a virgin!" Link insisted.

"How does being a virgin make me a virgin?" Dark Link asked.

"Why don't YOU figure it out, sissy pants!" retorted Link, slapping Dark. Dark slapped Link back.

"My therapist told me it's ok to be a virgin!" Dark exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, your therapist lied," snorted Link. "Now let go of my hair! Your icky virgin hands are giving it split ends!"

Dark shoved Link back into the water and strode over to the large stone block. He stopped and leaned against it.

"All your whining gives me ear aches. How infantile can you get? You're selfish and stupid. It is sheer luck that you got as far as you did. Bambi and I watched you freak out in the Shadow Temple, and we shared a good laugh. But what amazes me most is that there is a girl who is madly in love with you."

"Who...? Oh, yeah...wait...Tetra's MADLY in love with me?" Link asked. Then he remembered that he was supposed to save her here...

"Tetra...I'm supposed to save her during my meeting with you! What have you done with her!"

"I was hoping you'd ask. Alas, I cannot answer that without going over a few things first...

At Bambi's lair, Tetra would constantly moan, gripe and complain. One of the things she worried and dwelled upon most was the thought that you didn't love her anymore. She wasn't sure if you ever did. Judging by the things she spoke of, it sounds to me as though you don't...hmm."

"Hey! Don't go around saying stuff like that!" Link barked.

"SHUT UP."

Link got quiet.

"Anyway... I came to her, and told her that we would find out... And you know what? We are about to."

Dark carressed the large block. It glowed, and then pieces of it began to fall away. There, looking blank and zombie-like as she stood motionless, was Tetra.

"Tetra!" Link gasped.

He noticed a strange golden band baring the eye mark around her neck...

Dark wrapped an arm around Tetra's waist.

"Get your hands off her! That's MY property!" Link cried.

"You'll have to get through her to get through me. If you don't really love her, then both of you are destined to die this day. If you do win (which I doubt you will), then her curse will be lifted, and both of you will be spared. Now...let the battle commence..." Dark smirked and snapped his fingers. An evil fire lit up Tetra eyes. She drew a brand spankin' new katana, and ran at Link.

Link lifted the Master Sword and blocked her attack. He pushed her back. Tetra ran at him against, but he leapt out of the way. The pirate made a sharp turn and stabbed at Link. Luckily, all she did was leave a tear in his clothing. Dark laughed quietly and observed.

Link trotted backwards quickly. Tetra swerved left and rushed at him from the side. Link stumbled and fell. Tetra tried to bury the katana in his forhead, but Link rolled out of the way.

_I love her! I love her! Right! _Link thought, his mind racing with panic. He was jerked from the depths of his mind as the hot pain of his girlfriend's weapon seared through his cheek. She had made a small cut on the side of his face.

"TETRA! SNAP OUT OF IT! IF YOU DON'T, WE'LL DIE!" Link screamed. Tetra glared hard at him and thrusted at his stomach, but Link blocked.

"It's no use trying to talk her out of it, Link! The hypnosis is sealed upon her!" Dark called.

_The hypnosis is sealed on her..._

_Sealed..._

Link's eyes traveled to the strange band around her neck. If he could get it off...

He made a grab for it with his left hand, but Tetra kicked him with tremendous force, sending him back and knocking the wind out of him.

"Oh, the band? What clever thinking. But if you take the band off and aren't in love with Tetra, it will kill her!" sneered Dark.

Fury and annoyance burned Link's insides. Dark Link was REALLY pissing him off...

With a groan, Link began to sit up, but gasped as Tetra's fist made contact with the side of his head. Despite his pain, Link scooted back quickly and stumbled to his feet.

His best bet was to keep trying to pull the band off... It was risky, and potentially deadly business, but there was no other way that he saw fit.

As he fought, Link's mind continued to bubble with "I love her" and "I love her not"'s. Their lives depended on their love now, but he wasn't sure if he did feel that way about her... Was their relationship emotional, or was it just really, REALLY good sex?

Link reached for the necklace again, but his arm was cut deeply by the katana. He gasped in pain, but managed to block another attack with the Master Sword.

Link grabbed the necklace again, and his blood ran cold with shock as he realized that he had grasped it. Time seemed to go in slow motion as her jerked it from his lover's neck... Then it was off.

Tetra's eyes flashed. The katana dropped from her hand. She swayed, stumbled...and fell. She lay motionless.

Link gasped, and let the Master Sword fall to the floor as he knelt beside her lifeless body.

"Tetra, no! Oh, fuck! I killed her!"

Dark laughed heartily and approached.

"I was right then, now wasn't I? Well...one down, one to go..." He drew a sword, and prepared to send the point straight into the back of Link's neck, when surprise stopped him. He was not the only one to notice that something strange was beginning to happen -- Link did, too.

Tetra's body began to glow with light. It enveloped her, and slowly lifted her into the air. The light was wrapped around her so thickly and tightly that she looked to be nothing more than a figure of gold. When she was high above Link and his dark self, humongous rays of blinding light began to shoot from her. Dark yelped, darted back, and shielded his face. Link shut his eyes and covered them with his arms.

The light began to die down, and both boys opened their eyes. Link gasped.

It was not Tetra who was floating down toward him, but Princess Zelda... Or Tetra in Princess Zelda form. Whatever. We shall refer to her as Zelda in her Zelda form.

Zelda landed in Link's arms and smiled up at him.

"You broke my curse, Link!" she exclaimed.

Dark shook angrily.

"Nooooo...NOOOO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! DIE!" he screamed.

Zelda pushed past Link to get a clear view of Dark Link. She glared at him angrily.

"Wow...I really DO love her then!" Link muttered to himself.

"You foul, disgusting wad of crap! It's time for you to get what you deserve, you stupid virgin!" Zelda declared.

"Link! Pick up that fucking Master Sword, 'cause we're gonna strike him down!"

Link was jerked from his thoughts.

"Uuuuhhhh, yes, ma'am!" he squeaked, scrambling to pick up his blade.

"I won't be killed THAT easily!" scoffed Dark.

Zelda shook her head.

"I beg to differ," she said with a chuckle. The princess strode over to Link, and stopped to stand behind him. She reached her arms out in front of him, and grasped his hands so that Link held the Master Sword, and she held him.

"Link, focus! If we combine the powers of our Triforce pieces, we can create a force strong enough to defeat him..."

"What do I focus on?" Link asked.

"You have the power of the Triforce of Courage! What do you THINK you're supposed to focus on!"

"Uuummm..."

The word "ham" crossed Link's mind. He was about to say it out loud when Zelda bellowed, "COURAGE!"

"Right," Link said hastily as he began to focus on courage.

Dark began to rush at them, sword raised, but he screamed and was flung back as a large blue beam flew from the tip of the Master Sword and made impact with his front.

"Uhhnnn..." Dark moaned as he landed on his back in the water many feet away. Link and Zelda approached him.

"You are a fool, Dark Link. And you're a virgin. Such things cannot be tolerated," said Zelda. She turned to Link.

"Link, finish the job."

Dark's eyes widened as Link stabbed him in the heart with his sacred blade.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark exploded.

"He was askin' for it..." Link snorted.

"I'm finally free...! Oh, Link, I wondered if you loved me while I was a prisoner... But now I know you do."

"I wasn't sure if I did either, but I guess I do. I love you, Tetra...or Zelda...person..." said Link.

"Oh, Link! Make love to me this instant!" Zelda exclaimed, dragging him to the wet ground. And make love they did.

* * *

After who-knows-how-long of making love (and it was still going!), Link was aware of something small and warm hitting him in the arm.

"What the...?" Link looked to see a fairy bumping into his arm continuosly.

"Hey, Tetra...er...Zelda...! Look at this here fairy! I think it's mentally retarted or something."

Zelda took her head away from Link's dick to look at the tiny creature that kept smashing into her boyfriend arm.

"Link, it could be trying to get our attention... Let's get dressed, we're done anyway. Both of us orgasmed a long time ago," she said. Reluctantly, Link obeyed. They both got dressed.

Seeing that they were both ready to get moving, the fairy slowly began to fly into the mist. Link and Zelda followed.

After walking for a short period of time, the fairy stopped and bounced around a large chest. Link opened it and found Light Arrows.

"Whoop-dee-do..." he grumbled.

"Link, this could be a sign that we'll need these..." Zelda said.

"Yeah. SURE..."

"Well, if you don't want them, give them to me!" Zelda snatched them from her boyfriend's hands.

"We don't have a bow, so what's the use?" Link asked.

"Let's just play it by ear, ok?" sighed Zelda as the fairy started moving again. They followed it once more.

As they walked, something lit up in Link's mind. He took Zelda/Tetra/Whatever's dagger from his usual hiding spot, which would be, ummm...you know where, if you read The Wind Waker... He handed it to her.

"Well...thanks for letting me use it..." he said.

Zelda accepted it with a small smile. She kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks. I'll have to fuck you again once we beat Bambi."

The two joined hands.

"How are we going to get to, uh...wherever it is she stays?" Link asked.

"Oh, don't worry. I found out a lot while I was with her. I know the way," Zelda assured him.

At last, the fairy lead them to a door.

"Thanks, fairy," said Zelda, whipping out a jar and capturing the fairy.

"Where did you get that jar?" asked Link.

"Uuuummm...nowhere?"

"And don't you need to poke air holes in the lid?"

"Uuummm... Whatever!" Zelda said hastily, opening the door. They stepped out into the fresh, clear Hyrule Field. The door from which they had come shut behind them, and disappeared slowly, leaving not a trace to show that they had actually been in the mysterious battle field...

"Guys! Guys!" panted a voice. Link and Zelda turned to see Komali and Daphness running toward them. Komali was the one who had spoke.

"You did it, Link!" exclaimed the prince.

"Duh. I did it 'cause I'm awesome," stated Link.

"Look, this is very nice and all, but let us get to the important... Did you slay the virgin?" asked Daphness seriously. Link and Zelda nodded.

"We also got these Light Arrows," added the princess, showing them to the king.

"Hide them. We don't want Bambi to see them," said Daphness. Zelda hid them in her dress.

"Are we really gonna finish the mission?" Komali asked. The king nodded.

"I know the way there. Follow me! It's time to finish this once and for all!" Zelda exclaimed, racing off. Link, Daphness, and Komali bounded after her.

* * *

Bambi cracked her knuckles angrily as she glared at her crystal ball, watching her enemies head for her lair.

"This was NOT supposed to happen... Oh, how Dark failed miserably! He was supposed to kill them!" She angrily pushed the crystal ball to the floor. It shattered.

Bambi took a deep breath to calm herself.

"No matter... I'll just have to take care of them myself then." Bambi grabbed her twin swords, and stared at the shattered pieces of crystal on the floor. She smirked to herself.

"I will be waiting for you, Link... The victor of the coming battle WILL be me!"


	35. The Beginning of Fate

_**The next chapter will be out tomorrow. I would've put more chapters out today, but I was really busy... So review. The story will end the day after tomorrow, 'cause I have to work tomorrow (Well, it's not exactly work...it's volunteer stuff), and I'm going to see the new Harry Potter movie with friends.**_

**_REVIEW_**

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_**The Beginning of Fate**_

_And I'll stay alive_

_Just to follow you home_

_And I will survive_

_'Cause you're my Mississippi princess_

_You're my California queen_

_Like the duchess of Detroit_

_And every city in between_

_You can slap me in the face_

_And you can scream profanity_

_Leave me here to die alone_

_But I'll still follow you home_

_('Follow You Home' by Nickelback)_

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"Here it is..." said Zelda quietly, stopping to stand before a humongous, bleak tower made of black stone.

"Well now, isn't it gorgeous?" snorted Link sarcastically.

"Link...Zelda...Komali..." started Daphness. The three kids turned to look at him.

"I am fated to leave you to finish this battle alone. It is destiny that you proceed without my help..." he said.

"Oh, cut the crap, king..." said Komali.

"Oh, fine, a marathon of _Roseanne _is on. So see ya." Daphness disappeared.

"Hey! Wait!" Zelda cried.

"ASSHOLE!" Link shouted.

"Screw him..." sighed Komali.

Zelda turned her face to the large, ominous stone tower.

"Forget about him. Let's just go..." she said.

Solemnly and silently, the trio walked up the path, and pushed open the large oak doors...

* * *

They entered the entry hall. It was large and echoey, with dismal gray walls and floors.

"Come on out, Bambi! We're ready to take you DOWN!" Link called.

"Down to Chinatown!" Komali added. Zelda slapped him.

_"The basement...to the basement..." _hissed an eerie, ghosty voice. Link wet his pants, and without hesitation, he, Zelda, and Komali scrambled around to find the basement. At last, Zelda discovered a door containing steps leading down... So, down went the three.

* * *

Link, Komali, and Zelda found themselves in the basement, though it- did not look at all like a basement. Actually, it looked almost just like the place where Link and Zelda had fought Ganondorf. A most wonderful voice shattered the silence.

"Big brother! Big brother!" cried Aryll from a cage hovering high in the air.

"ARYLL! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THAT CAGE!" Link screamed.

Aryll giggled.

"Bambi says I'm a birdy, so I have to stay in the cage!"

"You're not a bird, dufus! Bambi lied to you! You're a prisoner! Now don't worry, we're gonna save you from that sick-headed bitch!" Link said.

"Sick-headed bitch, eh?" said a cold, silky voice. Link, Komali, Zelda, and Aryll turned to see Bambi standing at the far northwest area of the vast, circular room.

"Bambi..." Zelda whispered.

"We've come to defeat you once and for all! Prepare to fight!" exclaimed Komali.

"I apologize deeply, my friends, I truly do, but I must say that I will only fight one of you." Bambi's red eyes fastened on Link.

"Like we're gonna let him fight you alone!" snapped Zelda.

"You're going to let me know matter what!" Bambi announced. She clapped her hands -- and suddenly, Komali and Zelda found themselves in their very own cages. Prisons and prisoners floated into the air to join Aryll.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Zelda screamed, tugging at the bars.

"Oh, I can't, can I? Then how come I just did?" Bambi asked with a smirk.

"Let us out!" Komali whined.

"Ha. Make me."

"Hey, you guys are birdies too!" said Aryll happily.

"Honestly, Aryll, if I had a rock..." growled Zelda, teeth gritted.

"Shut up, all of you," Bambi said. Silence fell.

Bambi turned to look at Link once more.

"I watched you. I saw almost everything you did..." she hissed.

"Oh my goddesses, did you see it when I --"

"SHUT UP."

Link got very quiet.

"You completely stumbled through your quest for the medallions. You didn't even do much -- your little gang did most of the work for you, yet you still have a reputation as a 'hero'..."

"Well, not exactly..." said Komali. Bambi turned her eyes, now full of fire, on the Rito prince.

"DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK?" she bellowed.

"...No, ma'am..." Komali squeaked.

Bambi shook her head and turned to Link once more.

"I wondered why you couldn't be killed, for you really are too clueless. Ah, I've had enough of you... By coming to face me, you've gotten yourself cornered..." Link's eyes widened as she drew her twin swords. Hastily, he drew the Master Sword, his heart pounding.

"I'll tell you what. We'll make this a fair fight... I will use no magic," said Bambi. "I don't think I'll really need to, anyway. You're going to die no matter what I do. Hahahahaha..."

And with those words, Bambi lunged at Link with amazing speed.

Link screamed and fell back, having been caught by surprise. Bambi leapt on top of him, and began slicing away with her swords. Link tried to block, and was rather successful, but he did not avoid getting some pretty deep wounds. At last, he managed to wriggle out from underneath Bambi.

Link wobbly rose to his feet, and moved swiftly backward to ready himself. Bambi raced for him once more, but Link blocked, causing their weapons to clash.

Having the advantage of twin swords, Bambi made one sword continue to press against the Master Sword, while she used the other to stab him in the leg. Link gasped with shock and pain, and stumbled. Zelda and Aryll screamed.

It was obvious that Link was losing, which was frightening, as the battle had begun less than five minutes ago. Zelda knew she had to step in. She focused on wisdom, but her Triforce powers did not come to her aid. The cage was enchanted, and prevented such magic. She would have to try to break free, to pick the lock some way or another...

Very battered now, Link weakly slid away from Bambi again, and tried to ready his defensive methods, but it was hard to focus, as he was feeling light-headed. Link looked in his opponent;s direction, and was confused to discover that she had disappeared.

He then came to realize her new location when he felt a blow from a fist make impact with the side of his head. Link came close to falling, but managed to weakly maintain his balance. He made to stab Bambi with his sword, but in moment, she bowled him over. Severely wounded and in need of stitches and all that crap, Link had finally come to the point where he could not get up. Triumphantly, Bambi placed a foot on his chest and pointed one of her swords at him.

"Hahaha...that was too easy. Let me end your misery."

Link shut his eyes tightly, waiting for his end, but...it did not come.

Zelda had escaped her cage, and had snuck up behind Bambi. She roughly grabbed the villainess by the hair and yanked her away from Link. Bambi, totally caught off-guard, screamed.

Zelda placed her right arm around Bambi's neck and squeezed, cutting off the girl's air. Bambi, still under shock, merely sputtered fearfully and scratched Zelda's arms with her nails.

Zelda's other hand tightly held a Light Arrow. Angrily, she used the single arrow to make a deep gash in Bambi's stomach. It was deep enough for concern, but nowhere near deep enough to kill. Zelda released Bambi, who fell to the ground with a gasp. The princess kneeled beside Link worriedly.

"Link! Link, are you ok!" she cried.

"Ummm...NO!" Link snapped, wincing.

"Big brother!" Aryll screamed from her cage. Komali looked on fearfully.

Zelda wildly checked over Link's wounds.

"Oh, these are bad..." she whispered. "Link -- Link?"

Hyrule's princess noticed that her lover's eyes had grown wide. He pointed a shaky finger at something behind Zelda. She turned to see what had caused him such fright.

"Uuuuhhhh...ooohhh..." Bambi moaned, her face tight with pain. She gently touched the wound on her stomach, and stared at the black blood on her fingers. The black blood was flowing rapidly from the wound, and there was much more of it than seemed normal.

"It was just a Light Arrow, jeez...that can't kill anyone..." Zelda murmured.

But she did not know that Bambi was far from dying. Zelda had caused something quite horrible, actually, though at the moment, she was not sure what she had done.

Bambi's eyes flashed from silver to red, silver to red; slowly at first, but then the switching quickened.

"Aaaagggghhhh..." she choked. Along with the discolored blood came black smoke.

"W-what's happening...?" Komali squeaked from his cage.


	36. Her Blood Runs Black

_**Don't be afraid, take a wild guess as to who makes a little appearance at the end of the chapter. Go with your best instinct -- I didn't make him up, you know. Come on, it's not THAT hard! Minish Cap fans know who this guy is!**_

**_REVIEW_**

**_All will be explained next chapter. I must say, though... I FOOLED YOU! THE BIG SECRET OF THE STORY WILL BE TALKED ABOUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, AND NONE OF FIGURED IT OUT, EVEN AFTER I DROPPED SO MANY CLUES! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! XP _**

**_Well...it really wasn't an easy secret to guess, so I guess I'm just being a bitch. :P_**

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_**Her Blood Runs Black**_

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb_

_Without a soul_

_My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Wake me up inside_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run_

_Before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

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Everyone watched as Bambi, seemingly unaware of her surroundings, shook violently, her body stiffening with each shudder, her eyes switching colors... Now the black blood was like a huge lake surrounding her, and it kept coming.

Everyone held their breath, because somehow, they all knew there was more to come...

The smoke billowed from the wound high into the air. It was deep black in color, and it circled the arena.

"That is...so...DISGUSTING..." Link said thicky, wincing from his wounds.

The eye mark on Bambi's hand began to glow brightly. She let out a squeak, and clutched it. Then suddenly, she began to scream, and everyone did so with her, for the blood began to spurt, and the smoke blew like storm winds, and now, these bodily wastes (and I don't mean shit, dammit!) were accompanied by a bright blast of light that erupted from the gash like a volcano. Bambi howled as if she were in labor; the light was so bright that everyone else had to shield their eyes.

A monsterous wind began to rip in circles around the room. Zelda held the dying Link to her, and watched in horror.

Then something strange happened...male laughter echoed through the room. It was _adult_ male laughter, too...so who could be the source? Most certainly not anyone that was in sight at that moment...

Then Bambi stopped screaming. The bleeding stopped, the smoke stopped, and the light blast finished. The eye mark on Bambi's hand suddenly disappeared; her red eyes turned back to silver. She weakly stared up at the ceiling, and her body quavered. Then...her eyes shut, she fell forward, and laid limp in a puddle of her blood. Aryll screamed in shock.

Thunder boomed from completely out of nowhere, and everything darkened slightly. The smoke, which had been racing around the perimeter of the ceiling, gracefully drifted down by Bambi's seemingly lifeless body, and began to slowly take a form...

The smoke clumped together to form what looked like the figure of an adult male. Then the smoke slowly began to sift away and disappear, and there WAS an adult male standing there after it had cleared away...

Smirking around at everyone while trying to hide a look of anger in his eyes was a tall, handsome man, wearing a navy tunic and matching hat. His skin was a pale grayish color, he had red eyes like Bambi's used to be, and framing his face was a curtain of long, silky silver hair...

Zelda looked from the girl laying in the blood to the man standing ominously above her.

What did it all mean?


	37. Vaati

_**Vaati**_

"Who the fuck are you?" Zelda demanded boldly.

The man blinked at her hostility. Then he smiled slyly.

"Why, my name is Vaati, my good lady..." he said with a chuckle.

"W-what? I'm confused..." squeaked Komali from his cage.

Vaati glanced at Komali.

"Of course, all of you children are clueless. I must explain..."

Everybody's favorite wind mage nudged the body of Bambi with his foot.

"You've been lied to this whole time. _I _was the enemy. I was the Bambi you grew to know, but actually, I was merely possessing a clueless yet powerful little girl..."

"You're not making any sense..." said Zelda slowly, stroking Link's hair soothingly.

"Then I shall just have to tell my story, won't I?

Many months ago, I, being the super awesome genius and over-achiever that I am, escaped the weakened seal of the Four Sword. The Four Sword had not been buried along with Hyrule. It had been taken to the land above during the great sealing of Hyrule, so I need not have worried about escaping this place when it was totally sealed. I quickly escaped the bindings of the Four Sword and fled to calculate a plan. And then, a vision came to me by way of dream...

I dreamt of a girl on Windfall who, after the fall of Ganondorf, would be entrusted with the power that he once held: the Triforce of Power. It was then that I decided to take the power of the Triforce for myself. I went to Windfall, and met this girl before Ganondorf was slayed by the hero Link...as you may have already guessed, this girl was the REAL Bambi..." Vaati glanced at Bambi's body, and continued, "Of course, she, like every other chick on Windfall, was completely enfatuated with me (which doesen't really surprise me). I singled her out and got her to fall in love with me. You see, the...ahem..._real _Bambi was a bit of an airhead. She was way too optimistic, way too naive, and I couldn't wait to put a stop to her stupidity. At last, she finally got the Triforce of Power..."

Vaati grinned slyly. "I saw then that it was time to make a move. She was growing suspicious of my fascination in her powers, so one night, I roughly forced my way into her body. Daphness Nohansen Hyrule witnessed that scene when he pried into my mind...well, her mind. Both of ours or something...whatever.

It was my mission to collect the other two Triforce pieces. That's how you little rats found yourselves victimized by me.

I planned to stay in Bambi's body until I had collected the other two pieces, and unfortunately, I was pried from it before that could happen, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LIGHT ARROWS, BITCH!" Zelda blinked.

Vaati calmed himself.

"But no matter... I can easily defeat all of you in this form, and I can still get all three Triforce pieces."

"NEVER! I WON'T LET YOU, YOU MONSTER! YOU HARMED AN INNOCENT GIRL, AND ROYALLY PISSED EVERYONE OFF!" Zelda yelled.

Link's eyes opened weakly.

"W-wait...Bambi's innocent...?" he uttered.

"Yes, Link... It was THIS asshole all along..." replied Zelda, glaring steadily at Vaati. Vaati chuckled.

Link moaned in pain.

"Big brother! Are you ok?" Aryll asked from her cage.

Komali pointed a shaky finger at the body of Bambi.

"I-is she...dead?" he asked.

Vaati looked down at Bambi.

"Hmm...I don't know. And at the moment, I don't particularly care."

The wind mage looked around at everyone.

"Well, either someone fights me and I kill you slowly, or you surrender your Triforce pieces with no struggle, and I'll kill you quickly."

Zelda looked down at Link. He could not fight... Her eyes locked on Bambi. She was most likely dead. Komali and Aryll...they couldn't fight, and they were in cages anyway... The princess was not about to surrender, so she knew what she had to do...

Zelda decided against using her katana. It didn't have the light powers of the Master Sword, so she gently picked up the blade of evil's bane, and stood up, staring at Vaati with determination.

Vaati raised a brow.

"A silly little girl wants to fight me? Hmmm...it's a bit of a waste of time, but if it'll get me what I want, then so be it. However, Princess Zelda, I must warn you. You are not the blade's wielder, and there's no way you can handle that sword properly, so in other words...you're doomed."

"HA! Shove THAT statement up your pretty lil' ass crack, 'cause I'm gonna take you down, cock sucker!" Zelda declared.

Vaati picked up the twin swords.

"Very well then, my lady... Let the battle commence."


	38. The Princess and the Mage

_**BAMBI LIVES! MWUAHAHAHAHA! XP Only now it's good Bambi... This is actually the first time you meet her, actually. The REAL her, anyway. Well, you don't really meet her until next chapter...**_

**_REVIEW_**

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_**The Princess and the Mage**_

Zelda readied herself, and blocked when Vaati came at her. She tried to push him back, but his size was his advantage, and he pushed HER back.

Swords clashed over and over again as they stabbed, slashed, and blocked eachother. One thing that Zelda found peculiar was that he kept forcing her to move backward.

There was something that Zelda was not thinking of that Vaati was. You see, as previously stated, the arena was nearly identical to the one that Link and Zelda had battled Ganondorf in. In other words, you could fall off the edge of the arena and into nothingness...

"We all know who'll win in the end, my fair princess... ME! I am far too awesome to be defeated! I'm dead sexy, I'm cool, I'm smart, I'm slick, I'm really awesome, and I'm fucking sexy!" panted Vaati.

"Oh, get over yourself! You shave your legs, and that is like, totally a cause for concern!" snapped Zelda.

"I SHAVE THEM 'CAUSE IT'S SEXY AND I'M SEXY!"

Vaati cut Zelda across the cheek. She screeched.

"A man should not shave his legs! It's wrong!" said the princess, wincing.

Vaati ripped part of her dress with his sword.

"You should show more respect, princess! I have commited feats that that fool Ganondorf could never have even DREAMED of doing! I gained Hyrule, and I learned how to pee with a vagina!"

Zelda growled and stabbed at him, but Vaati knocked her to the ground. Zelda rolled out of the way as Vaati attempted to stab her in the forhead.

"You are a good fighter, my lady! Far better than your insolent boyfriend! He is no hero, he is a fool and a weakling! I struck him down easily! I could do the same to you even faster, but alas, I'm hardly trying!"

_Link... _Zelda thought, her blood running cold.

He wasn't dead...was he?

Zelda screamed in pain as Vaati made a deep cut in her arm. She clutched it, and he continued to move her backward.

_I could do with a miracle right about now... Wait...the Triforce of Wisdom! _Zelda thought, an idea dawning on her. She tried to focus on wisdom, but her mind went blank as Vaati slammed her hard in the head with his fist.

"Don't be a fool, I saw that glazed look in your eye... Don't even try to use magic against me! We want this to be fair, now don't we? You should not use magic on the super awesome great Vaati!" hissed Vaati.

"You know, you really are an asshole!" Zelda snapped. "So stuck up! In all my days..." Vaati hit her in the head again.

"And you really talk too much, Princess Zelda! Keeping your fucking hole shut for once would please even the most miserable of folks!" Vaati announced, forcing her back again.

Zelda noticed that the wind mage's gaze flickered to something behind her briefly, but she did not dare turn her back on him.

Sadly, Vaati had been right. The Master Sword did not feel right in her hands. She really couldn't wield it properly... Would she have been better off with the katana, she wondered?

A searing, burning pain in her side sent her flying back to reality.

Vaati laughed coldly, heartily.

"You need to focus on the battle, princess! Your mind wanders!"

Zelda knew that in a sense, he was right, but she needed to think about other things. She had realized with fear that she was losing the battle, and she needed a plan.

The princess looked up to the cages. Aryll was cowered in the back of her prison, looking away, but Komali was watching her, tense and speechless. Their eyes met briefly. Zelda knew Komali could help her, and the Rito prince realized it too. He let out a gasp as Zelda recieved a slice to the chest.

Komali thought desperately. All he could do was distract Vaati. He didn't have anything on him that could pick locks, so he couldn't escape and help fight. Zelda had used a bobble on her clothing to free herself. Komali first decided to perform the simplest method of distraction.

"HEY! UGLY! YOU LOOK FAT IN THOSE PANTS!" he shouted at Vaati.

Vaati turned abrubtly.

"What?"

Zelda tried to stab him, but he had the reflexes of a cat. He didn't even have to look at her to block her attack.

Komali saw this, and dread filled him. Vaati was not to be taken lightly...

Vaati looked pissed, but he turned away from Komali to lean close to Zelda.

"Don't even try to get me with my back turned, bitch... If you do so again, then I'll do to you what I did to Link. After all, when I fought him, I _was_ sort of trying, and that's why he's a bloody mess dirtying the floor. I'm playing games with you, princess, and I'm winning... You have annoyed me, but not so much as Link has. You don't want me to make that pretty little face of yours unrecognizable YET, do you? Hehehe..."

"And Komali...you must wait your turn to be maimed," he called to the prince.

_Please, Komali... Don't give up! Fight like a MAN! _Zelda thought, her face scrunching up with determination, anger, and frustration.

Komali thought and thought and thought... Then he remembered the book that he kept in his pants, the one with the maps of Hyrule and all that stuff (Remember? It was a long time ago). He pulled it out of his briefs, and targeted Vaati. He threw the book as hard as he could.

Zelda, Komali, and even Aryll gasped as Vaati continued to fight Zelda with one sword, while he used the other to cleanly chop the book in half.

"YOU BIG MEANIE! YOU LOOK _REALLY _FAT!" screamed Aryll, rushing to the front of the cage. Komali looked at her. She was actually helping, and together, he and Aryll fired insult after insult at Vaati.

Zelda heard Vaati murmur to himself, "Be strong, Vaati...you are too pretty to be affected by their pitiful words..."

Now that was really weird to Zelda, yet it did not surprise her. People talking to themselves in such a manner is always slightly unnerving.

The princess yet again witnessed Vaati glance over her shoulder. He smiled, as if reassured about something. He looked back at her, and grinning fiercely, he sneered, "Have a nice trip, princess! See you next fall!"

"What?" Zelda uttered. This question was soon answered.

Zelda screamed as she had never screamed before when Vaati sliced her hand deeply. The Master Sword flew from her grasp and landed a few yards away. Then Vaati tripped her up with his right foot, and Zelda's heart skipped a beat and she screamed even louder as she found herself falling backward without a floor to catch her. Vaati had managed to knock her out of the ring...

Zelda's body somersaulted against its will in the air, but she stretched out her arms...and caught the edge of the ring. Tears of pain and shock flowed from her eyes as she clung to the edge of the arena. She screeched and shut her eyes tightly as Vaati placed a foot heavily on her wounded hand. Komali and Aryll screamed and shouted.

"And now, I bid you farewell, Your Highness..." he said, grinding his foot on her hand. Zelda knew she couldn't hang there forever, and it HURT like HELL...

_I'm doomed! _she thought. _Completely and utterly doomed! _

Zelda was just about to let go of the edge and fall to her death when surprise stopped her. She watched as Vaati screamed and was pulled back by someone she could not see from her position. Slowly, Zelda eased herself back onto the arena.

A flash of blonde hair and red dress was all she saw before Vaati was wrestled to the ground. A bundle of Light Arrows was pressed against his neck in threat by his attacker. Vaati was panting and glaring up at his predator angrily, though not daring to move for fear that the Light Arrows would go into his neck.

"YOU..." he spat.

Bambi, covered in the black blood she had lain in, glared back at Vaati from her position on top of him, her silver eyes full of fury. She held the Light Arrows tightly.

Then she let off a small smile, and looked at Zelda. She winked reassuringly, and turning back to Vaati, she began to speak...


	39. Bambi's Redemption

_**This chapter ain't that good...but hey, it's nessecary.**_

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_**Bambi's Redemption**_

"Well, Vaati... I never thought this would happen, and judging by the look on your face, you did not think so either... Me, overtaking you for once after you kept me as a prisoner in my own mind for so very long..." began Bambi. Zelda, Aryll, and Komali listened. Vaati did, too, but his face showed fury, not interest.

"I thought you were a good person when I met you. I loved you, and I cared about you, and I thought you cared about me. I wasn't loved at home with my uncle, and my best friend Mila had been kidnapped... You were my only friend then, and I cherished you.

Then one night, as you know, I had a strange dream, and when I woke up, there it was on my hand: the Triforce of Power. Naturally, I was scared out of my mind. I looked to you for comfort, but you scared me more with your sick fascination with it. I became wary of you.

Then one day, you attacked me, and I didn't know what to do. You took over my body, and while you were in it, my soul still existed in its depths. I was able to watch every sick little thing you did, watched you hurt people... I struggled to gain control of my body again."

Bambi glanced at Zelda.

"I did manage to weaken his hold on me slightly. Remember back on the pirate ship, Princess Zelda? You and Link saw what appeared to be me having a conversation with myself. That was a conversation between Vaati and I..." She looked down at Vaati coldly.

"Oh...I...I thought you were just schizo..." said Zelda softly. Bambi shook her head gently.

"No, I'm not schizophrenic. I was just posessed..." she said, bitterly pressing the Light Arrows against Vaati's neck a bit harder.

"Zelda...Komali...Aryll...and Link...I'm sorry for all the pain Vaati caused you through my body. In a way, it's all my fault...I should have protected myself from Vaati better," said Bambi, the anger on her face replaced with a look of shame.

"Don't apologize, there was nothing you could do..." Zelda replied with a small smile.

"You were so easy to overtake, you obnoxious little gnat! You are totally un-awesome. And I am totally awesome. You could not withstand my awesome power. No one is as awesome as --"

"Shut up, Vaati! You shave your legs!" Bambi snapped.

"IT'S SEXY!" Vaati insisted.

"I SAID...SHUT...UP!" Bambi growled, pressing the Light Arrows more still.

"Why didn't you leave him? I mean, if he shaves his legs..." said Komali.

Without looking at Komali, Bambi answered, "Everyone thought he was hot anyway...and I did too, at first. There were so many warning signs (like that shaved legs thing) that told me that going with him was wrong, but I...I didn't listen... I was stupid and naive then. I am going to change."

"You won't get the chance..." hissed Vaati.

"Oh? And how do you figure that?" Bambi asked, glaring.

"Because me and my awesomeness are gonna pwn you!"

"You really are too arrogant. You are also completely insane... You are not to be trusted, Vaati. As you can now see, I am the one with the upper hand. I am going to use the power of light to put an end to this madness..." said Bambi. She moved the Light Arrows away from his neck, and prepared to bring them back to stab him in the neck with full force.

"Good-bye, Vaati!" she said, her voice full of meaning. But then Bambi let out a gasp as Vaati grabbed her wrist tightly before she could do him in. The wind mage kicked Bambi away, and stood up, twitching with rage.

"YOU ARE THE FOOL, BAMBI... YOU SWORE TO KILL ME, AND NOW I SWEAR TO KILL YOU! ALL OF YOU!" he screamed.

"YOU HAVE YET TO WITNESS TRUE POWER..." growled Vaati, beginning to transform. Everyone watched in horror.

There was no handsome man standing before them now. Instead was a huge, black, blimp-like bat-winged creature with a single angry eye in its center...the same eye that had scarred Link and Bambi's skin. Large tentacle arm things sprouted from the body.

Bambi snatched up the twin swords.

"Zelda!" she called. "We have to destroy him! The three of us..." Her gaze fell upon Link. It was hard to tell whether or not he was alive. Zelda remembered the fairy she kept in her pocket...

"Right," she said to Bambi, then rushed to Link to ready him for the battle.


	40. Hidden Fire

_**Hidden Fire**_

"Help Link! I'll distract Vaati!" Bambi called to Zelda. Then she ran to Vaati, sliced at him, and kept running. Vaati's eye squinted, and he began to attack her with his tentacles, slamming them into the ground, attempting to knock the girl off her feet.

Zelda knelt beside Link and shook him hard to make sure he was alive.

"Link! Link! Are you alive!" She slapped him.

"I guess I am then...a-aren't I!" Link hissed, his eyes shut tightly with pain.

"Don't worry, my love! I shall heal you!" Zelda pulled out the fairy. It lay at the bottom of the jar, looking pretty dead. Zelda shook the jar violently.

"LIVE! LIIIIIIIVE!" she yelled at the fairy. It twitched a wing weakly. The princess unscrewed the jar, and dumped the fairy out. It tumbled and landed on Link's chest.

Slowly, its glow returned, and it fluttered around Link, showering gold sparks. Then it shit on his face and flew away.

Completely healed, Link sat up and wiped the feces off.

"Ew! That is sooo disgusting!"

"BIG BROTHER! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Aryll yelled happily from her cage.

"Well, DUH!" snorted Link. He watched Bambi whizz past and dart around Vaati, taking stabs at him and dodging his attacks.

"Ok, uh...what is that blimp thing and what is SHE doing fighting it?" Link asked.

"Damn you!" Zelda slapped him. "You were unconcious, and now I need to explain things...well...ok then.

Bambi was posessed by a wind sorcerer named Vaati this whole time, so she's actually one of the good guys! Vaati was the real enemy all along, he was just in Bambi's body."

"Oh...that man I saw before I fell unconcious..." muttered Link.

"Yes, yes, that was him! Anyway, Bambi was about to kill him when he knocked her away and turned into a blimp! Now come on -- get the Master Sword, and let's kill him! It's three against one now, Vaati doesen't stand a chance!" said Zelda, dashing off to recover her katana. Link obeyed, and picked up the Master Sword. Together, princess and hero lept to join the fray.

"DISTRACT HIM!" Bambi said, running in Link's direction.

"Umm...right..." said Link. When Bambi ran past him, he shoved her to the ground and yelled to Vaati, "TAKE THE GIRL, NOT ME!" Then he ran away.

Zelda rushed past him, avoiding a tentacle.

"Link, you idiot! She's one of us now!"

"So -- ACK!" Link got hit in the stomach by a tentacle, and was flung yards away.

"Link! Are you ok?" Zelda called.

"NO, BUT I'LL BE FINE!" Link snapped bitterly.

"Get up, Link!" Bambi said, rolling out of the way as Vaati attempted to slam her with a tentacle. She then stood up and started running again.

Link slowly started to get up, but his pace was forced to quicken as Vaati used his eye to shoot a laser beam at him. Link scrambled away.

"The Master Sword, Link! The Master Sword!" Zelda screamed.

"COOL IT!" Link snapped. He rushed in at Vaati and made an attempt to stab him with the blade, but Vaati pushed him away.

"Link! Zelda and I will do our best to distract him! Go for the opening!" Bambi instructed. She and Zelda ran to his left side and began darting around it, stabbing at him on occasion.

Link shrugged, and attacked the open side with the Master Sword. Vaati winced, but did not seem to be in any severe, dangerous pain.

"Let's use our powers! Focus, now!" commanded Zelda. Bambi looked confused.

"What's your problem, bitch?" Link snapped.

"...I don't know how to use...them..." she said quietly.

Zelda sighed exasperatedly.

"If you want to use the Triforce of Power, then focus on power!" she said. Bambi nodded, and the three crest keepers began to focus.

The Master Sword glowed green, the katana glowed blue, and the twin swords glowed red. The three attacked with ferocity. This time, Vaati seemed to be in great pain. Then he spun around, hitting the three with his tentacles.

"That was a good starter attack!" said Zelda.

"GO, BROTHER! GO! GO! GO!" cheered Aryll.

"COME ON, SHOW NO MERCY!" Komali bellowed.

Link began to race around the massive enemy, looking for another opening. Bambi and Zelda did the same.

Vaati slid a tentacle across the ground in an attempt to get Zelda, but she jumped on top of it. The tentacle flew into the air, and, thinking hard about her element, Zelda lept like a tiger and drove her blade into Vaati's eye. An inhuman scream pierced the air. Zelda landed back on the ground.

Vaati attacked harder. He was pretty pissed about a sword being in his eye.

Being without a weapon, Zelda ran to retrieve the Light Arrows.

"Link, I'm going to try to do as Zelda did! Our swords can hurt him, but yours has the power to finish the job! Just avoid getting hurt, dodge his attacks, and when I get my swords in his eye, make your move, ok?" Bambi said to Link when she was close to him.

"'Kay..." said Link.

_Hmm...so I don't have to do anything until she stabs him in the eye. Sweet. _Link thought as he strode to the edge of the arena and started eating oreos.

"Oh my gosh, Link! Don't you know how fattening those are? There's like...160 calories per oreo or something!" Komali gasped.

"Tch...you think I watch my weight?" Link grunted.

"It's kind of obvious you haven't lately. Your tunic DOES look a bit tight. You seem rounder," noted Komali.

"WHAT!" Link snapped.

"He's right!" Aryll said. "Wow...I didn't notice until now!"

"In other words, you've gained weight, and eating all those oreos doesen't help," conclued the Rito prince.

"DAMMIT!" Link growled, tossing the oreos over the edge of the arena. He stuck his finger down his throat to make himself throw up.

Zelda watched Link purge and shook her head.

"You didn't have to tell him to do NOTHING, you know! You see the things he does when he's bored?" the princess called to Bambi.

"Uhhh, a little busy!" replied Bambi, slightly irritated. She was gasping for breath as she dodged attack after attack. Zelda ran in and pierced Vaati with the arrows. The creature growled.

"Link and I will occupy his attention!" said Zelda. She ran up to Link and hit him on the back of the head. He stopped puking, and turned to his girlfriend while wiping his mouth.

"Hey, what's the deal? Didn't you see I was busy?" Link spat.

"Change of plans! You're going to help me keep Vaati occupied, but it is as Bambi said -- you must remain safe, so be careful. You and the Master Sword hold the power of the sages!" said Zelda. Reluctantly, Link followed her, and together they poked Vaati.

Bambi saw her opportunity. She jumped onto a tentacle that was lower to the ground. When the tentacle moved up, she jumped and stabbed Vaati in the eye. Swordless, she went to the ground.

"Link! Now is your chance!" she said.

His entire quest flashed before his eyes. Knowing that it was about to end, Link eagerly ran to the great foe, and purposefully buried the Master Sword into Vaati's side.

Unearthly screams rang out so loud they could've pierced the sound barrier. Vaati glowed, and then shrank back to Hylian form. Bambi and Zelda's weapons remained stuck in his head.

"Ahhh...it hurts...I...I can't see! I'M BLIND!" screamed Vaati. "But at least I'm still drop-dead sexy..."

Link, Zelda, and Bambi approached Vaati, looking dark and angry. Link pulled the Master Sword out of his body, and raised it above Vaati, clutching the weapon tightly. Bambi clutched it too, and so did Zelda.

"Good-bye, Vaati! And thanks for nothing!" spat Bambi. The three kids focused on power, wisdom, and courage, and with a sense of finality, they stabbed Vaati in the chest.

The villain choked, and then stiffened. He then proceeded to die. Everyone pulled their weapons from his grossly maimed form. When that was done, a wind blew, and Vaati's body and bones dissolved.

Heavy, shocked silence fell. No one could believe that the mission was over. Bambi fell to her knees.

"It's over...it's finally over...my curse has been broken..." she said. The young fighter turned to look at her companions. She stood and and faced them.

"Link, Zelda, I really am sorry. My foolishness put you all in danger..." she said, looking down.

"You bet your ass it did," snorted Link. Zelda slapped him, and put her hands on Bambi's shoulders.

"It's like I said before, Bambi. Even if you had turned your back on him, this still probably would have happened... Don't apologize," said the princess with a smile. Bambi smiled back.

"You're trusting her, Zelda...er...Tetra? She turned our lives upside down!" Link shrieked.

"That was VAATI, dufus! Not Bambi! Vaati took over her body! Everything was Vaati's doing, got it?" replied Zelda.

"Wait...so that one time when Bambi raped me...it was Vaati all along?"

"Yes... Thanks to his escapades, Vaati has robbed me of my virginity," said Bambi.

"Well, that's good, right? No one wants to be a virgin...no one but Dark Link," Link said. Bambi's eyes glazed with sadness at the mention of his name.

"Well, I'm sick of this place. Let's get the hell out of here!" said Zelda. "It's time to go back to the way things were..." The group headed for the stairs.

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT US?" Komali called.

"Yeah!" Aryll said.

"Those cages are so high up..." Bambi murmured.

"Do you guys have anything to pick the locks with?" Zelda shouted up to them.

"No," Komali and Aryll replied in unison.

"This is a problem," Link noted.

A loud crash sounded from above as a big hole was made in the ceiling.

"A problem, maybe, but one that can be easily solved!" declared Nabooru, leaping from the hole and on top of Komali's cage.

"Nabooru!" Link gasped.

"The one and only!" chuckled Nabooru.

Said she, "These cages are suspended by magic. I'll use my powers to bring them down." Nabooru shut her eyes, and looked as though she were praying. The cages slowly lowered.

When they were on the ground, Nabooru lept off Komali's cages and took out two curved daggers. With tremendous strength, she cut off the doors of the cages. Link watched her boobs jiggle as she did it.

Komali and Aryll gladly left their prisons. Aryll attached herself to Link's legs.

"BIG BROTHER! I MISSED YOU!" she cried. Link hugged her. When everyone stared, he stopped and shoved Aryll to the ground.

"Wow! You girls! You ROCKED!" Komali exclaimed to Bambi and Zelda, hugging them.

"AHEM... I fought too, ya know!" snapped Link.

"Yes, Link, but not WELL," replied Komali.

"Stop fighting, kids! Let's get out of here! Everyone's waiting for you outside the tower," said Nabooru, and with that, she lead the group out of VAATI'S lair.

Upon their exit, the kids spotted all the other sages (aside from Ruto and Impa) and Daphness waiting for them. Bambi quickly explained what happened when she saw the looks she was recieving.

"Vaati...ah, yes, he is an ancient wind mage. Well...WAS. He's dead now," said the king.

Everyone heard a noise behind them, and turned to see the tower collapsing.

"Think of that as a sign that all of this is over," said Rauru.

Link then remembered something.

"Tetra...er...Zelda! The eye mark! Is it still on my neck?" Zelda looked, and grinned.

"No, Link! It's gone!" she said.

"YES! NOW I'M BACK TO HAVING ONLY _ONE _TATOO! It's on my...nevermind."

Bambi smiled to herself and looked at the back of her now eyeless left hand.

"Hey! What happened to Gaylord?" Aryll asked.

"Ummm...he...ran away?" Link tried.

"Oh! Ok!" said Aryll. There was a moment of silence following.

"Big brother?"

"Yeah, Aryll?"

"Can I get another dog?"

"No."

"Come on, I'm sick o' this place! Let's get back to the world above! OUR world!" said Makar, and the party started their hike to the portal between Hyrule and the Great Sea.

After walking in silence for a while, Link finally spoke.

"Y-you guys don't really think I'm getting fat...do you?"

Everyone laughed.

"DO YOU?" Link demanded.

No one replied.

* * *

At last, they reached the portal.

"Unfortunately..." said Daphness, "We cannot seem to seal Hyrule again... It must remain hidden. No one must tell a soul of its whereabouts. Do you swear?"

"I swear," everyone said solemnly.

"We're coming to the surface world with you guys!" said Saria, hugging Komali.

"Dammit..." Link cursed.

"We'll follow you five out," said Nabooru, shoving Link, Zelda, Bambi, Komali, and Aryll forward towards the portal.

"We've arranged boats to take you to Windfall...you'll find a surprise there," said Medli, glaring at Komali.

Saria kissed Komali, then stepped back to join the other sages.

"I'll meet you at Windfall, sweetie!" she said.

"Bye, lovey!" cooed Komali, stepping into the portal. Bambi and Zelda exchanged glances, and then followed Komali. Aryll went after them.

Link looked around at Hyrule one last time, then stepped into the portal himself.

* * *

**_ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO! YOU AIN'T DONE READIN' 'TILL I'VE SAID SO!_**


	41. When Flames Blow Out

_**(Sniffle) IT'S OVER... ;-; But hey! Go see The Legend of Zelda: The Sister!**_

**_Vio: Another thing you should look for is the Thanksgiving special of Four Swords Plus, which is coming out very soon. Also, the next OFFICIAL chapter of FS will be out, like...tomorrow or something._**

**_Green: We don't get paid enough for this._**

**_Me: You don't get paid at all, dumbass._**

**_Red: We don't?_**

**_Me: No, what makes you think you're getting paid if you don't get any money?_**

**_Red: Then what's this? (Pulls out Monopoly money)_**

**_WW Link: I'll take that, thank you very much! (Snatches the money)_**

**_Tetra: That's fake, dumbass. Jeez...you're lucky your penis is big. If it wasn't, then I would like, totally ditch you._**

**_Bambi: I want to see it!_**

**_Link: Shut up, Bambi. No one likes you. _**

**_Blue: I do. Want to have sex with me, Bambi?_**

**_Bambi: Are you eleven inches?_**

**_Blue: ...Yes._**

**_Bambi: Ok. Let's fuck. (Starts fucking Blue)_**

**_Vio: Jeez..._**

**_Green: Just read the chapter._**

**_Me: AND REVIEW IT, TOO!_**

**_Aryll: Wheee! Who wants to play horseback riding with me?_**

* * *

****

__

_**When Flames Blow Out**_

Link, Bambi, Komali, Aryll, and TETRA found themselves floating by the Tower of the Gods.

The pirate looked at herself.

"Hey! I'm back to being me again!" said Tetra.

"Yup, back to the bitchy pirate I fell in love with," said Link, winking at Tetra.

"Ohhh, Link, you are SOOOO naughty! Do you want to be punished?" Tetra giggled.

"Ummm...GUYS!" interuppted Komali.

"Are we all going to play horseback riding?" Aryll asked. Bambi chuckled.

"Hey! Look, guys!" said Tetra, pointing at an approaching sailboat. She beamed when she saw who was sailing it.

"Gonzo!" she said happily. "You're alive!"

Gonzo bowed his head and stopped the boat.

"Yes, Miss Tetra! The other pirates and I escaped the flames and went to Windfall. We've been staying there. And guess what? We've even bought a new ship! And..." Gonzo trailed off when he saw Bambi. With a sigh, Bambi hastily explained her story once more.

"Oh. Well, that's cool..." said Gonzo. Then he spotted Link. The big pirate grinned and winked, causing Link to shift uncomfortably.

Another boat glided next to Gonzo's and stopped. This one was driven by Niko, the one and only!

"Miss Tetra! Prince Komali! Aryll! SWABBIE! And..." He glared at Bambi.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead!" snapped the little buck-toothed pirate. Blushing angrily, Bambi told her story AGAIN.

Suddenly, Daphness, Rauru, Nabooru, Saria, Darunia, Makar, and Medli appeared.

"What are you do-nothin's still doin' with your asses in the water?" snapped Medli, huffily climbing into Niko's boat. The other sages and the king followed her.

"Well, SOR-RY!" snapped Komali, getting into Gonzo's boat. Tetra, Link, Bambi, and Aryll followed him. Then the boats started for Windfall.

"If we're going to Windfall then...well...I guess this is good-bye..." said Bambi.

"Good. Fuckin' see ya," snorted Link rudely. Tetra hit him.

"Do you really live with your uncle?" Tetra asked Bambi.

Bambi nodded.

"Do you like living with him?"

Link didn't like where this was going.

"_Tetra!_" he hissed.

"Shut up, Link," snapped Tetra, turning back to Bambi.

"I don't like living with him, no," Bambi admitted.

"Well, you can join the crew if you wish."

Bambi beamed. "You mean it?"

Tetra nodded.

"Oh, thanks Tetra! I won't let you down! I promise!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Link screamed. Tetra slapped him.

"Link! If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" she said.

"Yes, ma'am..." Link grumbled. Pouting, he turned to look at the other ship so he could stare at Nabooru's boobs.

* * *

At last, the boats docked, and the heroes discovered a party awaiting them. Everyone on the Great Sea was there.

"What's with the party?" Link asked.

"Medli and I told everyone about the quest," Makar explained.

"Oh," replied Link with a shrug as he got out of the boat.

Gwen Stefani music was blasting from the stereos.

"Jeez, is Gwen Stefani popular on Windfall or something?" Tetra asked Bambi. Bambi nodded.

"Yeah, people on Windfall worship Gwen Stefani. We go to church services on Sunday just to pray to her. I never did, though," said Bambi.

Link, meanwhile, made a bee-line for the dessert bar and started eating all the cake. Aryll followed him.

"Big brother, why are you eating all that cake?" she asked.

Link replied through a mouthful of chocolate cake, "I'm gonna eat as much as I can and then throw it up again so I don't get any fatter."

"Isn't that anorexia?" Aryll asked.

"How do you know that word?"

"Komali taught me, big brother."

"Well, he shouldn't have! You're too young to know about eating disorders! And it's not called 'anorexia', stupid! Anorexia is when you starve yourself! This is 'bulimia'!" snapped Link.

"YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE DUMB!" Aryll cried, shoving Link to the ground, taking off his shoes, and running away.

Komali walked up to Link and helped him up.

"Link, what happened?" he asked.

"WHY DON'T _YOU _TELL _ME_!" yelled Link, punching Komali in the face.

"OW! LINK, YOU SON OF A BITCH! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING HIT ME IN THE FUCKING FACE!"

"'CAUSE YOU'RE A BITCH, KOMALI!"

"I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

Link and Komali started fighting. People gathered around to watch.

* * *

Bambi and Tetra watched the fight while getting their battle wounds taken care of by healers and crap.

"Well...I was able to watch the world around me even while posessed by Vaati, and I apologize when I say this, Tetra, but...Link's an asshole," said Bambi.

Tetra nodded.

"Don't apologize. I know he is."

"How did you manage to fall in love with him?"

"He has a really big penis."

"Wow, he does? I never knew!"

"I know! It's like...eleven inches when it's fully erect!" gushed Tetra.

"Woah! That's wicked sweet! I hope I find a guy who's eleven inches..."

Tetra smiled and looked into Bambi's eyes.

"I've never had a girl friend in my entire life. The closest I've come are gay male friends; my entire crew (with the exception of you and Link) are fags. I do not regret inviting you to join, and I'm glad you accepted. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I do believe!" said Tetra. She pulled Bambi into a hug.

* * *

A stage had been sat up in the middle of the town. Atop it sat a podium and mic. Daphness Nohansen Hyrule climbed onto the stage and "ahemed" into the mic for silence. Everyone gathered to the stage.

"Friends! Well...none of you are my friends, but ANYWAY... I would like to celebrate the end of a long and epic journey to defeat a girl, who, as it was soon found out, was posessed by the evil wind sorcerer Vaati, the one from the legends."

Murmurs ripped through the crowd.

"SHUT UP, I AIN'T DONE TALKIN'!" snapped Daphness. Everyone fell silent.

"It proves that when they aren't getting in your way and contracting sexual diseases, children really can do miracles. Link, Tetra, and Bambi...please come to the stage."

The silence thickened as the three keepers of the Triforce climbed onto the stage.

"I never thought I'd say this, but...I think they deserve a round of applause..." Daphness grumbled. The crowd cheered and clapped wildly for the three young heroes.

"I would like to say something!" said Link.

"What is it?" Daphness hissed impatiently.

"Just gimme the mic!"

"No! It's my mic!"

"GIVE IT!" Link growled, grabbing at it.

Daphness pulled it away.

"No, don't touch it, you little shit!"

"GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE, FATASS!" Link yelled.

"No!" Daphness replied.

"GIVE IT!" Link whined, tears filling his eyes. He stomped his foot. Bambi hastily scrambled towards them and ripped the microphone from the king, and handed it to Link.

"GIVE ME THAT!" Link snapped at Bambi, roughly grabbing it from her and shoving her away.

Link looked at the crowd and began his speech.

"Thanks to me, you have all been saved! I got the power of the sages and recovered the Master Sword! I killed Vaati! You should all be kissing my feet! I'll even let you touch me if you pay me enough! I'll -- "

Daphness took the microphone back.

"Ok, you get the point. Anyway, I would also like to announce...my engagement."

"What?" gasped Tetra.

"Nabooru, please come to the stage," said the king, ignoring Tetra. Smiling, Nabooru climbed onto the stage. Link watched her boobs wiggle as she did so.

Daphness wrapped an arm around the Gerudo's waist.

"Nabooru and I are getting married!"

People applauded. Link was stunned.

Bambi took the microphone next.

"Congratulations, Daphness Nohasen Hyrule and Nabooru. Anyway...I want to thank Link and Tetra for saving me. Without them, I would have remained Vaati's prisoner. I have my freedom to thank them for. I am honored to be accepted officially as a member of their pirate crew, too. I learned that the fire of hope is everywhere, and is always there, even when it is hidden," she said.

Tetra took the mic.

"I agree with Bambi's statement. Tomorrow, we set sail once again, and we pray that we meet peaceful waters. We have fought many battles, and dammit, peace would be nice for once. But even if we do find trouble, we have eachother to fall back on. Friends really are important."

"DO YOU WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia screamed at Tetra.

"What's your problem?" Tetra yelled at the Goron.

"OH NO YOU DID-N'T! YOU DID _NOT _GO THERE!" replied Darunia.

"Oh, I went there!"

Darunia climbed onto the stage. He and Tetra began to fight. Daphness and Nabooru started fucking eachother for all to see. Aryll climbed onto the stage and tried to get Bambi to play horseback riding with her, while down in the crowd, Komali and Saria pole danced for money.

And Link...he strode to the dessert bar, full of pride, the wind at his back.

_**THE END**_

_And so, as Tetra said, the crew set sail the next day. As the pirate captain had wished, they had met calm days and waters for quite some time. Her love for Link strengthened, and her friendship with Bambi blossomed into something special._

_Unfortunately, this period of warmth, sunshine, and euphoria lasted for only a short while..._

_Three months after the quest this story tells of ended, something strange happened... Storms raged through the Great Sea, and Tetra was plagued with horrible nightmares._

_And the strangest thing of all was a voice that came to the pirate captain in her sleep...the voice of a young girl. It always repeated a certain phrase._

_It said, "Come to my land of secrets and bring your loved ones. I will teach you of your past, and I will tell them of their's. Your days as a hero are not over yet -- they have only just begun. I need your aid before it's too late... Help me..."_


End file.
